European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - May 08, 1989, Darmstadt, Hesse Page 10 the stars and stripes Ihunt a a am my am single Parent Soldier gets a lot of advice. a. 11,5._w in Mil. In. What makes me Anery is the Way she generalizes is in response to the 23-year-old female sol Dick s response to the article titled the Heartbreak of military the military people in general not Only males arc responsible for their actions both on and of duty. This includes managing their personal relation ships. The military can be very trying to Young single soldiers and airmen and it is very tempting to give in to superficial feelings after being lonely for a while. Some relationships which seem promising at the begin Ning end up on the rocks because the initial loneliness has worn off. One Day they realize their dream mates Are not what they were All made out to be. 1 guess the key to the whole Puzzle is to Slop and think about it. I mean really think. Consider the consequences and really evaluate the person you re inter ested in. If they re really Worth it and their feelings Are sincere this will not be an inconvenience to either of you. However if it s just loneliness pulling you to wards one another you could save yourselves some serious heartache. Let s face it most men Don t intentionally shatter Young women s lives. Those who do can usually be spotted a mile away. But men just like women arc human beings and humans can make mistakes in judgment. When you enter into an intimate relationship involving sex both partners must be prepared to face certain realities such As pregnancy venereal disease or even aids. Additionally both partners must equally shoulder the responsibilities of that relationship regardless of the outcome. Granted you must Bear the child and therefore can not deny your maternity. Just As importantly the Man involved should face his responsibility to his child. But. The real responsibility begins Long before the child is Ever conceived. True relationships demand time understanding and sacrifice by both parties involved staff sgt Plano d. Mcfarland Sembach a West Germany. We All face the fact that one of the things we desire the most True love docs not come with any guarantee. So if i Ever met you i m looking at you As a possible wife or a Mother for my Little girl and i m certainly not being Picky or snobbish or playing games. I m just trying to protect myself from All i pc Ever found and known life to be. Name and location withheld i m a 36-year-old male Soldier stationed in Fulda West Germany and have been Here three years. There Are not very Many female soldiers Here in Fulda so i Don t Sec any of the big brass harassment that leads a Young female Soldier from Heidelberg to become so bitter towards the male Soldier or males in general. It is very unfortunate this Soldier now has to support a child by herself. This can be very hard in the Mili tary wha Angr about male soldiers and cries about protecting her self from what she perceives or has known men to she had really wanted to protect herself there arc Many ways to not get pregnant and they should have used one. What i can t understand is if she wants compan Tia docs inc mayor mean i i Xvi ,.".courisnip usually meant waiting until after the wedding. There arc men out there who will wait. People still do this you know at least until they arc engaged. I know she docs not believe in casual sex. But a one night stand is about As casual As they gel or. 1st class Michael Kinnison Fulda West Germany i would like to say that the single Parent Soldier is More responsible and a Bill or Soldier than 90 percent of the soldiers. The military is difficult enough fora single Soldier and i have seen families Wuh both parents in the military who could t handle it. In my opinion the single Soldier Parent is a special Type of Soldier who deserves everyone s respect. Name withheld a Kiblingen West Germany i too am single and living in Germany. I am a 35-year-old army officer with two teen age children. Their Mother did l want to move to Germany an they have not seen her since we moved Here pc Van though i m a Man i share quite a few of is. Heidel Berg s problems. When i married my wife. I expected it to last for Ever. When we split. 1 got the children. Like is. Heidelberg. I do not care for cruising the local bars and am not really interested in a one night or. I do not want to take chances with my children s future. I m not going to jump into the first relation ship that comes along but i would like the Opportunity to meet someone. There does not seem to be too Many single Ameri can women Here in Europe. Being an officer really limits the opportunities. The woman officers i pc met seem to be More interested in their careers. The enlisted arc off limits because the archaic social rules we in the army have turned into Law. There arc a Lew civilian employees but they seem to stick to Small circles. Those who arc available have strange ideas about what is acceptable. You d be surprised at How Many walk away and never talk to me again when they find out about my children. I Don t think it s the Standard i m trying to apply. I m smart enough to know that looks arc l everything. I m not Adverse to someone with children of her own. After All. I d be expecting her to accept mine. Like is. Heidelberg. I do not want to go Ilell. At first. I guess that i let being single in the overwhelmingly married american Community in Europe bother me. I m getting used to the idea now. I decided that those who Don t want me around now