European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - December 22, 1988, Darmstadt, Hesse Columns one More thing to worry about by Dave Barry Knight Ridder newspapers today i would like in share with you my personal technique for dealing with inc greenhouse effect. The greenhouse c feel is of course the most recen alarming Wod wide trend discovered by i Hose Busy beavers i he scientists. They have found thai the Earth is slowly being turned Inlo a vast greenhouse so by the year 2010 unless something is clone the enl ire human race will to crushed beneath a humongous Tomato. Or something atone those lines. I must confess thai i Haven i been following the greenhouse effect All that closely. This is the essence of my personal technique for dealing Wilh it whenever i m Reading the newspaper and i come to the words greenhouse effect i continue Reading bul 15 Inch my eyes up real Light so the words become meaningless blur. I originally developed this technique far watching suspense movies where the characters wander around inside a House with menacing background music and nothing happens and nothing happens and nothing happens ind nothing my god it plucked her head off Uke a Crape i m not saying that the greenhouse effect is not important. I m just i Don t have room for it in my brain because of All of the other dangers i am trying to be concerned about such is drugs and aids in l pollution and cholesterol and nuclear proliferation and this new Barbecue Grill we got. Our old Barbecue Grill rusted out. It was your Basic Model the kind where you put your charcoal in you lit it you noticed about an hour later that the charcoal had gone out and you ordered a pizza to gave us years of Good service. Our new Grili was purchased by my wife Beth who would be a natural in the Field of military procurement because she is extremely fond of gadgetry As demonstrated by the following two facts which i am not making up to she owns six hair dryers Hinl we know of. 2. She recently bought in electric Calendar. The Box says it s programmable to the year 204s," which is How Long i bet it remains in the Box. So Beth did not of course buy just any Barbecue will she bought a Weber genesis ii . Gas Model featuring knobs switches Auto ignite a fold Down Side Lable flavor bars a Side Burner an electric Rolis Sefie and much More. It s about the size of an Isuzu pickup Only heavier. Ii squats out on the Patio the lord of ill it surveys. For several weeks 1 was afraid logo near inc thirty. Finally i said to myself hey it s just an appliance so i got out the owner s manual which is 2b pages Long. Here s what in says. Caution five times danger six times warning 3b times these Are True statistics. So we Are talking about a local of 45 scary things to remember just about a Barb Ecim Grill and frankly i do not fee up to in. The Only warning i even started to read was on Page 3, which begins i swear with the words warning a spider and insect Alert this is followed by the shiite men your genesis Gas Barbecue As Well As any outdoor Gas appliance in a target for spiders and needless to say i stopped Reading right there because the very thought of insects Inge tingly appliances for what Thoft makes me want to have a drink. Which a course i realize is bad for me. Recently i was at a party and after dinner this was just before the surgeon general announced that food will kill you we All sat around not smoking and not drinking and 1 got Thi crazy idea an idea harking Back to the wild hallucinogenic Carefree 60s, when As far As we were concerned the whole Point of having a body was to come up with comical new ways to abuse h. Hey i said anybody Wanna do some caffeine cd Coffee Well of course nobody did. Not even me really. I knew we All had to drive safely Home floss our Leech Lake our Anil heart attack aspirin put our hands Over our ears and watch he evening news. Presents from sex wife cause Christmas friction by miss manners United feature Syndicate dear miss manners for Christmas my husband s sex wife gives him pyjamas or other personal apparel. She Colso selects inc gifts i hot their teen age children give my husband i am at a loss about How to respond to these gifts when they arc opened in front of me i find it impossible to say How kind of her to think of you and any remark i make sounds sarcastic even if that was not my intention. Gentle Reader the rials of Over Friendly. Former spouses May be great but they Are Beller than the . Miss manners must remind you. While the gift Exchange May be a bit much in is preferable to such Christmas hostilities As Are often. Observed Between divorced people. You can la a your husband pro Valley and affectionately you know the Only Lasle Christine and i have in common is in men would you mind if i exchanged those pyjamas for you a dear miss manners this will be our son s Fresl Christmas we arc bits Sej with generous and Well intentioned relatives some of whom arc enamoured of guns.,.,.-. These same relatives Are oblivious of Many things including our Strung opposition to War toys. We have always been polite and have reserved judgment on our nephews simulated warfare the Only indication of our feelings being our request thai such games not be played in our Home. A. White Bur year-old daughter has never been the recipient of any new or discarded War toys we suspect our son will be. How would you advise us to handle such a gift it seems crass to make a announcement before the holidays and we do not want a scene at the Public Exchange of gifts. Ii is loathsome to accept such a gift and then discard it quietly teaching our children hypocrisy. Gentle Reader hypocrisy is exactly what children heed to know at an Early age. What if a relative gives your son a Parent approved he happens to hate would you not teach him to accept it graciously and then discard in quietly however this All seems a bit premature. Even the most Bellicose relatives Are unlikely to slip a gun Inlo a Cradle so you should have plenty of Neutral time that is not so close to the holidays when they might already have bought something to mention. Casually your ban again toy weaponry. dear miss manners my aunt who enjoys entertaining hosts very Nice six hour dinner parties for the dozen or More of us who gather at the holidays. On More than a few occasions her daughter s sex husband has been included in these affairs apparently quite comfortably. I have recently remarried and my aunt has been inviting me my Wile my sex wife and our two College student children one of whom lives with my sex wife to her parties. Both my wife and i find in unpleasant being with my sex wife although everyone else seems comfortable. I have dropped some veiled hints but they have not been picked up. These parties which used to be so much fun arc the Only Opportunity i have to see some of the relatives. What should i do arc my wife and i being unreasonable should i bluntly state my Case to my aunt or shudder to my cd a Riff y one complication is Hal my sex wife has no relatives of her own nearby. If she is excluded from these parties she might spend the holidays alone. Gentle ,.miss manners feels thai the Strain on most divorced people to be polite to each other and subsequent partners is such thai in should Only be tested at a rust family events requiring everyone s attendance such is the graduation or cd Dingo a child. But she examined and weighed your particular situation and is going to Surprise you unpleasantly by coming but against you. The alternative to including your former wife on these occasions is facing your children with the Choice of leaving her alone at Christmas or pulling out from the. Family party. Making such a Choice is. Miss manner feels harsher than enduring the discomfort you Anil your wife have in meeting your former wife in a crowd Large enough not to Force you to have to do More than observe the formalities. ".-. Dear miss manners when i was hired i was informed that during the Christmas season if my employer was pleased with me i d receive a Christmas Bonus. The amount of the Bonus would vary and most employees would receive one when he handed me an envelope and said merry Christmas i thanked him and told him thai was very generous of him. I received slightly More than week s pay As a Bonus and a very Nice note staling his appreciation of Rny work. Afterwards i wanted to thank him in a personal note or in a Christmas card to him and his family. When 1 asked a Friend whose advice 1 value i was told that i should not Send a thank you because i earned inc Bonus and was entitled to it. Is in wrong to show appreciation in writing Lor a guilt me did t have to give me a Bonus the Way i look at Reader by your Friend s reckoning he should t have and he certainly should t have written you an appreciative letter. After All he pays you. Miss manners does not care for this Way of thinking. She hardly Ever cares for any thug by Iba. Includes the word entitled anymore no it ii never wrong to show appreciation for a present or for that matter for the experience of working for a thoughtful and generous employer. Div Rubet 22, 19bb sir Pel Mig line
