European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - November 28, 1988, Darmstadt, Hesse                                The stars and stripes Page 11 a Fri Landers dear Ann Landers i am a woman who has held executive positions in a major fir for 20 years. People have always confided in me for reasons i Amnot Sureff. 1 am disturbed at the number often and women who Tell me they arc unhappily married and say the problem is in the bedroom. At least half of the couple would get a divorce if they could do so without suffering  i Esten to the sad stories from both men and women i almost Al ways Bear. Ourse life was great until we got married then it went to hell by does this happen i m eager to Bear your views.  letters letters say give aids victims compassion one thai his Many answers pm sure. Hip it to my  in we pm Tut Ann Landers xxx Box 1 i Fiz Juanm c0611-osc2 and Tell we. A i Aud not sign your mine Antt tar if Yon Are male or be file jew the and if Rou sex lift has gone downhill since a Home and wiry. Ii Friol the mulls in few Mcka. Dear Ann Landers my parents have been married for 40 years during which my father has been consistently late for everything. I in talking about Church weddings funerals parties just name it my older Brothers Tell me it was not unusual for them 10 wait for an hour before dad picked hem up from swim practice. I cannot count the number of times we have sat in the car waiting far him. He can be All ready to go and then suddenly remember that he has to make a a Fiona cat or look for a map Tor directions. When he used to Call from work and say hold supper for me. I m leaving right away we knew it would be at least an hour so we would sit right Down and cat mom believes it is a subconscious technique for con trolling people. Whatever it is she would like him to Stop it. Any comments or suggestions will be Welcome. Your answer will be posted on mom s refrigerator door Kansa City car Llcy 1 Bdl eve your Mother is right but whatever his reason Don t expect any Radical changes Fler 40 years. My advice to people who Pat  at the mercy of Turtle is this chances of changing a Slowpoke Are very Small so change yourself. Stop fussing fuming and yes aug. Abo Stop wowing yourself to be victimized. Always work out an Alternan e Phil let him know Liat if he int ready within a reasonable period of time Ynell go without him. Then do it no matter Bow expensive or inconvenient. Dear Ann Landers is this the me generation i ask you a person is Given a free room at a Lodge for 14 nights and does t leave the housekeeper a dime. The guest was an official at a horse show in a new England resort town. She drove a 1988 Saab which suggests that she might have a few Bucks. The housekeeper tended her room daily and gave Excel Lent service and there was never a complaint. In Case the ignoramus does t know any better the customary gratuity is $ i per room per night. Tell pm Annie. Tired dear tired. Cleaning up alter people is not exactly a Day. Al the Beth. Hotel and Ion maids deserve at least is a no gel per mom Vidu would t expect Bellman to Cany your bags for nothing. Why be less considerate of the maid who has a Mocadl Nierob the writer of the letter who expressed no sympathy for aids victims nearly missed receiving any com men from me. By t often feel As angry As he obviously feel about the aids tragedy. Many things in our society arouse my anger child abuse crime All kinds of injustices. Life in t fair and evil abound Ini the world. Yes i admit to feeling far More compassion for the innocent victims of aids the Haemophiliacs and the babies for instance than i do for homosexuals an drug addicts. I guess this is because i m one of the writer s so called average people. I have been married for 16 years and have Bee faithful my loved ones Are average too. I be never lost a family member or Friend to aids. I feel part of the reason for ibis writer s Cattou approach to this problem ii because he lumps the aids carriers into a  to hear him Tell it you would think that this Herd roams the world with the single purpose of spreading their disease. These people Are individuals and some of the could probably teach some of us average people i great Deal about suffering pain compassion and love. Hilary g. Donovan Athens Greece whether we should extend our sympathy to those suffering from aids often entails arguments that Are factually incorrect logically inconsistent and morally outrageous. For example a recent letter Reader Crit ical of sympathy Over aids demonstrates a need to approach this subject with Complete facts sound logic and moral duty. One typical argument posits thai aids victims do not deserve sympathy because they arc homosexuals and in Drue users. However aids victims in Africa Are primarily heterosexuals. Can it be possible that we can be selective in our sympathy offering compassion for some and no others / what kind of moral system is that a second argument is that americans have been wrongly Ted to believe that aids threatens main Stream americans. In is precisely this Cavalier attitude that puts them at risk and which prompted the sur Geon general of the United states to Issue such warn Ings. Aids is no More a Gay Issue than sickle cell anaemia ii a Black Issue Tay Sachs disease a jewish Issue or polio a White  aids is a health Issue affect inf Many americans and non americans and should be shown the urgency and compassion Given to other epidemics. A third argument is that throwing Money at aids is a waste because a cure is unlikely and treatments Uncertain. However the same statement could be made about cancer diabetes is muscular dystrophy and other diseases. Surely we cannot in Good conscience Stop any research in Alt of these medical Boondog-gles.".--.-.  fourth and most appalling argument is that the spread of aids will help population control by sup Posedly eliminating these  Adolph hit Ter once envisioned a world ruled by a master race in which the sick and weak were left to die and those who did not possess the criteria of a Model citizen were lulled an in the name of Lebei Traum. If we can t show compassion for victims of aids which group would be next Jerry s kids Michael ,, West Germany letter prompts opposite responses in reference to the letter Call her family member not dependent How can any right thinking person take seriously the writer s Contention thai she is inde pendent and should be taken on and of her own Merit and station when she does not have sufficient Cour age of her convictions to use her very own name to close her very own tirade about her very own objections to her very own situation Harry Cakert Frankfurt Wist Germany i too. Hale the word dependent and All Lylial it implies. Adult family members Are far less dependent on the military than our sponsors and other military members. For some of us the Independence has been by Choice through careers thai allow us to live our lives and build education and earner choices that surpass those of our military spouses. For other family members the Independence has been a gradual and difficult lesson to learn. These lessons in Independence Are taught Many times while the sponsor is absent toy on Alert Etc the places Many of us learn Independence is in the remembering Kennedy we still remember John f. Kennedy and our feeling is the same like it happened yesterday and not 25 years ago. The members of special forces will never forget. He was one of the Best presidents we Ever had. If we would have the Money we would have carved his face on my. Rushmore alone. This is Only a very Humble thought to remember such a great Man. Vaclav Havel bad Tolz West Germany local markets or the commissary at the Auto repair shop and in the Hospital military or civilian with a sick child. These lessons make women out of girls and should earn them respect and a title dint reflects that respect. Most family members Are not deserving of such a demeaning title As  the desired change is in the title and in Altitude and should begin Wilh commanders and supervisors who not Only use the title family member bul teach by example thai our Independence often Means separate careers not just a Job of equal importance to our military spouse s career. This will often mean shared parenting responsibility and inability to Volunteer Lime to Many Squadron functions due to a time schedule As demanding As the military s own. I will be the first to agree that military members should be treated first in military clinics and Hospi tals. Afler All they Are dependent on the military for such care while civilians can choose their doctors fat the civilian world As  Only request is that military members of All ranks sex Ana marital status keep in mind that the woman they dismiss As an insignificant dependent wife is far less dependent on the military for her Well being than the military member. 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