because my other half is gone Aren t really friends. New friends arc Good too because they arc not reminders of other times. I guess that what i want to say is this is. Heidel Berg you arc not alone. Your future is not As bad As you think. Not All of us arc like your some of us Are interested in someone who has seen enough to know what they want and Don t want. Some of us love children and would Welcome another. Just go on with the plans you have set Forth in your letter in spite of it All. 1 believe that there is someone out there for me. It s just a matter of time. Name and location withheld i. Too. Am a single Parent 24 years old. My Daugh Ter is 4.1 receive no child support from the father nor do i want any that gives him rights. I did not want 10 get married and i would not change my life for anything. Prove to yourself that you can be Independent and take care of your family and you la have the self Confidence and self esteem to attract the right Type of Man. What docs being ready really mean it Means being in touch with your inner needs and making sure that they re met. I ask you you who feels there Are no right men out there to forget dating sex the whole thing for a few weeks or even months. It s time for you to Start working on yourself. Realize that you re responsible for what happens in your life. If you re in control of asking for it providing yourself with it and feeling you have the right to accept someone who is both exciting to you and Loving chances arc you will find it. The great thing about feeling you re in control and worthwhile is that it allows you to take More risks in a relationship As it develops. I know How you feel but there is a brighter Side. I left a nowhere relationship and came overseas. Three months after my arrival i met a Nice older be been dating for two years and arc getting mar ried soon. He also is adopting my daughter. You and your daughter come first. If you can handle your life let a Man into it and let him know this will make him realize you Don t need him financially personally or professionally. He will then probably not feel As pressured by your situation. Don t blame the men of the world for your predicament. It lakes two. You can gel child support All you have to do is Lell the army he s on Active duty. Go to jag but if you Don t want this Man to be Able to see your daughter Don l do in because now Hal Man has no rights to her. In Case she wants to know in the future get his social Security number and fun name the army locator s number in Washington and the last duty station you know of and retain in in an i i l. In. In. A inn i Tho f of a Csc hit no the kno i Gnu i am staugl Tirfe Aion Ruck is. La Eidelberg. I m also envelope for her to be Gwen if she Ever asks for to. Pretty cautious because i Don t want to gel burned name and location withheld Reader questions Merit promotion process l. T �.zj. Inn impartial consideration by avoiding practices which external applicants Are based on different 1 would Edc Imon tothe a fastest Wil save alot of Manl ours spent by co reviewing Cess and would not Benefit employees " Al Ihl applications turned in and will avoid a lot of Plo yees. Current to sri impartial consid Eralio y imply or result in reselection or other non men actions. I believe Hal this regulation was violated As pre selection is evident in selecting the person who is already working in that office. What is my Busl recourse to Correct such actions. If i am right if i am wrong i would recommend Hal the policy regulation be manage men believes Hal the person who is work ing in Hal office can do the Job. Why bother announce t Al in Appalon Turne n an for applicants. I for example had to leave my Job for two interviews. Bernard Ilat. Parker Neu Brocke. West German editor s note Carolyn while personnel starting specialist civilian personnel division office of the Deputy chief of staff personnel he usar eur replies the first question is when an announcement to nil a vacancy is open internal external who has preference i assume the writer is talking about who has preference the internal or external candidate the answer is Nei ther. Management can select from either of these two referral sources. Employment preference becomes an Issue As management is considering candidates on a specific referral list. The answer is no to the question if there arc fewer than three in service applicants referred to can co add external applicants to the same list in service and Plo yees current employees a oration having the vacancy would not have an Opportunity to be considered. Management would not have the ability to determine whether or not there arc other nil visuals Avail Able who Are better qualified for the position. Employees who have been performing the duties of a position Intner organization Are not necessarily the Best qualified for the position just because they May have been performing uie duties. Someone coming from the outside May be better. Being selected is not an inherent part of applying for a position vacancy. The system used is that of open Competition. Individuals must first decide whether or not they a Antto be an applicant. Then if referred for consideration whether or not they wish to accept the Opportunity for an interview when interviews Are conducted. The Means for progressing in our system can certainly be frustrating. We Are constantly striving to improve it to make it less confusing and less Complex to the employees and the applicant suggestions such As those made by the w Riter Are a Welcome part of improving the system
