European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - April 14, 1988, Darmstadt, Hesse                                The stars and stripes 11  Landers dear Ann Lander if you print this you will be performing a great service for millions of parents and i hair Chil Dren. Three years ago i married a Man who had two ions 13 and 16.1 was unprepared to be a step Mother but of one thing i was certain i would nut let trip Chil Dren gel the upper hand. I would remain in charge. Our conversations were tilled with awkward periods of  i spoke to the boys it was always a question is your room clean is your Homework done have Yon fed the dog never did i ask what s on your Mindt How Are you gelling along in school you look worried. Do you wan to talk about ill or even "howareyoutT1 assumed to role of watchdog and dictator. Their father was already doing a pretty Good Job but when he saw How dogmatic and strict i was he eased up and i became the disciplinarian in the family. Was i loved no respected no feared you d belter believe it. There was a big distance Between us and i knew it. I believed that was the Way to keep them in line. One night i heard inc younger boy say you can t love a sourpuss. She never laughs or smiles around us. We arc like soldiers in her private army. If she really loved us she would t treat us this  i Frame in my tracks. They were right 1 realized that 1 had never hugged the boys or spoken softly to them. 1 behaved like a sergeant. I look care of their material needs but 1 never gave them Friendship or mothering. T asked myself How could i have been so Blind Lacr Hal night i a Cal to their room and asked them Bow they had stood me for so Long. They . They hugged me and said if their dad loved me there must be Good in me somewhere and som witness but they had never seen it. The older boy asked if my mom was cold to me. 1 was shocked. She was. Suddenly i realized that i had been treating inc boys the Way my Mother had treated me. Then i had a Good cry from thin Day on everything changed my Atti tude toward them and theirs toward me. I m still the disciplinarian but now there s a it of affection and we Are All much More relaxed and a great Deal happier. Sign me never too old to learn dear nem thank you for palming out that  administered to Rinty is the key to a Good Parent child relation ship. Var Story is a poignant one jul or Tui Parent an bound to Ham from it. Dear Ann land sri my sister is having an affair with a mend of her husband. This is not Cua p i saw them but they did t tee me. I m certain thai my brother in Law docs not know about it. They have two wonderful children. Should i stand by and Wail for my sister to destroy her family should 1 scare the hell out of inc other Man by threatening to Tell his wife should i Tell my brother in Law i wish i never had found this out. Ii frightens me to have this knowledge. 1 want to do the right thing but what is it strictly Anonymous dears. Anon go directly to our sister and Tell her in � Laving Way thai you know what is going on. Be  but direct. Usually i advise people to mob but in this Cue i think it s Worth the shot. Good Luck. A Angat the 5,. La Kotur Wiite Landan. We Cam von tartan. Gnu can irl to it in Cue of tin Sim and Soloai. To Bill us. Font spouse preference program discussed would you please clarify the new spouse preference program i have heard several contrasting views and 1 can not fully comprehend the program. I was told by people above me that each base s civil Ian personnel office will be Able to interpret and deviate from this program. How can that be if it is a department of defense policy should t it be observed by All in the same Way no Mailer what the Haw population is or where the base is located items of interest Are if you Are currently employed by Naf do you still have a spouse preference Over prior Naf employees but if you arc currently employed does that nullify the spouse preference 1 am hearing that anyone can claim spouse preference even i they Are presently employed. Does t that neg ate the purpose of Ibe spouse preference program i thought ii was intended to help How who have and a permanent change of station to find jobs More cacs y How can i gain some Insi Ihl into this program so that i know if the co is on the level with me and is not trying to deviate from the policy Flentse pass on any information that you have on this subject. Nam withheld inulin Greece editor s note Allen Kalsh Tui chief. Employee eat Deinart us Cater management or Felon director. Of Cir Lian personnel he. Safe replies we a ppm u be Opportunity to address from the air Force Pence Etton the Reader s a Neilton on Mili tary sume preference. We Weald flirt like to clarify that Ihu is indeed a department at defense Dod program governed by Dod policy. While All Dod components air Force army nit tic Overall under published Dod guid Ance Iben an toot Tali we in spouse preference hiring pontide. This reflects the Denny rallied nature of Faffing program i Herweh the department and the need to Laite to ecu policies la each component mis Sion and personnel program. The Basic principles of the program apply to All agencies. Within the United states air forces in Europe Safe each Dri Lum personnel office Tost implemented Sponau difference in acre Faun Irish Dod air Force and Safe directing. According blk. Litre should be no Duffen bin in the Iray spews preference if applied at Safe Uri title. With regard to Sotir question on current entitlement to i pout preference itt n explain How the Prog Rva work. A military spouse  the Ajmo Rob permanent change of station pcs orders inthe new duty location of it sponsor ii eligible for spouse preference to gain initial employment into the permanent position. Once on the Rolls. In either a non appropriated fond Naf or appropriated fund Poi ton an employee May not exercise some preference again Wilheln the same commuting am. Military poom preference was implemented in Safe in Ibe appropriated fund Side of the Cust in March 1987. Since Al Ihil time spouse preference we not yet in effect for Naf spouses could obtain employ Mentlo Naf and still use their preference for an appropriated fund Job. When it Naf Millarr Srmst prefer ence program is implemented in Safe in december1987, Dod Butnick Laiu Here thai preference applied la initial employment in either a Naf position or an appropriated fund position. In order to Max i mile to Pelcl a Yauip a pal Cwm i am 23 a Alt Qew. Ard t. Of Rig Del so. Pts Ipina a Vitta Pufal Imi my Nama Lotta b ms7-f Eft Tuu. Mimi at p there stationed around the world in military uniform that "60 minutes will never learn of i Aaric with the Reader that the military Justice sys tem does indeed work but there will always be a very Small percentage of injustice due to any number of reasons and five years of one s life is far too High a Price to pay for someone else s mistake. Staff sol Stew l. Wicox Fulda  risks known accepted it s sunday. 6 . I Wank a Early driven by the desire to Check on my people. Another bar an Ameri can favorite was bombed last night thankfully no one was killed. Again we arc reminded of our vulnerability. We understand the risk and adapt accordingly. As United suites defenders overseas we Are prominent targets for fanatics or extremists who dislike . Policy. America you ask much of your men and women in uniform. 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