European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - March 8, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse La mists Zippy could teach those Illinois owls a thing or two Knight Ridder newspapers these Are indeed exciting times we live in what with Radical political changes in Eastern Europe the dramatic developments in South Africa and of course the Long overdue Illinois owl vomit study. Tire latter news item was alertly brought to my attention by Reader Paul Baker who sent an article from the Wisconsin state journal. Quot lawmakers choke on owl vomit study Quot the headline read. It seems that some Illinois legislators Are upset Bec Ause the state is funding a $180,000 study wherein researchers go around collecting owl vomit to see what they the owls eat. An owl s diet could have important implications we re told. Quot owls spit up pellets of hair Bone and Teeth. At least once or twice a Day Quot states the article. This is also True of our Small auxiliary dog Zippy. His Hobby is throwing up Lizard parts when we re trying to eat dinner. Hell get that look of total concentration that dogs get when they have a really important task to perform then hell Hunch his body Over and walk around and around in a Circle making a noise that sounds like if you put him outside hell sit patiently by the door until you let him Back inside and then hell resume honking. Quot never throw up your Lizard parts outside Quot apparently is Rule no. 1 of the dog code of ethics. So As you can imagine our dinners have a very appetizing ambience my wife Quot would you like some More Stew Quot me Quot sure i d love. Quot Zippy me Quot on second thought. Quot Zippy my son Quot look a Tail and a leg Quot me Quot i think i la go lie and i la Tell you something else that is not helping my appetite any our refrigerator currently contains a Jug of Pond water infested with Mosquito larvae which Are so unappetizing As to make Semi digested Lizard parts look like Chicken a nuggets. The reason we have Mosquito larvae in our refrigerator As you parents have already deduced is that our son is doing a science fair project that involves seeing what happens to larvae when you put them into various environments such As the refrigerator the Hall closet Etc. Here Are our key findings 1. In the Hall closet environment the larvae turn into mosquitoes and wait in the dark until you open the door and then they hurl their Little bodies pathetically up against the Side of the Jar and with their whiny Little voices go Quot please let me out. Please please please i won t suck your blood i but they Are lying of course. 2. In the refrigerator environment the larvae do nothing and after a while you Don t even notice them leading to the danger that their Jar will become part of the general population of mystery refrigerator items like the leftover takeout chinese food from the Carter administration and then one Day grandpa Bob will come to visit and in the Middle of the night hell get thirsty and tiptoe out to the refrigerator reach in pull out what looks like a Nice refreshing Jug of iced Tea take a swig and Gaza Iaac thud to the floor. And then Zippy will throw up on him. But i will say this Tor our dogs they never shot anybody ibis is More than i can say for the dog in Lyngdal Norway that shot a Man. According to a news article sent in by Many Alert readers the Man was Hunting rabbits and he set his gun Down and his clog Quot accidentally hit the trigger causing the gun to go Oil. Fortunately the Man Sull ered Only minor injuries. Unfortunately the rabbits saw the whole1 thing and have obtained a mail order assault Rifle. A a just kidding of course but i am not kidding about the arson cat. According to an associated press Story also alertly sent in by numerous readers investigators concluded that a House fire in Lima n.y., was caused by Quot a c at playing with matches a prompting us to once again ask ourselves As concerned citizens when the government is going to come to its senses and order the mandatory sterilization of All cat owners. On a brighter note the new zealand Herald. Reports that a woman in Adelaide Australia received a hefty out of court settlement Quot after she was hit in the Back by an eight kilogram Frozen tuna during the world tuna tossing the Story adds that the it organizers of this annual event "arc1 now trying to make the sport safer for spectators by developing a rubber so there is Hope Tor tomorrow. In fact things Are looking better already Alert Reader Perry Bradshaw sent me a news item stating that the1 governor of Minnesota Quot the cold state Quot whose name i am not making this up is Rudy Perpich has dec Lared 1990 to be Quot the year of the i would t be1 surprised it this event Drew music enthusiasts from As tar away As Illinois Quot the owl vomit state1&Quot. I d be there myself but i have1 to taunt the1 Hall closet mosquitoes. 