European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - March 6, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Envy a barometer of personality by Daniel Goleman new York times a graduate student depressed that his adviser had taken on another student As Well tried to sign up for All the adviser s appointments so there would be no time left for his rival. A scientist who prided himself on being a Prodigy became contemptuous when a close colleague received a Macarthur foundation a a Genius award and said the prize was based on contacts not Merit. An executive developed an obsession about another with less experience who was hired for a similar position at a higher salary comparing herself with the other woman in terms of Job skills family background and attractiveness. The troubling emotions jealousy and its close Cousin envy Are attracting renewed attention from psychologists. A new View emerging from the research sees them As sensitive reflections of the traits people Pride themselves on and feel most vulnerable about. A everyone feels some envy or jealousy but Only in those domains of life that matter the most for your own View of yourself a said or. Peter Salovey a psychologist at Yale University who collected the cases of the envious student scientist and executive As part of his research. Quot you feel envy or jealousy in those areas where you stake your reputation and Pride. Those who believe they have to be the Best in everything can feel it much of the  recent work also goes beyond tracing the causes to seek the most effective Means for people to handle emotions that can otherwise become All consuming. Therapists say the most urgent concern is discovering ways to defuse the rage and fear that can embroil couples when one partner is jealous especially when the jealousy is not justified. Quot up to one in five murders is motivated by jealousy and jealousy is a major problem in a third of couples in marital therapy a said Gregory l. White a psychologist at the Shasta county mental health Center in California and an author with Paul e. Mullen of jealousy theory research and clinical strategies published last october by Guilford press. While experts disagree on precise definitions most see jealousy As the response to someone who threatens or is perceived to threaten a relationship and envy As the feeling arising when someone covets what someone else has. In common parlance the two Are often used interchangeably. Much of the research has confirmed the old observations that there is More self love than love in jealousy and As Freud put it that envy is a a narcissistic wound Quot a threat to self esteem. Typical of the ways scientists Are capturing envy in Laboratory experiments is a study by Salovey with his colleague Judith Rodin. In the Experiment 82 Yale undergraduates were recruited for what they thought was a study of personality and career Choice. After filling out several personality questionnaires and indicating their career choices the students were Given what were said to be their scores on a test of career aptitude. The scores were systematically varied students interested in a medical career for instance received average scores on All the Scales except one for a medical science aptitude a which was either High or Low. The students were then asked to evaluate an autobiographical essay supposedly written by a student they were about to meet. Actually the essays were identical varying Only in whether the author envy most experts say envy is the feeling rising when someone covets what someone else has. 4. X not jealousy the usual definition of jealousy is the response to someone who threatens or is perceived to threaten a relationship. Was interested in a Given Field of study such As Medicine and was doing Well at it. The student Reading the essay was asked to evaluate its writer. As might be expected those who were made to feel insecure about their own skills were most envious of those who had the same interests and did Well. Most telling in Salovey a View was that the students Felt envy Only in those realms where they had aspirations. Future medical students Felt no envy for instance of aspiring actors or lawyers. A if you feel intense envy in a situation it tells you something about yourself a Salovey said a it s a barometer of what matters most to you often things you had t really realized mattered so  one Man in Salovey s study who had valued the Independence he and his wife gave each other in their relationship found himself envying a couple who were extremely intimate and did most things together. A the had a Happy marriage but had no idea until then that he wished they were closer a Salovey said. A the trigger is the things you want the world to see you As Quot he said. A for example if i think i m uniquely gifted As a musician and my wife flirts with a jazz musician it would make me More jealous than if she flirted with another  while the Garden variety of envy of those More wealthy talented or Beautiful perhaps does Little damage in some people it is deeply troubling. A some people Are predisposed to jealousy not just in romantic relationships but at work or school in family life with friends or socially a said Robert Bringle a psychologist at Indiana University at Indianapolis. A they tend to be less satisfied with themselves and their lives More anxious and worried More dogmatic and Given to Black or White thinking More emotional in  partly in response to the pernicious effects of envy researchers have studied the ways people handle it. Salovey for instance has found that certain common responses to feelings of envy and jealousy work far better than others. A one common strategy for handling envy is to discount the importance of what caused the envy to Tell yourself its not so important a said Salovey. A another is to bolster your self esteem by turning to thoughts of other Good qualities that Are still sources of Pride. A third is self Reliance putting your nose to the Grindstone and working harder at improving the Quality you  discounting importance and using self Reliance do work to stave off envy Salovey s research has found. Thinking about other Good qualities does not prevent envy but a if people Are already consumed by envy then bolstering themselves by dwelling on other qualities they Pride themselves on will Buffer against a spiral into depression a Salovey said. His findings will be in a Book he is editing the psychology of jealousy and envy to be published this year by Guilford press. Jealousy that is justified demands that the partner who is causing the jealousy change. But whether or not the jealousy appears justified researchers Are finding general patterns in How the jealous person reacts. A the Way people respond to jealousy can either maintain their self esteem or save their relationship sometimes it does one at the expense of the other a said Jeff Bryson a psychologist at California state University at san Diego. A you can preserve both by say confronting your partner with your feelings and renegotiating the relationship a Bryson added. A but pleading or sexual bribes May preserve the relationship at the Cost of your self esteem. And breaking up though the end of the relationship helps your self esteem by giving you Back some  perhaps not surprisingly the less powerful partner in a relationship is More vulnerable to jealousy. Bringle said a you see More jealousy any time there s an imbalance in the level of interest whether among couples or friends. The one who is More interested More in love More dependent and who has More to lose is More prone to  marital therapists see correcting imbalances in Power As one of the main ways they can help copies torn by jealousy. Just How the jealousy is dealt with depends of course on whether it is appropriate in response to a partners actual affair for instance or not. A with most couple where jealousy is an Issue you treat the relationship not the individuals a said White. A the first step is finding out exactly what happened to trigger the jealousy. In about half the cases you find there was an actual affair though sometimes the jealousy is just about flirting or the partner simply suspects something is going  when one partner is suspicious a couple finds it difficult to discuss the facts on their own. Quot if you re suspicious already you automatically distrust what your spouse tells you Quot said White. A that s the advantage of discussing it with a therapist present a Neutral third party. Of course if the partner having an affair denies it and continues to lie then therapy will not work. I Tell the couple that Early on. I also Tell them How common affairs Are in marriage two thirds of men and half of women at some Point in marriage some surveys  at that Point White said the partner having the affair often admits it or reveals details that had been hidden. White has the partner agree to Stop for three or four months while therapy continues. A once the truth is out then the couple can focus on the factors in the relationship that led to the affair Quot White said. A the jealous partner can let the other hear How much it hurts and they can Start to let each other know what they want and need out of the relationship such As More time  very often White said the underlying problems Are feelings of Inadequacy As a partner or inequality or dependence particularly when the other partner has done Little or nothing to justify the jealousy. Sometimes though the problem is not so much with the relationship As with one of the partners. A a sometimes insecurity Over a string of losses will surface As jealousy a White said. And a some people have personality disorders or a personal history that make them extremely prone to  Page 16 a a a the stars and stripes tuesday March 6,1990