European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - October 13, 1988, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Columns what s that Glimmer on the Roadside a Beer can by Joseph Owen thanks fur Schinn i on such Short notice doctor t knt Youir wailing room is full so i la in Brief. 1 onto in might 1 . Your average Gnudi  by dude with .1 fairly Normal mix of Virtues it or pcs ind perversions and in  Ruutti edges to make me Slick Nul Artim i he crowd. I Don 1 think so any More. My closet has no Skeleton bul my Aidlic makes up for ii. It s full of Beer cans. I did l mean to Star collecting them doctor. Honest. T tried Normal hobbies. I saved lamps As a kid begging relatives to Hoard hem for me and prowling through trays of used Stamps Al local antique shops. I scoured Post offices ill Over i he county urging clerks to look in he Back of drawers behind file cabinets and under other furniture for some rarity which might have fallen there Long ago. Had they known my name some three dozen frustrated clerks in Maine often would have squeezed it Between a few Choice obscenities. Bul i never identified myself. After Alt my parents still wanted their mail. And there were coins. My paper route provided a lot of them and when the route manager came by for my payment i d make him dump out his huge bag of change and look for Indian head Nickels. Those hobbies seemed respectable and did t take up 3 Heck of a lot of room. Bul i lost interest. With marriage and a move to Pittsburgh i thought i had left my collecting Days behind me. Of i saved a few National geographies every Issue from 1935 to 1976, and a Hunch of older ones bul i gave them All away Al once and did t even flinch. I accumulated lots of old books Loo but they were no Hobby they were education. My wife of course looked upon them chiefly As dust magnets. But what civilized Man could survive without say the Complete 1911 edition of encyclopedia Bri Tanica and three copies of the great gatsby anyway just As i was lulled into thinking i had matured some friends and i look a fateful walk to the Corner Beer distributor in fall of 77, we had a powerful thirst As i recall a condition which in Hose Days seemed to afflict us any time we weren t asleep. The distributor had All the sunt stuff but i noticed that the local suds Iron City Beer were packaged in four or five weird labels i had never seen. We bought them As a Lark and drank  put a Sample of each Label on top of the refrigerator. Ten years later i still have those cans and about 4,000 other weird Label. In Pittsburgh i found other people ill eccentric males with patient families who save cans. We wandered through the gutters collecting them. We hit every distributor in the City we Hung around the Back of the brewery on trash Day. We compared notes on rust removal. As my wife pointed out i washed dirty Beer cans More often than the dishes and hat was before i Fot serious about collecting. We moved Back to Maine where other collectors were scarce so Beer cans became part of each vacation. I unearthed Small dumps in the Woods ail Over new England and the mar times pulled cans from tidal pools in British Columbia combed City Parks in Quebec and raided grocery stores across the Midwest. My cellar filled up gradually. Owning the collection still is no big Deal however we acquired a big attic upon moving to Germany the chief problem now is overcoming the embarrassment of acquiring cans. Al least my wife no longer covers her face and Slinks Down in the front Seal when i pull into an autobahn rest area and begin sorting through the trash cans. Actually my collecting is sort of a Public service. It reduces Roadside litter and that Adriatic Beach was a lot cleaner when i left last summer. Still other passengers must have thought i had lost my Wallet or my marbles when i fished through shipboard trash cans on the ferry to Sweden. Only the rats in that London Alley intimidated me. Doctor please your eyes Are glazing Over. Stay with me for just a few minutes More my addiction is not the most extreme Case Pun intended i be known. My Friend Gary also has been collecting for several years. He Loo forages through the Tiller at autobahn rest areas. Kind hearted people have offered him sandwiches and Loose change because they thought he was destitute. Once Gary slopped Al n rest area in Bruchal just North of Karlsruhe with another collector. Their wives were also in the car. It was a Clear frosty january Day. The parking lot a is nearly empty. The two men sprinted Down the parallel rows of trash bins methodically tipping up each lid and peering inside. They found a few cans raced Back to their warm car and drove away. Near Stuttgart in hour later a police officer in a porsche pulled them Over and took Gary s License and registration without explanation. A