European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - March 27, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                The mating men face shortage of spouses by Keith Bradsher new York times social myth there Are not enough Young men for All the Young women looking for boyfriends or husbands in the United Stales. Social reality single american men in their 20s outnumber single women of the same age by a ratio of More than 6-to-5, for an entire generation born after the baby Boom s Peak in 1957, it is the men not the women who face a shortage of spouses. From Greenwich Village nightclubs to Malibu beaches women in their Early and mid-20s repeat a common refrain too few men and Loo Many rivals for their affections. But on softball Fields and in bars from new York to California Young men sound a different tune not enough women and too much Competition from older More affluent men. The numbers say the Young men May have a Point the . Census Bureau estimates there Are about 2.3 million More unmarried men in their 20s than women the same age in the United states. Altogether there Are about 19.9 million men and 20.4 million women although some sociologists believe that the census Bureau misses Many single Young men because they move frequently. The end of the baby Boom has shifted the Odds even further in favor of Young women because bridegrooms Are typically older than their brides. Since the number of births in the United states fell by an average of 1.7 percent a year from 1957 to 1975 a from 4.3 million to 3.1 million a the men born in any Given year outnumber women born in most of the following years so that younger women Are in even Shorter Supply. The result is frustration for Many Young men Quot sometimes i m lonely Quot said a 27-year-old associate at a major new York Law firm who has been searching for a Girlfriend for the last 2vz years and who like other Young men interviewed asked not to be identified. A Quot we Are competing against these 30 and 40-year-Olds,&Quot complained a 25-year-old Washington lawyer adding that a 31-year-old Man had recently taken an unwanted interest in his Girlfriend. Some Young women Are unconvinced by such hard Luck stories. Quot it depends on what you re looking for but i think there s a shortage of men Quot Sai u3 a tsp Elk a 24-year-old graphics designer m Manhattan who nonetheless has a Boyfriend. The Strong tendency toward relationships Between an older Man and a younger woman presents Young single men and older single women with a common problem. Demographers have written volumes on the shortage of boyfriends and husbands for single women older than 30. The less studied Mirror image of this problem is the plight of the Man in his Early or mid-20s. Although instances of american men who marry older women have increased a Survey in 1985 by the National Center for health statistics Page 14 a a a the stars and stripes a w. Dec e3kt it Hal he it a a a a a mate h hey go outside file found the bridegroom was older in two thirds of All marriages. The average age difference was 5 3 years. Quot men in their 20s simply May not have Many women available who Are younger Quot said William Beer the Deputy chairman of the sociology department at Brooklyn College. Quot older men Are  a 1988 Survey by the census Bureau estimated that among americans 20 to 29 years old there were 122 single men for every 100 single women. The ratio reflects both a trend among men to postpone marriage until their Early 30s and the Many women in their 20s who marry men Over the age of 29. Among men and women in their 20s who have never married the ratio increases to 130 to 100, because More Young women than men Are divorced or widowed. Up to Date information on the ratios in specific cities will not be available until after the 1990 census. Graduating College seniors go from being the oldest readily available men for most College women to being the youngest and usually least affluent members of the working world. A it s definitely something i think about Quot said Andrew a Coburn a senior at macalester College in St. Paul Minn. Quot it s really a scary  on the other hand some women Are weary of dating men their own age by the time they leave College. Quot the older men whom i be met have done so much after College have done so much that i Haven t done Quot said Martha Catherine Dagenhart a senior at the University of North Carolina at a Chapel Hill who expressed an interest in meeting a sophisticated 26 or 27-year-old after graduation. Bonnie l. Zweiback a 23-year-old marketing assistant at a software development company in Roslyn n.y., has been dating a 30-year-old Man for a year and said she prefers older men Quot i just think they seem a Little More mature and they seem to know More about where they Are going. Most of the Guys my own age i be dated done to have a clue Quot some women in their 20s May Date and marry much older men because they cannot find suitable men their age said Mark r. Rank a sociologist at Washington University in St Louis under the Quot social Exchange Quot theory now popular among some psychologists and sociologists he said relationships tend to form Between men and women of roughly equal Overall combinations of Beauty Charisma influence intelligence wealth and other resources. A someone who is extremely attractive in their 20s May be exchanging those Good looks with someone in their 40s who has Power Money Quot rank said. A some Young men Are too Picky to find a companion or wife even if the ratio of the sexes were More favourable said or. Samuel Pauker a clinical instructor in psychiatry at new York Hospital Corneli medical Center who counsels Young men and women. I m not willing to Settle right now Quot for the wrong woman said the 27-year-old new York lawyer who has been looking for a Girlfriend for 2vz years. I think it s important not to lower your  eligible bachelors number of unmarried men per 100 unmarried women in 1988 50 a k v Swaw. N cd co a to Cut not do it it v. To o look 1 30-34 i 35-39 o p co 1 in a it is cos amps Sharon Killday Val a bed Sayi Donald and Ivana Trump have put prenuptial agreements in the news. Reitfeldt Post weren t married. In some cases they fun i even planning to get hitched