European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - September 12, 1988, Darmstadt, Hesse The stars and stripes Fetters Page 11 Arm Landers wife says she resents patronizing letters 1 am fed up with the patronizing idlers printed in this column concerning dependent wives. Let and woman dare to complain about her lot and the chauvinistic men and Phyllis Schlafly Type women Are Quick to slap her Back into her place. Stop whining be a Good helpmate after All your Man has had a hard Day Oul there keeping the world Safe for democracy. Gel Oul and Sec the country 1 always wonder How wives of Junior enlisted personnel feel on hearing this last piece of advice Strug gling As they do to make ends meet on Low pay and unfavourable Exchange rates. Perhaps the writers of these types of letters expect women to set out on foot with one child on her Back and another on her hip to see the country in a recent letter a writer accuses dependent wives of excessive gossiping and reprimands them for complaining about Host nation workers taking jobs away from military dependents. How do you know they were gossiping perhaps they were commiserating with one another or engaging in that healthy psychological process called unhurt it thing. Perhaps they regretted leaving Good paying jobs with medical and denial benefits in the United slates for inferior military health care. Perhaps they were insulted As i was at their Den Lal clinic on being Lold we re Here primarily to serve acl ivc duly perhaps they arc fed up. As my neighbors and friends arc. With trying to get any dental care Al All. At our clinic it involves ringing the clinic to Sec if they can fit you in dependent wives Are not Al Lowed to make appointment Sand on being told thai they can. Driving Hubby to work so you can have the car. Making the 20 to 30-Minutc depending on where you live drive to Raf Upwood sitting in the office for one two. Maybe Ihrcke hours and finally being Lold i m sorry we can t fit you in Afler nothing brings our second class Seal us i no sharper focus than a Lour overseas. We can t even open a charge account without our sponsor s signature. The whole situation is demoralizing. Here 1 would like to Point Oul Hal we volunteered for this our second Lour in Britain. We enjoy travel ing and learning about other countries. But Lei s face if it s Rainy and cold Here for the belter pan of the year. And most of our Lime is taken up by the daily routine of life work school chores Al Home Etc. I am fortunate enough to be fairly adaptable but i can offer sympathy and encouragement to Hose who Are not in closing. I d like to Siviy that dependent wives should nut feel guilty about complaining. They certainly have grounds for it. In fact it s unhealthy to suppress anger and resentment. Only Afler a problem 1ms been thrashed out can positive Steps be taken for improvement. Kathy Acklin Kak Alconbury England this is a comment on a recent letter tilled suggestions offered on overseas living the writer stated that he has served More than 6 years in the service. Well. I have served 35 years 20 years As a child of a military family and 15 As a wife pen pals i am 15 Yari of and would Cha la Ruwa on pal from any part full the world i m � Pom. Gigli. Music and Lushire b co. Mth eng bnapon.v.nyowc6 Flam Lal m in your pen pal column i in k Jim old my Ochei Indus Wanna coot in. I we and imaging. Elarsta h. Viniola . Boi Kidi Pawin. Co Labalo of a member of the air Force. I also have had the Opportunity to live Al six stateside bases and overseas Tours including Iceland England Italy and Germany. First Lei me clarify something. We dependent wives Are not dependent on our husbands. We Are ourselves we have our own identity. You see it s the husbands who Are dependent. They depend on us for the following cooking gelling groceries paying the Bills registering the kids for school taking their uniforms to the cleaners volunteering to bake for the shop writ ing letters to their parents buying Christmas pre sents some sex washing their dirty laundry cleaning House washing d wishes. The writer claimed Hal Loo Many times dependent wives isolate themselves from reality and lock them selves in their quarters or snack bars on Post and prefer to do excessive gossiping about neighbouring families hurting not Only i hair neighbors friends and Community but also creating problems for them selves. The Way i Sec it the dependent wives Are the ones who Are working Al inc Exchange Shoppe Etc commis sary Thrift shop family services or As nurses and red Cross volunteers in the denial clinic. These arc he wives who Are Al family support teachers who help Tutor Al the school and also help out at the Chapel i personally Don t Sec How they have the time to gossip. Without them you would not be Able to exist properly. They Are what helps make the adjustment overseas easier and make in almost Home. The writer slated thai too Many limn soldiers and dependents arc seen outside the bases Silling in bars restaurants or on inc Street wearing extreme Ctol hcs and carrying blaring