European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - September 22, 1988, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Columns the Joys of Little boys and working at Home 1 find Thiol inc of tin  advantages of working no Home besides tin Ninvia Nonnce of always   Large stupid ii k sleeping directly under my desk we Fri my fret me supposed logo is thai i gel an of port Unity to pr.iciiti1 my parenting skills. My son knows that if lit1 Lus. A problem he can come inn my office and Lalk to me no any Lime even if i m very Busy. I be tried Lucking ii door bul he knows How to open it Wilh a screwdriver. Usually he comi s in when i m deeply involved in the Cri alive protest of dipping exactly one hour s or owl from each  while i try to think of something in resling i while about. Dad he shouts throwing open the door and barging in. Could a Boa  Robert i say i m  bul this is Imp Orlana he says. Could a Boa Constrictor get into this House there Aren t any to i constrictors Here son. This is Coral cables  out if there was on could he get in no because he could t open the door. Snakes Don t have hands. Now .,." what if he was hiding in the Bushes and when Mommy came Home and she opened the door the Boa Constrictor came Rushing inf yes. Of. A Boa cons Ricelor could get in if he rushed in when Mommy opened the  i thought so.  about ,1 cheetah sometimes when he runs out of conversational topics from space he invites his friends Over. I can Lell when he has done this because the House echoes with the Joyful sound of doors being slammed shut at approximately 30-second intervals each slam causing my desk to be propelled 1b inches off Ihu floor by one of the most powerful Force in All of nature a startled dog a question that i m sure Many of you have asked yourselves is How come Lille boys who refuse to close anything else drawers refrigerators toothpaste lubes faucet valves and above All the lids on toilet bowls feel compelled to repeatedly and unnecessarily close doors with a Force sufficient to be clearly audible in Nova Scotia the answer is it s a code. They use ii system of door slams to Alert other Little boys on the worldwide Little boy communications network that they need assistance. I know this because when i open my office door to deliver the traditional angry futile parental command Slop slamming those door a Oki. Slami often find not just two or three Little boys but hundreds of them Little boys i be never seen before Little boys from several different states All of them Here to help with the urgent task of screwing Robert s possessions All Over. This is a massive strewing of because he has Many possessions each of which consists of Many parti. Vou Lake for example a Basic item such As the sky commanders outrider vehicle. This comes with a cockpit pod a Docking unit two bombs a scout seat a Power band strap a laser transport Cable a Gravity Clamp and of course an action figure commander Rex Kling himself. And the outrider vehicle is just one Small part of the extensive sky commanders collection which is no to be confused with the masters of the universe mask visionaries supernatural Star wars army ants ghost busters Vollon transformers Dino a Tours to humanoids and teen age mutant ninja Tull a a collections and All the other major toy systems that Little boys will continue to View As absolute necessities of life until concerned parents Start making their views known by using Sears craftsman soldering Irons to Brand the words sold separately into the foreheads of executives of the nation s leading Lay companies. So i emerge from my office and the House looks As though it has been visited by some kind of amphetamine crazed Santa Claus. There Are disassembled toy system parts everywhere and scurrying among them Are thousands of Small nuclear powered boys hard at work strewing and slamming and shouting. I quickly realize that this is a time for Strong parental action. Now listen Here i say striding Forth i want to see every single  " this lets the boys know in no Uncertain terms that i have stepped in a firm be barefooted manner on the Battle beasts Balling big Horn Bailie Charlna and that i am hopping authoritatively Back into my office the worst part is when they get completely Quiel. The last time they did this i investigated and found them in the master bedroom watching the to with intense concentration. On the screen was a Man with Blue skin standing next to a woman who appeared to be hypnotized. The Man was holding an enormous Needle. When 1 stick this Needle through her hand the Man was saying she will be my Bride forever a a a a a he seized the woman s hand. He raised the Needle. I sprinkled Back toward my office. Vou can Call me irresponsible if you want but i am willing to carry parenting Only so far. If you think you can do belter then Parent your own child. He s probably Over Here. Provide a hint about preferred form of address by miss manners untied feature Syndicate