European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - February 26, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                The stars and stripes Pago 11 Ann Landers dear readers a while Back i Woun professional married Ullh three Young children described herself As female of he 80s." she said she was Bone weary and fell As if she As sinking in Quicksand. I said i was awestruck at the number of women who work at their jobs and go Home to another full time lob and asked. How do Yon do it to hounds of women dropped their computers brooms and biscuit Batter to Tell me How they do it. Every female who is working at a paid Job and raising a family can learn something from today s column. From  How did i do in i Laid Down the Law. Everyone in the House except the baby is responsible for his or her own territory. I throw in a Little corporate territory Loo the 14-year-old daughter. I Lycar old son and 9 year old daughter Wash dry fold and put away their own clothes. I Iron. Everyone vacuums his or her own room and one corporate room living room dining room playroom. My husband docs the bathroom. I Cook. Kitchen duly is divided among the children. I pay the two older ones $1 an hour to supervise the Bab. Balch. Diaper and feed her. Is my House spotless no. Arc the kids Well trained yes. Are we a Happy family you bet. How s my weight Don t ask but i la do something about that eventually. Houston i gave up a lucrative career and settled for waitress work three evenings a week so i could stay at Home and raise a family. We arc much better off financially because i no longer Wear designer clothes have my hair and nails done downtown cat lunch in fancy restaurants or drive a second car that Means insurance Upkeep parking and Garaging. I adopted a whole new set of values and put aside Pride envy competitive Ness and the need for recognition. I am truly Content being a stay at Home wife and a nurturing Mother. Cai Cary i m a divorced father who has custody of three children under 14. Here s How i do it All the children Are in school so we Don t need outside help. We plan menus on wednesday and do the marketing thursday evenings we buy fruit and vegetables in season and do a lot of Canning Anil fire ing. We Don t spend Money on movies. We rent tapes. The kids get an allowance out of which they must save something every week for College. They Are Fine Stu dents and \ a never had trouble with any of them. The answer i Learned that less is More. Philadelphia i was one of those women who ran herself ragged until i finally Learned How to say no to family friends neighbors organi actions. Committees Etc., Etc. One Day when i Reali de i was on the verge of collapse i asked myself. What would they do if i were dead How would they manage the answer they d ask somebody else. That taught me to say no and reclaim my life f m enjoying the newfound Freedom and my ulcers Are gone. Praise the lord Oakland worrying lakes Energy so i got smart and Cut in out. We strive for neatness and forget about sparkling clean. I discovered that garage sales and Thrift shops have terrific bargains. In the last four years i went from upper Middle class to poor but i am a lot Richer than most people and i m happier too. White Plains. . Our lives became manageable when my husband and i quit smoking quit drinking started to exercise instead of play cards and finally woke up to the fact that the friends we were trying to impress weren t Worth the Effort. Gambling equals abuse of drugs alcohol there is treatment for drug and alcohol abuse for soldiers and their families. Both drugs and alcohol arc addicting. In the past few years a new Type of addiction has developed and there is no help for the soldiers or families to Deal with it. The symptoms arc very similar to that of drugs and alcohol except that gambling Emp ties your pockets and Bank accounts faster and Loans Are easily attainable to feed the habit. It ruins careers families self esteem and much More. Then it s too late it s either get help and Start anew or pay the Price. The army has helped introduce the new addiction to the military society in the form of Slot machines Bingo Etc., in order to support he mar. I have seen people put in Rolls and Rolls of quarters and Nickels in the slots and Little or no return hoping for that big win. I am the wife of Soldier who is addicted to slots. 