5 years after a disaster a Bride wants new wedding c1-% a r i i. _ i 11. ,. By miss manners United feature Syndicate dear miss manners a my wedding Day was a disaster the feeling of disappointment May oven Tua a fade but for now i am haunted by the Day Phr fsr mufi1 wanted to be perfect. Attending the Ings of friends and relatives is a constant reminder though i am Happy for them. 1,1 of weddin8-Day tragedy has struck others but Rester no sign 3ny a format in on the etiquette of of i in he be a Ter on a a few years because Simuni m8�?~Day disaster or because the couple wants to recapture the moment. Of marry c0upej res ate their vows after Many years ceremonv8vnlv read that in this Case the original n a. Not be a re enactment of the to a Celt to a t0ta, outside tradition Quot re enact Rcd Hrin i Quot one s wedd�?~n8/ in Hopes of p 1 "8 bad memories with better ones outside to Dot s ?per Way to do this if it is would hot y 15 this the Case and what what do Quot it in Cive w3y t0 make it acceptable 0 you think would be the disadvantages a to fir Swei ,�n8 Anotn a wedding ceremony for wll cd will be our fifth Ann Ersary fas in 3 saturday us our titty anniversary. you have no1 told miss ii0�?z.s a your we dding was a disaster and Shes a a a a is Len m erred by a genuine tragedy a Quot a 1 illness of an Accident for example. Short of that the most common cause of wedding flops is an idea that you still Harbor that you can take a complicated Day with an emotional ceremony followed by a party attended by a wide variety of people and mandate that it be so much a the weather the guests behaviour even your own emotional state a is out of your control that such a goal Only adds tension to the situation. The idea is unfortunately implicit in your Hope of repeating the event until you get it Quot right Quot whatever that is. A wedding is a civic and usually religious event which is unique not a show that can run As Long As you can find an audience for it. And that brings miss manners to your chief practical problem and the reason that it is unwise to restate a wedding it is going to annoy most people you invite. In a time when most people Are crabby enough to assume that even a once in a lifetime wedding is a bid to show Oft and collect presents and lots of people Are sorely put upon to attend multiple weddings for the same individual As a result of divorce you Are not going to encounter much enthusiasm. Having said All that miss manners who is a soft touch will now try to help you. Here Are two possibilities 1. Hold a private ceremony inviting close relatives and friends after sounding them out about your feelings and finding that they sympathize. 2. Hold a gala fifth anniversary party for yourselves and alter having put your guests into a Jovial mood through your hospitality Lightheart edly announce that you would like them to witness a renewal of your wedding vows. As such an event does not pretend to be a solemn one and As they will not have been warned in Advance and thus will have skipped the problem of whether you expect them to repeat their full roles As wedding guest they will be More Likely to be charmed by it. Dear miss manners a As the Mother of a Beautiful 9-month-old girl that i helped make a family with i Don t really know if it is Cool to Send cards to the new family. We had a Semi open adoption. I know How everyone is. But they have stopped writing to me. I understand that they want to be left alone so they can build and Bond with their new child. But i love that child and miss them with All my heart. I have sent cards on holidays but have not gotten any response. The final court hearing was three months ago and their lawyer says i should stay out of their lives. I do not know the Law and have no idea if i can get in trouble by writing them or sending cards and gifts. I do not want to lose Contact with them. I love them All. But if it in t the right thing to do i la Stop. Gentle Reader the situation is a heartrending one and miss manners feels for you. But she trusts that in spite of your emotional hardships you will continue to recognize that the Paramount question Here is what is Best for the child. As Dit tic ult As that is to Lathom you have already reached an answer by turning tier Over to a family of Trust. I hey Are the parents now and therefore it is their judgment about what is Best Lor the i Hild that should now prevail. Through their lawyer and their silence they have let you know they believe she would be bettor olt Quot building and bonding Quot without being confused by your presence1, As you arc1 Grac ious enough to understand. While1 respecting that you can also let them know that you Are available should they feel that the situation has changed. Miss manners believes you should Send your cards or letters through the lawyer asking that he give them to the parents to pass on to the child or not As they see fit. I hat Way they can merely ask him to hold such correspondence e if it bothers them but your whereabouts and Good wishes will be available Lor use1 if wanted. March 8, 1990 stripes Magazine 3
