European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - October 19, 1988, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Retirement can Strain a marriage by Patricia Keegan new York times Athryn Kossis retired from a Job she moved in 1981 Al the age of 68becauseol failing health. Her husband Ralston retired a Yea later. Since thai time the couple moved loan apartment in Santa Monica calif., and they no longer own a car. Kossis said her husband q 45 years was consent to read and Walch television. She is not but rasher than argue with him. She often lakes walks alone to the Beach. There is conversation Kossis said o her relationship with her husband bul it is mainly surface. It is not the real in Cpl i conversation that i would like my husband is very Inlet gang bul he does t want to talk about feelings. Thai s to whole Story of the  belly and Bill Hagen of Maywood. N. A. Retired almost Lour years ago at the Ages of 60 and 62, respectively at first Hagen was reluctant to give up her of bul alter her husband suffered a minor heart attack she was glad she was Mere for him. The couple now share the chores in the House hey have owed for 25 years and for the past two years have been helping a Friend with a new business. They use their part time earnings Tor trips Wilh a local group Lor the elderly. A lot of people had problems Wilh retirement but we did  said Hagen who has been married Tor 42 years. Wherever we go we go together. We have a Nice relationship. What could we argue about both couples have gone through with differing results one of tile s most difficult transitions retirement from full time jobs. The changes in style of life that often accompany retirement like the loss of a regular routine a geographic move a smaller income concern soul health and increased Lima Wilh Ono g spouse Are All situations hat create anxiety. When experienced All Al once they can shake up a marriage. Whenever there Are changes in the Lito Cycle it puts an added Strain on the individual and the couple said Thomas e. Sanders assistant executive director of the Home care and geriatrics division of Westchester jewish Community services in Earlsdale . It causes an eruption of the problems that were there bul were somewhat  with the median ago of retirement for american men falling it is now 62 compared with 65 in 1970 and the average tile expectancy rising 71 5 Lor american men and 78.3 Lor women married couples can now expect to spend what May be decades together after one or both spouses Stop working. Though the Federal government has abolished mandatory retirement at ago 70 Lor most workers the trend Loward earlier retirement is expected to continue because people Are Able to draw social Security and pension benefits White in their Early 60s. Said Philip Rones a senior economist with the . Bureau of labor statistics. Retired couples today can expect to have a lot of years together said or. Helen 0. Kivnick a psychologist in glance Iii. She and other experts agree thai those years can be delightful. Ii anything supposedly negative consequences of retire men exist or Only a minority of people said or. Ronald Abeles Deputy associate director of the behavioural and social research program of the National Institute on aging in Bethesda my the stress in t As great As we  however the same experts said retired couples May have some trouble adjusting to their new styles of life. Or. Robert n. Butter chairman of the department of gerontology and adult development at mount Sinai Page 11 the stars and stripes medical Center in new York said the live most common problem areas were the nature of the relationship in lha increased time together divergent interests reduced sexual intimacy smaller income and failing health. Or. Arthur l. Kovacs a psychologist in Santa Monica said that if the marriage lost a lot of vitality Over the years the couple May not have noticed because they have been  it is Only when the husband and wife begin spending Large amounts of Lime together that they May realize that they have nothing in common he explained. A potential trouble spot More common now with the increase in dual career couples occurs when one spouse usually the husband is ready to retire before the other is. The husband typically eels very Hurt Kovacs said. It s As it the Wile does t love him if she wants 1o continue to work. In this situation he said it becomes a question of 1 whose needs Are going to predominate Raymond and Betty Frederick of Dearborn mich., faced this Issue five years ago. Frederick was then 59. The pipeline company Lor which he had worked for 27 years made him an Atira Clive offer for Early retirement his wife then 57, had taken a Job As an insurance adjuster after raising the couple s three children and wanted to continue her career. Frederick gladly assumed some household responsibilities such As grocery shopping. But knowing Hal he would not be Happy at Home a took a Lull time Volunteer Job with the american Assoc Lalion of retired persons and became Cliva in several Community organizations. I enjoy doing these things he said. If a important to a. It s important that people Lind thai  coping with jealousy by David Jacobson Hartford Courante jealousy once the bloodshot bar Stool province of hound dog country singers is being taken on by psychological science. Two Yale researchers have spent live years probing the Complex emotions that make our blood boil and our hearts sink delving Inlo the blues of jealousy and the Green of envy to paint a portrait of thwarted desires. Their latest findings published in the fall Issue of the journal of social and clinical psychology show that when it comes to coping Wilh the pain of Hose emotions most of us do the wrong thing. The Best Way to reduce the intensity of those feelings the researchers conclude is to pursue what they Call  it s sort of a strategy where you say i m just not going to let ii gel to me " says Peter Salovey. An assistant professor of psychology Al Yale. " i m just going to keep my Day to Day activities going " he continues. " i m not going to blow Oil a lot of steam. I m not going to sulk. But instead i m just going to keep on doing what i be always been doing and slay just As committed to my goals As i be Ever been " instead when Many of us Leet jealous or envious we May try to Comfort ourselves Wilh special treats or by focusing on our Good qualities a strategy the researchers Label  this approach May ease some of the associated depression and anger bul it won t reduce feelings of jealousy and envy reports Salovey and fellow researcher Judith Rodin a Yale professor of psychology Medicine and psychiatry. A third approach selective ignoring involves placing less emphasis and importance on something that s making you jealous or envious. Not As effective As sell Reliance it still helped reduce jealousy better than Seli bolstering. The tales findings Are based on a Survey of 95 Yale undergraduates who were asked what made them feel the most envious and jealous and what proved to be the Best ways for hem