1 have seen my husband put thousand of dollars in the machines since March i9&9. I tried to let the Chain know of the problems since Early 1989. But of course they Are deaf to the problem or just Don t care or understand How in affects the family. The Only a cup i be gotten or been Able to obtain is through the mail in some literature. But treatment can t be dealt with through the mail there Are no support groups for gamblers or families in the military system in Europe that i could find. Where do we go for help my husband is being treated for mental health and has admitted to the gambling problem. But there s no help in learning to control the habit a person to Call As in a or help for the family so desperately needed. How qualified is mental health to help or is there someone who specializes in gambling addictions i had spoken to someone in mental health on gambling and alcohol usage by my husband but was basically told nothing helpful and pushed away. Name and location withheld editor s note col. William r. Cline chief neuropsychiatry consultant he 7th medical come re plies the writer is Correct. For some people gambling is an addiction very similar to alcoholism or drug abuse. The writer is also Correct that the army provides Slot machines but has no formal programs to treat compulsive gamblers. Even if programs were created in the future or if Slot machines were eventually removed from army facilities it would not happen quickly enough to help her family. In the meantime she should consider ways to use our existing resources with greater effectiveness. If gambling is continuing the writer and a representative of her husband s Chain of command go As High As necessary to get help should Engineer a formal confrontation in which family members Chain of command therapists e.g., from the Hospital and the local and App clergy friends and others possibly club employees who see the abnormal behaviour All meet together with the Gambler to clearly define the problem and identify who will do what to address  Impact and creativity of such a confrontation cannot be underestimated. To get the Ball rolling the writer should share her letter and this answer with her husband s Chain of command and eel advice on this procedure from the Community and App or a Hospital and App clinical  must be a careful evaluation for alcoholism with the gambling. The two conditions together Are the Rule not the exception. If even mild alcoholism is pre sent it must be treated first. One Beer constitutes Alco holism if it leads to maladaptive gambling that would not Start without the one Beer. Furthermore if there is even the least use of alcohol during her husband s Gam bling on her own initiative the writer should explore joining an Alanon group. From the letter it sounds As if the writer s husband is currently in psychotherapy. If that is the Case she should request of her husband that she join him in the therapy for an evaluation of family issues that might interfere with his control of his gambling problem. If he is not in therapy she should determine what mental health resources arc available in the Community and visit one of them herself to find out what kind of help is available to her  there b no Gambler s Anonymous group in the Community the husband should Start one if he is serious about treating his problem. Any local a group would be glad to give advice on starting self help groups. Finally the writer must have the courage to face her own fears of the consequences of demanding change in her husband. Family members of addictive persons often Are paralysed by fear of violence divorce loss of the sponsor s Job or humiliation for themselves As they ask for help. They get their courage from their underlying love for their families and from the knowledge that fail ing to take action has worse consequences than seeking the help that is needed. Reader passes on a bus Driver s prayer please lord watch Over me this Day. Please help me remember to watch All five mirrors two do in windows eight gauges six warning lights six dozen faces three lanes of traffic and to keep a third Eye open for wobbling bicycles and daydreaming pedestrians especially teen agers wearing headsets who Are in an other world. Please lord help me hear All train whistles truck and automobile horns police sirens and the two Way radio. Please lord give me a hand for the gear lever the steering wheel the route Book the radio microphone and the turn signal , lord please Grant me the self control to keep my hands away from Johnny s neck. And one More thing dear lord please Don t let Mary be sick All Over the bus. And finally. Lord please Yalch Over us All so that we can do it again next year. Amen. Taken from the retired educators of Minnesota Ream Gran Gutter sen Frankfurt West Germany pen pals i in 45 years of my hobbies include travelling gardening raiding end languages my Zodiac sign is cancer Itma Rem Kamen Alabart Antonti 2 c 65 02360 Espoo 36 Finland i am 20 year old and enjoy Reading listening to mus and especially in pal writing Lam Vernaye mama integrated College of education West negro College Bacolod cry 6100 Philippines i am married and seeking pen pal Between the Ages of 2b and 35 wow want to  Wei a Long Sonia Lea Rhule Tucker Road Ewarton. . Is Catherine Jamaica. West indies i May taking Long walk  out and coun try music i m in h n and hic meeting new peo ple i am a non smoker. Joan Delaney 226 West Prairie Street Marengo. Lit 60152 Euf Loman edition col Volhl i. Town no. Usan commander editor in  it. Col Suzanne l. 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