European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - August 21, 1989, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Mothers appear less Likely to change their level of a Section so dramatically. Teen age boys seem to bring about less of a change in their parents affection than do teen age girls fathers can be unsure what is affection with kids and what is morbid  older said. The climate around them is so charged that they lose their  Schowalter added Many lathers find it very difficult to kiss their daughters after they reach puberty. This can Lead to the daughter wondering what s wrong. Am i too ugly did i do something bad she asks  Many parents become concerned if their toddler or preschooler clings to their legs More than other children do or. Quite the opposite pulls away when a Parent tries to be Alec Lonale. Simply forcing a child to loosen the grasp or to sit still Lor some cuddling is Seldom effective some children have what we Call sensitive skin in the same Way thai other children have sensitive palates or Don t like Bright lights said or. Stanley Turecki a child psychiatrist who directs the difficult child program Al Beth Israel Hospital in Manhattan. For thai child a Brief hug is equivalent to a 10 minute cuddle with another child. Parents simply have to change their expectations the problem is quite different for parents of children who demand affection. The Best Way to handle Clingy kids is to give them Back so much cling that they gel lived of it advised older if you pull away they la dive in looking for  preschoolers who behave this Way will often keep looking to their parents Lor tacit permission to play with other children who Are in the area. They need to feel that you will not abandon them if they leave you for a Brief Lime and Ollen respond to encouragement that lets them know thai you expect them to join the other children. If you Lind yourself pulling Back from touching your children because you no longer feel comfortable talk with them about How they feel about it. The main guideline Lor determining How much and when to touch children psychologists say is to listen to them. Children have the right to Sel the limits on their own  older said. Tvs should be used when discussing scary movies is Hildren she said. T Json s research is also delving into a technique bribed As desensitization. / gradually expose children to snakes in a non Obi tuning environment. Buy a Book about the  Hulk and gradually work through  / sled Wilson. In cautioned teachers and parents not to use this Nique to make strangers or poisonous snakes less -/--i"5 of want your child to have a healthy fear of i Gers. But goblins in the movies Are Ripe Lor a Onsi ligation said Wilson. I e Best solution is Lor parents to watch television their children and teach them How to react to the parts without running under the bed or needing v l. Get on All night in the bedroom afterwards she said. A i Ovies with Large gory creatures who growl will be i you Nave the Lime when " becomes strange or Dylife switch the station said Wilson. The drama of bedtime by Marianne and Stephen w. Garber and Robyn Freedman Spizman Cox new service Reader s letter since the time change in april we have had a terrible time getting our 5-year-old to All asleep. It s up and Down up and Down so that she does t go to sleep until 11 o clock. The Light is a Factor. We can t get her room completely dark so How do i answer her exhausted myself dear exhausted for some parents nighttime brings a dream come True but Lor others sleep remains a figment of their imagination millions of parents share your problem but most of them fight this Battle All year Long. Ii you had bedtime under control previously you can control it again. If it s always been somewhat of a struggle the situation can Olill be changed. Your goal should be to put into effect a new set of procedures that work Well whatever the Lime of year. Make routines work to your advantage. Many parents arc inclined to suspend most of the rules and routines in the summer. It s belter to ease the rules rather than do away with them. Young children thrive on routine. They need to learn How to accept responsibility for cleanliness and sleep habits you Are teaching lifelong skills when you implement a bedtime schedule that includes brushing Leech. Story Lime and a Lew minutes to talk. Put the emphasis on slaying in bed rather than going to sleep while you want your daughter to fall asleep you would probably be Happy if she played in bed. Explicitly Lell your daughter thai she need not go to sleep immediately but she must stay in bed if falling asleep becomes a problem Allor the Rule so her head Musl remain on the Pillow. You la to surprised How quickly she Falls asleep create a "p.m.  gather a Tew items that your daughter would like to play with Al bedtime including her Avorise Ioddy Bear a flashlight a Book cassette player with tapes or anything else thai will maintain her interest safely and quietly. Overcome the pop up syndrome Many children repeatedly pop out of bed after they be been tucked in. To avoid such antics Delme the Rule clearly. You May not gel out of bed of course clarify bathroom contingencies and avoid repeated pleas by anticipating requests Lor water. Motivate your child to stay in Bod with a Kitchen timer. Ii your child is reluctant to stay in bed. Tell her that you will set the timer Lor one minute and return to her room before it rings Reward her with a Back rub for slaying in place gradually lengthen the Limo from one minute to two. Three four Etc., until ultimately she Falls asleep. For cooperating you can Reward her with hugs and Praise a Brief Story or promises of a Laler Carlow the next night. If she Falls asleep before you return she might also earn a visit from the Sandman who leaves Little trinkets or messages under her Pillow that she can Wake up to in the morning o increase motivation with a bedtime Chart a Chart is simply a visual record of behaviour. You May be surprised to see How much Young children love charts. A key Clement to effectively shaping a new behaviour is that your child must feel rewarded for slaying in bed Lor very Short periods of Lime at first gradually increasing the Lime requirements. Set the timer then each Lime you Lind her in bed upon your return place a sticker on a Chart drawn like a Calendar with one Square for each night you could also draw a Chart that looks like a bed. Each time she follows the rules your daughter earns a Point designated by colouring in a portion of the picture such As the Pillow Blanket headboard Etc. The Points can be exchanged the next morning. As her cooperation increases the Exchange rate can change with a new menu of items that Cost More Points suggestions include a special breakfast later bedtime a game with you or an extra television show. Reinforce and Praise your child for cooperating. Your Praise is important and so is your consistency. When bedtime is a matter of fact on your part children Are More Likely to believe it s for real. Some evening Lime alone and pleasant dreams for All of you will be your Reward. The stars and stripes Page 15