Man in a White Mercedes pulled up behind them and started chattering with the cop in German Whiteh Gary s wife Nancy can understand. Those Are the Guys he said the ones t saw making the drug pick up in the trash Back in  no you Don t understand. They were just after Beer cans Nancy moaned look in the  they opened Gary s hunk. The odor of stale Beer washed Over the baffled cop As he surveyed the Heap of cans. The Man with the Mercedes threw up his hands in confusion and despair. Amis he cried using the not so complimentary German nickname for americans. He got into his car and drove away very fast. Well doctor t d slay longer bul i can see i m interrupting your Nap. Besides i was just looking out your window Here and the glint of sunlight off some cylindrical object in the Bottom of thai Rusty trash dumpster in the parking lot just caught my Eye. I Hope it s not just a Pepsi can this is my Best suit. Oran i i s1� Wittor Tilg i u a Sunland  in Siu Girt. Keep writing and Don t try to Reform your sister by miss manners United feature Syndicate dear miss manners my problem is thai 1 Don t receive letters from my Siiter who lives in a different City. She remembers birthdays with gifts and phone Calls and receives guests with chum and Grace bul she will not respond in writing. So f4r, i have dealt with the problem by writing about one letter a year and sulking until i receive my birthday present when i Call to thank her. Should i Slop writing and just pick up the phone when i want to talk to Herf gentle Reader miss manners is a believer in the Charm of letter writing As you seem to be and finds that even intensive telephoning does not sustain a Long distance relationship without the added intimacy and depth it is possible to put into letters. But she docs not recommend attempting to Reform one s grown up sister. Nor should you attempt either to punish her or to inhibit your own feelings by ceasing to write. Yes pick up he Telephone when you want la talk to her but pick up a pen when you feel like writing to her. Zurhap the Charm of receiving a letter which she cannot help but feel will some Day inspire her to write one. Dear miss manners my wife and i will be celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary with a reception sit Down dinner and dance for about 75 guests. I would like to make a very Short speech commenting on the Grace of god that enabled us to live to our 50th anniversary my thankfulness Al having such a Beautiful wife and the fact that she made me a very Happy Man when she chose me to be her husband 50 years ago. My Wile thinks that my making a speech is out of line. She has never heard of a Groom of so years making any comments whatsoever on an anniversary and she says in is definitely a no no. Gentle Reader god seems to have blessed you Vilh a wife who is modest As Well As Beautiful and gracious. While miss manners would not dream of arguing with her ban against speeches she would think it Lovely of you to offer a last to your wife. In which you simply state that you Are thankful Etc dear miss manners our grandson in to be married soon. I have a full eight piece place setting of Fine China that belonged to his great grandmother. Would it be appropriate to give this at a wedding gift if so should Here be an explanation of the original owner the grandson was 8 years old when she passed on bul he remembers her Well. Gintle Reader miss manners can hardly think of a More charming present combining the Beautiful the practical and the sentimental. But you would be lessening its value if you failed to explain i is history. By ill Means a charming letter of explanation meant to be Kepi in his family for future generations should accompany the present. Dear miss manners my husband and i arc planning la attend a Semi Onnal  please define the phrase Semi format  is my husband s suit appropriate is a Short evening dress considered semiformal would a Long casual dress do gentle Reader semiformal Means the hosts want to give a formal Ball bul arc intimidated by people who say they hate . They therefore Settle for a Hodgepodge effect believing it impossible to persuade everyone to dress properly. A Ball ought to mean that gentlemen Wear at least Black tie unless White tie is specified and that ladies should Wear Ball dresses which Are Long wide Low Cut and anything but casual. Since you asked miss manners she will Tell you to dress properly. However should you prefer to make less of an Effort you could seek a second opinion from your hosts. They will undoubtedly reply Wimily of anything you feel comfortable  have a question on etiquette write to miss manners in care of the stars and stripes Apo 09211, your question will be forwarded to her. Miss manners regrets that the can Only answer questions in her column. October 13, 1sbs trip Al  3