European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - April 26, 1988, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Openness in adoption Mike Spry with openly adopted pm Dpi Lara 3, end tort 1, of Northur rom Michigan cottage Day can Center in traverse City Mich by Lisa Perlman associated Pressw Hen Lynn Cowsert gave her baby up lot adoption 20 years ago. She was required to sign a document that said she was abandoning her son. Signing thai piece of paper devastated Cowsery almost As much As the thought of never seeing her child again. I was not abandoning my  Cowsert now40, said from her Home in traverse Day Mich. I was saying that t needed 10 give him a family that could provide him with the things thai i could not at the  the wording of thai release document was just one of the negative connotations that adoption earned with it at Tho Lime. Ouf society made him ashamed of net Cowsert says. They were saying Here s this woman who dumped you when i was really trying to make a positive statement by giving him  knowing thai her son win never know the details o his background or his to logic parents weighs heavy on cows sri s mind. And it will always hurl hat i will never have tha Chance to toll my con i love him and a Pinin Why i Mado the decision i did cow of painful experience with the traditional dosed adoption system has propelled her into the forefront of America s open adoption movement she is now vice president of Itte Michigan association for openness in adoption a new. Non profit organization formed to promote the acceptance education and research of open adoption in the United slates open adoption can Range from on Anonymous Exchange of information and tetters Between the birth parents and adoptive parents to pre birth meetings Between the two sides with a plan Lor a continuing relationship alter the child is born. While this method Hay been practice for Aboul 15 years in varying degrees in a few places. The program in traverse City on Michigan s lower Peninsula is considered by Many of be the most progressive in the United Stales its founder social worker James Grifter has completed More than Iso open adoptions in eight yearn As chid welfare coordinator at Community family and children s services of traverse City. The social services Arm of the Catholic diocese of Gaylord Trie organization sponsored the second National conference m open adoption in traverse City in mid april. While Molt adoption agencies in the country Are just beginning to offer open adoption generally in in form of a single meeting Between the twin Mother and adoptive parents Ray few will assist in Selling up on adoption involving continuing Contact says Reuben Pamir a former los Angeles social worker who has written extensively about open adoption. Pannor says the practice is most common in Ca Tomia bul that the traverse City program b As open As any he has seen. Aboul 75 percent of an pregnant women who come to Grifter s Agency wind up requesting a fully open adoption including continuing personal Contact with the child. Almost All want to choose offic adoptive parents from profiles of couples in the Agency s Pool. Some women even choose to select the adoptive parents Early in the pregnancy and have them accompany her to doctor appointments and act As natural childbirth coaches in the delivery room. To Hose cases. The adoptive parents can share mat delicious anxiety that adoptive Parent in a closed placement never experience Gutter says. A the same Cinyk the birth Mother receives the emotional support that often is otherwise unavailable. In most traditional adoptions the birth end adoptive parents Are never identified to one another and the Only information exchanged involves the birth Mother s medical history and racial heritage. Thai was the Way Mike Spry and his wife Jean Rokos always had draught of adoption. When they first heard teach kids three s a crowd in bed by Marianne , Stephen w.gar0er. And Robyn Freedman Spizman Cox news service dear readers Many parents write to us thinking they Are Tho Only ones with a particular problem. That s rarely the Case. Any Parent can Lind himself or herself entrapped in a pattern he or she innocently began in recent weeks we be received several questions thai illustrate this Point. Two of these Are addressed below my husband and 1 have a very Sweet 21 month old son. The problem is that he sleeps with me. 1 know that i should not have started it. But about is months ago. His crib broke and it took one week to get it fined. Since then. I have been trying to break him but i have been unsuccessful i love him of Couise but to should to sleeping by himself and my husband with me to won l sleep with Ilu Tad toys please help sincerely � p my husband end i have made the mis Lake of letting our daughter sleep Wilh us. Now she is 3, and we Are i fyme with Little Success to get her to sleep in her own a Jim to Aie expecting another child so we would like to get her used to n Belore the baby comes which is still a Good Way off. We know to can t undo in one night what has been a bad habit Lor a year and a Hall. Do you have any suggestions sincerely crowded. Dear e. P. And crowded children love to sleep Wilh their parents. If allowed to As you can see a child will continue to climb in that big cozy bed Tor a Long time. Sometimes the pattern is an unspoken Way to avoid issues that parents prefer id ignore. Other times it s just simpler to Lei the nighttime visitor crawl into bed once More. Except perhaps when a sick child needs comforting it s unhealthy for a child to sleep with his parents sleeping win a Parent regularly can undermine the child s Independence Embarrass and ultimately confuse him about his role in the family and the relationship Between patents since you recognize your veed for privacy those issues May help you resolve to change the pattern. Initiate these Steps to restore your bed to it s rightful inhabitants " make the child s bed inviting. Tell your son this is his special place and Lei him select something to keep him company in bed if not a stuffed animal perhaps a Ball or a Book. A nighttime kit placed in a Pillow Case attached to the bed could include those items plus a flashlight lol Tho older child establish a nighttime routine children love rituals. A period of quiet play Panama time Loolah brushing and a Story signal impending bedtime and provide a winding Down period Belore lights Oul. Cuddle with your Little one Reading him a nighttime Story such As Good nigh Moon by mama brawn then firmly say Good night. Develop a game plan. Ii your child resists staying in his own bed. Definitive action such As systematic ignoring will be in order. The lessor sympathetic Parent should respond to the child s Calls or return him to his bed if he attempts to enter yours. Matter of Loewy Lel him it b time logo to sleep then leave. If he cries decide How Long you can resist i to Lears remembering