dear miss manners my husband a pastor had a nervous breakdown 11 years ago. He recovered and has been supporting his family and leading a productive life for a Long Lime. But he is no longer a full time minister and now Many relatives and acquaintances write to us As Bill and sue or the  my husband was not defrocked and he teaches Bible classes and is a substitute preacher but we Don t even gel the Courtesy of a or. And  on our mail let alone Rev. And  creeping cards or letters that arrive like this Are totally pointless As far As i m concerned because of he putdown in the Way they Are addressed. What should i do gentle Reader has not miss manners expounded enough on the misunderstandings that arc Likely to occur when people take it upon themselves to improvise their social behaviour instead of relying upon common conventions this is another such Case. Miss manners promises you thai the intolerable informality of which you justly complain has nothing to do with the stale of your husband s past health or present occupation. It is merely part of the increasing informally used As a misguided demonstration of friendliness. The Way to counteract l his is not by assuming that people arc sending you greeting cards to insult you but to inform them of your preference. An easy Way to get thai Point across would be to have correspondence cards made with the Rev. And mrs. William Smith at the lop and to use them to write the sort of messages Happy birthday thank you for the delightful evening that less imaginative people buy greeting cards to convey. Dear miss manners a Good Friend of mine and t travel together from time to time and one year his Mother went with us to France. 1 have been to France Many limes and feel comfortable knowing their customs and what they expect of visitors. His Mother simply would not try to understand French menus or How to order from one As a result she had a lot of trouble with waiters and waitresses. Her comment was always i like my Way Best. I la just look around and see what other people Are eating and ask them what it  needless to say the people she asked were not thrilled at this intrusion info their privacy so she got mixed and rather Curt answers. I suggested that if she wanted to know what someone else was having she should Ash the Waller not the patrons themselves. Her reply was where t come from nobody seems to  my reply was you re nol there you re in Paris. Now we arc planning a trip to London. I be asked her son la mention this matter As i Don t want a repeat of the disaster in France. He says i m overreacting. I say it s rude to interrupt other people s meals and conversations. Gentle Reader it is even Ruder to drool Over other people s food while they Are trying to eat. Miss manners dares say that your Friend s Mother does not actually know whether this is considered charming in her Hometown she Only knows that people there Are too polite to Register annoyance at the intrusion. Unfortunately you must also be too polite to Correct this lady s manners. Although miss manners agrees with your reaction except for the insinuation that a higher Standard of manner is practice in Paris than in the United Stales she agrees Wilh your Friend that you arc overreacting in thai you Are assuming the embarrassment for another person s error. Dear miss manners i collect autographs but i do nol know the proper Way to ask for one. First i am somewhat shy and then when i do ask i feel As ii i disturbed the person in some Way. When you see a person who is Welt known How do you present yourself is it of to ask for your name on it can you ask for two autographs is it of to write and ask for an autograph i mostly collect autographs of sports personalities so when i ask them i often have to do so when they Are on the Way to the locker room. Gentle Reader autograph seeking is Best done when the object of it is acting in his or her Public capacity right before or after a game or performance or at some scheduled Public appearance. You May also write re queuing one. Under these circumstances a simple May i please have your autograph of is a flattering request. Unless others Are crowded around waiting or the object of your intentions ii in an obvious hurry you can ask for a name or even two autographs. Autograph seeking can be obtrusive when the person is spotted while going about his private business. If you should see someone you Admire in a restaurant for example t he police thing to do is to Send a written request by a waiter if you Are in a shop and your tentative smile of recognition is returned that suggests willingness to cooperate a cornered look and backward Gall suggest that you have either the wrong person or the wrong time. Have a Ouess on on etiquette to write to Mist manners in care of the Stan and stripes Apo 0921j. Your question Nill be forwarded to her. Miss manners regrets thai she can answer questions Only in her column. Walt Mytr 22f 19td i tip it mtg Tibiae