stereo sets wherever they go. I have heard of More soldiers in the bars than dependents. I have heard of More soldiers put in jail for drunkenness than wives. Most of the Lime it s the wives who ask their husbands to ask some of the single soldiers Over for dinner just to get them out of inc Barracks. The writer complains that Loo Many limes dependent wives and children can be heard making outspoken impolite remarks and complaints about inc Hosl Nalion people and i hair country. He claims that this is inc Start of a disease leading to prejudice. It appears to Slan Al inc Soldier and spread to his Fame l Phil the Maine an Leif family Man. I suppose the writer Means to Tell me All single soldiers Are Angels and never a four letter word come out. I have heard Many single soldiers make impolitic remarks and their vocabulary of four letter words is unbelievable. 1 have heard single soldiers talk like this in the Exchange and commissary where Young children Are present. So if icy talk like this on base you can imagine How they Are on inc Economy. Slop blaming us inc family. In his last paragraph inc writer Stales and finally. Loo Many times and i hair de Pendents complain and cry about High deposits on off Post we have a right to complain about i. 1 Las he Ever tried to live in off base housing with two children is he married i gather from his letter he s not. Otherwise he would surely know the expense involved with children with a permanent change of station move from the United Stales. 1 will not sign my name to this letter us i feel i have written in for All wives of All branches of the services. There still is one prejudice going on and that s the Label Given to children and wives of the Scricc member dependent. We Are wives and Chil Dren of a military Man and a family. Name withheld Ramsten a West Germany dear Ann Landers my Uncle Joe married Mary in 1927. Ten years later she died. He bought a targe cemetery clot with a place next to her for him self. Less than a year later. Uncle Joe married Ruih. Who was Mary s Best Friend. Ruth died in 1950. He buried her on inc other Side of the grave site. In 1951, he married Minnie. This marriage lasted 28 years then Uncle Joe died. Before his death he told Minnie that he wanted to be buried Between Ruth and Mary. This realty Hurt her a lol. After All she had been married to Joe far longer than Bolh of the other wives combined. Uncle Joe had become an invalid the last eight years and Minnie wailed on him hand and fool. He never appreciated a thing she did for him and treated her like she was hired help. A few years ago Minnie died. She was buried with her family in another cemetery. Even though Joe was my Unrur i believe he gave Hal dear woman in Lousy Deal and so does the rest of inc family. Care to comment dear k 1 know of in solution to inc problem since nobody knows in Advance who 1 going to go final or How Many spouses May follow it dots Stem to Wrner thit Uncle Joe could have arranged for Minnie to be burled somewhere near him when it became apparent that he was going first. Ii sounds As if he trotted her in death the same Way he mated her during their marriage. Shabbily. Dear Ann Landers teardrops in Shreveport wrote that whal had been a warm relationship with her husband has turned into a cold War and her marriage is falling apart. You suggested that he might have a fear of intimacy or that he May be having an affair with anole or woman. I could have written that letter two years ago. I would bet anything that teardrops husband is having an affair nol with anole or woman bul with cocaine his coldness and indifference arc classic symptoms of an addict who is hiding his drug use. Please make this woman aware of this. Take in from me i be been there. Two years ago my husband went to a rehab clinic and he has been clean Ever since. It s been a Long difficult Road and our marriage is by no Means per Fucci bul we re together now and the worst is behind us. We could t have done in without the excellent sup port provided by cocaine Anonymous. Please plug the growing self help organizations Ann. They do a fab Ulous Job. A True believer in Lake Ariel. A. Dear believer cocaine Anonymous often succeeds when other at tempts to get aft the Jonk have failed. This organization has More than 1,000 groups i in based on inc concept of alcoholics Anonymous people who share com Mon problem. Anyone interested to learning Boul a chapter near you can write or Call cocaine Anonymous . Box 1m7, Culver City calf 90239. The phone is 213 559 5833. Dear Ann Landers one i inc from your column has changed our i Ives. It is this one Don l Seal the Small our iwo College kids were Home for he summer and we did t have a single fight. Nobody blew up Over some Small thing and nothing big Ever came along. Thanks for the help. Gulf Breeze Fla. Dear Breeze funny How everything is obvious after someone Points in oat. Thanka for Kuk a know 1 helped a Leller such As yours males Ray Day. Miry us Lehi tin us t a Eti to. To 0521 1. 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