European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - August 6, 1988, Darmstadt, Hesse                                By Steve Hart Santa Rosa Calif press Democrat they re the presidential candidates you never  Clarita Chi Chi Fazzari a 62-year-old retired Mambo dancer once known As the cuban fireball. Or Leonard Orr whose 3-year-old daughter spirit was born under water. Or Buck Buchanan a 77-year-old minister who says smog is causing chickens to Lay funny coloured eggs. Or Al Hamburg the candidate from hell. Or comedian Pat Paulsen of Asti Calif., whose National television exposure and name on the new Hampshire primary ballot give him a higher profile than the others. Paulsen is one of the perennials on the Tongue in Cheek Campaign circuit. According to the Federal election commission More than 300 candidates for president Are on file at the Agency s Headquarters in Washington. Fred Eiland a commission spokesman said it does t take much Effort to join the race. Anyone can fill out the application papers and be added to the official candidate list Eiland said. There s no screening of applicants for the nation s highest office. One Wyoming Man is running his dog for president. A group of women from Baltimore registered a robot. We Don t ask for a biography Eiland said getting on the ballot in one of America s 50 states is another Story. Of 54 candidates who have spent at least $5,000 on their campaigns Only a handful have had their names on All the primary election ballots. Few have the Money or organization it takes to meet the states ballot requirements. That does t deter Little known candidates from sending Campaign literature to newspapers or hitting the Campaign Trail in person. Fazzari said she decided to run for president because she was disgusted by conventional politicians. She was a West coast nightclub sensation in the 1950s, dancing the Rumba and Mambo in a skimpy fringed outfit. I Shook All Over she said. She married a wealthy furniture dealer and won an $800,000 settlement when she divorced him in 1973. Fazzari said she s made millions investing in California real estate and wants to apply her management skills to Erma Bombeck cuban fireball and a candidate from Hel want to be president up l candidate Pat Paulsen mayor and benevolent dictator of Asti Calif. Government. Fazzari hit the Campaign Trail in a motor Home promising to get Tough with foreign dictators and drug dealers. Orr 51, who lives in the Mountain Hamlet of Sierraville Calif., said he offers a new approach to representative government. He said there should be a neighbourhood representative for every 1,000 people in America to act As Liaison Between voters and their elected officials. Orr a self described millionaire business consultant said a vote for him is a vote for truth simplicity and  his political philosophy is outlined in a video that Sells for $50. Buchanan a retired los Angeles policeman ran a Southern California ranch for troubled youngsters. A perennial candidate he travels the state in a motor Home emblazoned with anti Reagan slogans. Buchanan is campaigning to reduce air pollution saying smog has caused his chickens to Lay coloured eggs. Hamburg is a crusty Veteran of the korean and Vietnam wars who lives in hell Wyo. He s unsparing in his criticism of Reagan. That stupid Reagan has been nothing but a front for the dope dealers and criminals that have used their flunkies in the Pentagon to turn the Little people of America into slaves helping to pay for More and More nuclear weapons Hamburg said. Then there s . Black who works in a convenience store in Caney Kan. He s a presidential write in candidate along with his running mate George Weaver a Caney truck Driver with Over 1 million Miles on the  Florida s William King is the Man responsible for signs at nationally televised sporting events that read John 3 16," referring to the Bible verse. King is running on a biblical platform saying scripture offers the answers to America s problems. Paulsen the self proclaimed mayor and benevolent dictator of the Village of Asti ran in 1968 and 1972, when he was a regular on the original smothers Brothers show and again this year when the show held a 20th anniversary reunion and a Brief television run. Fazzari said she was stopping at Small towns along the Way to the democratic National convention this summer to give folks a look at a genuine presidential candidate. Ill be in places most of the candidates never even think of going she said. I speak their  Steve Hart is a reporter for the Santa Rosa Calif press Democrat. This article was distributed by the new York times news service. Today s Young mothers did t invent guilt. It was patented by . One Day she left the House to get water. When she returned Cain had tied his brother Abel to a Boulder with his Slingshot. She Felt Rotten inadequate As a Mother and consumed with blame. It was guilt. Adam told her it was. Eve did t know it but on that Day she discovered one of the major religions of the world. Since then women have thrown themselves on its altar every morning of their lives begging forgiveness for the sins they Are about to commit in the name of motherhood. When i had children my Mother warned Don t leave them by themselves in the daytime and Don t leave them alone at night. A child should never bleed alone or you la never forgive yourself. They need supervision even when they Are doing nothing. When they Are doing something they need it even More. One moment they May be playing happily and the next thing you know you re on your Way to the Hospital. Leave them for five minutes and they forget who you  Page 16 the stars and stripes one year later this same Mother said to me you re smothering them. Children need room to breathe. They re spoiled and you have Only yourself to blame. They will grow up and never be Able to think for themselves because they have been overprotected. They have to learn to make their own mistakes. They Are suffering from Tom too much Mother she was Only passing Down the Litany passed Down to her Mother. I be been Reading All these stories about How today s mothers feel guilty because their kids run to grandma for Comfort instead of them or How their children would rather spend time watching magnum . Reruns than talking about their Day. These mothers torture themselves with remorse because they Don t keep a traditional household like their mothers did. Are you crazy it s always been that Way. I was a Mother who was married to the front door. I was like a Doorman opening it and closing it for everyone including the dog for 20 years. I never lifted my hand to Pat one of the kids on the head that he did t flinch and saturday augusts 1988 say i m telling  when they hit their Junior High years i sat there every Day with milk and cookies. You know who drank the milk and ate the cookies Don t you i did. They had football practice track meets tryouts for glee club and Messing around at some Friend s House until dark. I m not suggesting motherhood is something you can phone in. I m saying if god had wanted us to hover Over kids he d have Given us a Pouch to store them in. I read one Story that suggested mothers pick out a guilt chair and Structure their worry time to work out their anxieties. Please. If you Ever get a Chance to sit Down forget the guilt. Just grab the closest kid to you pull him on your Lap regardless of age and say i love you a lot kid and if you Ever forget it i m going to break every Bone in your body " that s All either of you need to know. C 1968 Erma Bombeck