European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - March 30, 1989, Darmstadt, Hesse Columns one of Lif e s great Joys owning an obedient dog by Dave Barry Knight rid Dir someone Iski a me this question the other Day Dave Are he two words that sum up Eyer Lhing that you truly believe in other than thai Beer should always be served in a chilled a Leisi Don obedience i replied. I own no dog and both have been trained to respond immediately to Triy voice. For example when we re Oul Ide nil i have to do is Issue the following Standard dog command Here Ernest Hifp Zippy c Mon Here doggies Hufe come Here you dogs come Here right now Are you dogs listening la me hey1 instantly both dogs in unison Lite ,1 precision Drill team will continue rotting in random directions sniffing the ground. Of Furuse you cannot achieve this level of obedience overnight. You have to take the Lime of understand dogs As a species to realize they , Biol been peaceful r animals who fulfil their nutritional requirement by Iid Ninfi up to the Coffee table when you re nol looking and sharking lab chips directly out of the bowl. Millions of years ago dogs were fierce predators who in hungry packs if some unfortunate primitive Man got caught out in the open the dogs would surround him Knock him to the. Ground and. With dripping from their Wolf like jaw lick him la within an Inch of his life. Leech he would then yell to primitive woman. We got to gel these dogs some obedience training this is still basically the situation today. We had our larger dog Ernest professionally trained by a very knowledgeable woman who came to our House and spent several hours teaching Ernest to respond to the command to Heel. ,. Would t in be something if it turned out that animals actually have High is and understand English perfectly and the Only reason they act slip old is Ibal we re always giving nem unintelligible commands like maybe at nigh in the stable the horses stand around asking each other what the Heck does old Dap Means. Bui the Trainer had no trouble getting Ernest to comprehend her technique was 1o give commands in a gentle but firm voice to consistently Praise Ernest for obeying properly and every now Arr then As a reminder to Send 75,000 Volti of electricity Down the Leash. At least that s How i assume she did it because in no time she had Ernest heeling like vice president Dan Quayle. But when i take Ernest for a walk 1 am frequently. Yanked horizontal by Long lunges of Semi nuclear Force Ernest could Tow a Bulldozer across Nebraska so that my body clinging Desperak Clyo the Leash winds up bouncing gaily Down the Street behind Ernest at close to the Federal Speed limit like a tin can tied to a newlywed couple s car. But Heel is not the. Only obedience skill our dogs have acquired they also know ". Answer the door when a person real or imagined comes to our House both dogs charge violently in the front Dreir Barking loudly enough to Shalter Glass because they know through instinct thai there is a bail Guy out there arid they must protect the House. So when we upon ifs door nil matter who is standing there a neighbor Al delivery Prarson Charles Mamon holding a four foot the dogs Barse right past him and race outside looking for the bad Guy who for some reason is never Here. Thai mystery always causes the dry str come to skidding four legged Stop and Ink around with. Expressions of extreme puzzlement toiled again he s ii Clever one that bad Guyl go to school the highlight the absolute Pinnacle of our dogs entire existence is Riding in he car when we drive our son to school an activity gives them the Opportunity to provide vital services. Such As Barking at policemen Narf smearing dog slobber All Over the rear window. So every morning they Monitor us carefully and the instant we a something thai indicates to them that our departure is imminent such As we Wake up icy sprint to Hie garage door and bark Al in in Case we be forgotten where it is then they sprint Back to us and bark slim More to let us know they re ready logo and then hey spurn Back to he garage door Ihen Bank to u ,. And so of faster and faster until they become barely visible blurs of negative la canine activity rocketing wildly through the House. ,. You can just imagine How difficult it can be for us to make hem understand the concept of saturday. One non school morning my wife fell so sorry for them thai she went out in her Bathrobe and drove " hem around the neighbourhood for a while Loo Kinji Farthing they could bark at. So Don t try to Lell my dug training in t Worth in out i can t hear you any Way,.because there s a bad Guy at the door. Artist need t eschew Fine clothes Fine manners by miss manners United feature Syndicate dear miss manners i am a Young artist. To fill in the gaps i work As a fashion Model and i be come to enjoy wearing Beautiful clothes. I was raised in a family that believes hat gracious manner Are meant to Pul everyone at Case. Bui when t get dressed up 1 wonder if anyone will take me seriously As an Arlisle. All the Young artists 1 know show up at formal affairs wearing urn jeans the badge of a real artist. Of course he idea is to be a revolutionary and artists have been doing it or a Long Lime. Do you think it is too shocking of me to dress in Beautiful fashionable clothes and use the manners i be been Laughl this May sound like a funny question but i re quite.serious.1. Gentle header what miss manners finds shocking is inc rigid conventionality of the revolutionaries. Why they y wish Are the first to attack those of u4 who feel dressing conventionally she it jul cd therefore encourage you to seize your Freedom by embracing propriety let us not hear any More nonsense Aboul artists Only being real when they have the superficial proof of wearing studio work clothes. She reminds you that the great painters of history were Only too delighted to apply their visual seme to Stltt in own persons. As far your mariners of course you should use them if rudeness were an indication of artistry this would lie the Renaissance. Dear miss manners after Many years the manufacturer of my camera is about to make refunds to several million owners. Mine was
