European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - February 25, 1988, Darmstadt, Hesse Columns first Consumers Well All write a Little letter. By Dave Barry in Ghl old Der be fun of Consumers Lii re s Tho plan first we re jiving to sit Down and write letters to the phone company the electric company the credit card companies and ill the other companies Iha Send Hills 1u i. Hiru s a Sample Lellow p in finn and Obj no we Here at the aynur name household arc tit count eager i continue serving you in the rapacity of customer. Due to Hie Large volume of monthly Bills we not we. Howit Var. We cannot possibly lie exit Erld in identify you from just your name Imit address. Therefore we have assigned ii the following to win Alireal account number jfl929.w5a2jfw5fli-053k-2-9i-wijj40909fl.5-b please be sure tit write your personalized it court number it jul bilk Ana other y u fend us. Otherwise we Mil have no idea slut Tiu Are. Ontl we will be forced to heal your Bill or other correspondence with no More respect than we would Accord to 3 recently discarded dress shield. If at any time you have a problem with your account do not hesitate to Call our convenient hot line service number your number. Please be prepared to 1. Listen to a prerecorded version of the popular Rock n Roll tune tie a yellow ribbon round the old Salt tree until one of our service representatives can spare a moment with you. 2. Give your name personalized account number and a Brief description of your problem 3. Suddenly without any explanation find yourself listening once i Gallo tie a yellow ribbon round the old Oak 4. Talk to a completely new customer service representative one who is totally Unfall tar with your situation who in tact appears to have just arrived on this continent via Parachute and who therefore of course will need to know your name account number and a Brief description of your problem All aver again. 5. Experience another sudden unexpected burst of listening enjoyment involving the hit song tie a yellow ribbon round the old Oak tree 6. Experience the following sound Click. 7. Call our convenient hot line service number your number. Co Back try step no. Of please Bear in mind thai these new procedures have been designed Lor your Protection and convenience and if you deviate from them even a tiny Little hit we will turn your world into .1 living hell As part of our continuing Effort to serve you by for sincerely. Your name but that is just the beginning of our plan Consumers. Next i want you to Purchase a number of wooden packing crates each one the size of an emerging african nation and i want you to ship these crates Over to the individual japanese manufacturers of All your sierras Siml television sets and other household appliances along with a sternly worded notice slating Hiil these crates arc packaging thai for various unspecified Legal reasons must never Ever be thrown away even if this Means that All of Tapan will soon be covered with original packaging to a depth of about 600 feet. And then Consumers we re going to Purchase All the seals on a selected commercial airline flight and when this flight finally arrives at its destination and the door is opened we re going to announce in unison that unfortunately because of equipment problems we Are not ready at this time to gel off the plane but that we do Hope to be Able to make some kind of announcement within the hour. And then we re going to track Dawn the executive director of the third class mail association and we re going to kill him with hammers. Hama Tahaha. And then we re going to. Wife should t intercede for husband s employee dear miss manners while i was dining at a restaurant near my husband s Busi Neit the other Day one of his female employees age 56, whom i had met at a recent retirement parly for an office supervisor asked if shr could Dine with me. She said she had something important to discuss. She said her Boss had threatened her and made false accusations and that she was worried about being fired. She asked if i would gel my husband who is the company president to speak Ullh her immediate supervisor about these threats. I wonder if it would be proper for me to get involved. I feel sorry for the woman who hat Only four years until her retirement after 35 years with the company but i am afraid that if i do intercede it might make matters worse. I know thai As Long As the woman s Boss who is 45, docs his Job my husband will not fire him for rough verbal treatment of another employee but this woman Dors have to work with him. What would you do ii you were me pintle Reader As this situation is asking .1 company official a lip try intercede in his business is highly improper and Uriu cannot consent of you Wim Thi president of a company you would nut cart to have in employee Appeal i your husband to circumvent your business procedure. Unfurl Lundli by you did nol Reily .11 the Lime that while Viiu lie Confidence you were to a anything. Even if you Ami your talk Over All Hidi t visions even if you Ull Jally run the company with him As a front this would be the Correct rest wow. If in fact you Duih if confidences about work you will of course Tell him what happened. Mis manners trusts you to Sutton this by pleading that the lady herself obviously did nol understand tile impropriety of a route that would have taken her 1 Over immediate supervisor ? head and 2 behind thai person s Back. Your report Back to the employee would Ihei be i passed on your message but you really must understand i do nol work for the company 1 Don l expect to hear what if anything he is going to do about this. But i do wish you dear miss manners help i have been divorced for 11 year and have a wonderful 13-year old son from thai marriage i father is about to be married for the fifth Lime and is having a Large wedding which feet Fine but both my son and i have been invited to the couple they even included the name of the store where they Are registered. As if that weren t enough we have each received an invitation to Allynd the wedding with a Gucito. Miss manners is it proper to invite a child to the Shower and i pct him to buy a gift and bring a guest to the wedding How about expecting me to buy them Shower and wedding gifts i feel this is out of place. Some feel it i a Good gesture. Your answer will he framed and Given to them As a gift whichever Side you Are on. Gentle Reader if this is your former husband s fifth marriage he ought to have the hang of it by now and ought nol be treat ing problems that miss manner has to clean of. Perhaps he leaves All that to his brides or perhaps some people just never learn. Min manners guess is that none of this was thought out beyond the idea that your son might be happier if you were included and a careless issuing of ail Rebrud invitations to family guests. Of course Thuy arc wrong. A former spouse is not Pio Purly invited to watch her once bridegroom marry someone else in would be much Loo entertaining for the guests although children arc now included in such events provided they want to participate. However it is within your Power to act correctly even if they did t. You need Only decline All invitations for yourself and have your son accept his invitation to the wedding itself. As for presents if your son is Able to make an appropriately Small present Tho Token gesture would be Nice. You need not sent .1 gift once upon a Lime former wives smell news gave their successors leftover formal cards a present More than slightly tinged with sarcasm. But since those Are hardly used anymore and Many new brides do not style themselves with the husband s name anyway the orc is obsolescent. And etiquette has not quite come to the Point of demanding that previous brides of the same gentleman make fusses Over subsequent ones. In any Case a framed reprimand is not a suitable present for anyone dear miss manners is in wrong for a hostess to place her guests handbags on the loot am i wrong in thinking that this it in poor taste i asked you about this matter a year ago. Gentle Reader what is your hurry miss manners admits that she is still Irvins to imagine How the hostess got her guests handbags i Vay from Thum in the first place Shu apologizes for the , but she still has t been Able to came up with any Good reason for the hostess handling such personal possessions. If they had been put in an inappropriate place if the lady guests had All dumped their bags on the dining room table and it was needed for dinner she need Only have requested them to do the moving themselves. Dear miss manners my Boyfriend jul started sleeping Over at my apartment three or four nights a week. The landlord has informed me that the visitor Section it the garage where he a been parking i Syrl Coly for occasional us and that 1 will have to rent space or his car. I have Allied my Boyfriend la pay for the space and he agreed bul i am now wondering 1 i was Correct in asking him to pay All or part of the rent. Gentle Reader guests arc nol charged by hosts for the space they occupy. Residents usually share costs miss manners will leave it up to you and the gentleman in question to define what he is doing in the apartment. It Nutry is 1938 Tripti May tint 3
