European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - April 26, 1988, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Aboul open add Pitton "1 Iho Ughi ii a an absolutely Cray  Spry says tour years later the couple ring id children adopted through the traverse Gly program now an enthusiastic supporter of open adoption Spry founded and is president of the s ale advocacy group or openness in adoption he and about 20 other adoptive parents in the association have contributed to a Book on their experiences which is due out in la Jall the main reason the sprys changed their minds was their Hope hat in oui re spare if War children the Emo Jonal Burden Many adopters face due to Sirj secrecy surrounding Kheit Biot Oscal parents the sprys have Kop the doors literally open lot both birth mothers. Part of the Beauty of this program is that we were there when they said goodbye 1o the babies so we can mry appreciate Fust whal Hind of sacrifice the birth Mother has  Spry says. No i want to give something Back want that person to be a part of my me Amy win i to. Of East arising the birth Mother of Iho sprys 1-year-old son says open adoption has been Ideal Lor her the reason i know thai i la never Rylo gel him Back is because i can always know How he s doing and How much he s being loved she says. The potential or interference by she birth Parent is a criticism that in Tor hears often he contends three percent of Black children live or a Only one Parent As do 30 percent of hispanic children for these children especially the leave ii to Beaver and father knows Bast reruns on television Are no More realistic than science lotion. The Eflee sol living with Only one Parent Are not the same Lor All children. How successfully children handle the stress of growing up with a single Parent researchers say. Has to do with Many factors Only some of which can be Corr oiled by parents. Many Oltha problems children suffer appear to be set of More by changes in economics than by the turmoil that attends divorce two out of three children living with Only one Parent Are in thai situation because of divorce of separation. Aboul 60 or to percent of the children of divorce seem to handle in Well said or. Neil m Kaller. A professor of psychology and the director of the Center for the child and the family at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor. Only about a third of those children have serious difficulties until recently psychologists assumed thai children whose parents shared custody of hum had an emotional advantage Over children in the custody of Only one Parent. A California study gust released has found thai for the first two years Afler a divorce children Whoso parents maintained an amicable relationship did equally Well whether one or both parents had custody. Children involved in bitter divorces however had More psychological problems if they were placed in joint custody than in the custody of one Parent. Shuttling Between two hostile parents caused Signi Canary More Ilyass than living full Lime with Only one of them other differ prices in now Well children Cope with divorce depend on the child s age and sex. The reasons Lor the sen differences Are unclear although studies have shown that Young boys rom divorced Homes tend to get less emotional support from parents and teachers than Young Guys. This lower level of support Lor boys comes Al a Lime when girls Are generally More socially competent and emotionally Matuie. Among pre adolescent children boys Are Moro Likely to have major problems than girls. Preschool boys Olien show a pronounced sadness or withdrawal they May cling to their mothers mothers Havo Solo or primary custody of heir children in b9 percent of divorces and refuse to go la Day care or kindergarten they May begin to wet their Beds or show other behaviour usually seen in younger children preschool girls show the same problems although nol As frequently. As the children Enlet elementary school their behaviour problems change researchers say boys from divorced families have More problems with concentration and schoolwork said or. Gary b Melton past president of the division of child youth and family services of the american psychological association. Girls of that age irom divorced families Are Lor the most part Likely to respond to their stress by becoming quiet and depressed. These responses often bring less attention from parents than the aggressiveness of their Brothers. In adolescence the balance of problems Shilts toward the Girts. Kalter has found that teen age Guys from divorced families Are More Likely than girls irom two Parent Homes to use illegal drugs. They also become sexually Active at an earlier age. These kinds of  can occur years after the  Kaller said in the past. It they Dirjon i occur right away we did t sea them As divorce or awl we now know that girls often look ii by they re handling things very Well until they reach laity adolescence one of the beat ways to help your children is to take Good care of you sell. Much of How Well the child docs depends on How Many resources the Parent can Owsler Mellon said. The less stress the Parent is under the less stress the child will be undo " the Mother who tries to sacrifice her life outside Iha lain july As a Way to make up for the absent Parent May m fact be Able to give her children kiss than the Mother who is More involved with people and activities outside the Home. Try to provide a male role Model for both boys and Girts this need nol be the Falhie. Psychologists say. Especially if relations Between Parent Are strained ii both parents Are amicable and emotionally healthy according to Kalter the children Wil do Betti if the lather sees them at least once a week. Finally try to limit try number of limes the family changes places to live. Moving to a new House or apartment can be especially upsetting to children whose family Structure has just changed the stars and stripes Page 15