soon. At i51i Job re it nth pal i Evtif i fun w a a of t one had just been divorced a month if yet they were All thinking about what lid happen if and when their next led. A lie went to a Community Center in Vienna of hear a local attorney explain the a the prenuptial agreement. At $10 a person i lecture it was a Good Deal a prenuptial Cost perhaps 150 times that. Seem to dissuade anyone much. In fact i the crowd at the women s Center of Ionia event did t seem enthusiastic about lies to a reporter. Quot i just want to remain said one 26-year-old Northern Virginia a titular reason Quot no Quot said a 35-year-old a Herndon a a a it a that old stigma a if Llodo this you think it s already  i contract or not nearly half of All 3 doomed statistically speaking. That time other trends a More people marrying me in their 30s, when they be already 1 some assets or marrying for the second cos or 70s, when they be got an Eye on j is giving increased prominence to the or element. He Rich for generations the prenuptial Las been leaking Down into the upper land even a notch lower. Washington lawyer Marna Tucker says she sees an increasing number of women professionals a lawyers doctors Media people a who have built practices tied to a local Industry or local clientele. Quot they re marrying someone who wants to take them to a new location a a move that May dislocate their careers Quot explains Tucker. Quot for example a lawyer marries some Guy in the foreign service and he says we have to go for two years to Bangladesh Quot she says a Fine but lets build in some  if they get divorced after two years she has to come Back be re situated make new contacts. That has some sort of Dollar value and perhaps can be planned  since prenuptial deals Are kept private a often even family members Are unaware a no one knows the number of marriages that come equipped with one. A in the Middle to upper Middle class sector Quot says Washington lawyer Sanford Ain a i would guess its in the Vicinity of 15 percent and that May be  he adds that if you restrict yourself to upper incomes say net Worth in excess of $1 million and second marriages Quot my guess is you re talking about 50  it s one of those upper upper upper families that has Given a special news value to the Issue in the last month the dueling Trumps of course. Ivana reportedly is scheduled to get $25 million or so a a Nice piece of change but Only a minuscule slice of her husband s $1.7 billion or so. Her lawyer has called the Deal a updated three times during the marriage a Quot unconscionable Quot and  but most attorneys quoted in news stories about the unhappy couple said it was unlikely she would get a court to agree. Quot when there a a prenup you can forget it it s Over Quot said one lawyer in a remark that was widely echoed. For the crowd at the Vienna Center it Wasny to Donald Trump s Money they were concerned about it was their own. Only two out of the 40 raised their hands when the speaker lawyer David Schell asked if the Trumps had brought them in. Privately a Silver haired Man admitted to a Small Bond with Donald Trump. Quot i Don t want to say i sympathize with the Guy a i can t sympathize with someone who s got so much Money a but it gives cause for concern you accumulate some wealth and under the present Law have to give up half the Law does not seem to recognize gradations. It s a meat a a Boom Quot he s speaking As you might have guessed from experience. Quot i went into a marriage where i had All the assets. Ten years later i had to Divide  he s not planning on tying the knot again soon a Quot just getting prepared for that eventuality which i Hope will come. I m a planner. Would t believe it by my marriages but i  planning is what a prenuptial agreement is All about. You can say almost anything in one from detailing the extent of spousal support to compensating the wife for Chipping in toward her husband s medical degree. But there a one important exception children. Quot you cannot put in your agreement that we will have three children Quot Schell told the crowd Quot you cannot put in the agreement that upon divorce custody goes to one Parent or the other or the grandparents. You cannot put in there that upon divorce the wife will pay child support in the amount of Blank or the wife waives child support. The children Are not party to the  otherwise he said it s All up to what you your spouse to be and your respective attorneys negotiate. Coupling bed twosome marry by Maushard bal of evening Sun Zabeth Taylor and Richard Burton did it. Natalie Wood and Robert Wagner did it. Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson did it just is year Jcj so Anco Arr the Carrs a Timonium md., couple cannot among celebrity twosome they do have on a As do those Hollywood duos a of and divorced and remarried each other. K were married the first time on Jan. 1, 1981 f second marriage for both and brought 1 son and her two daughters from theirs marriages. Sad in May 1987> divorced in february a i. Pc quietly n a cd Vii ceremony in june Public religious ceremony oct. 7. A Anc we Chi Ose to be together s a not cause we need to be Quot i Carr 46. Ncarr4i be Reward s amazing is int1� belter now she say5. There is Lam in k8 re at on ship and they realize How i Sprai av8 another Chance at a life that was Terai years. By couples in the United states get Back together after divorcing seems impossible to say. The National Center for health statistics which tracks marriages and divorces does not count this subgroup. Marriage licenses do not yield the information although the people who Issue them know it happens but not How often. Even researchers done to seem interested because they can t gather a big enough group to yield significant results. Quot in a often asked if it s a trend Quot says Constance Ahrons a California psychotherapist. Quot i Don t think it s a trend. We will see More of it Only because there Are More divorced couples out there Quot says Ahrons author of divorced families. Remarrying the same spouse is Quot so unusual you tend to notice it Quot says Andrew Cherlin a Johns Hopkins University professor who studies marriage and divorce and is involved in a Long term study of children of divorce. Quot it s kind of like a four Leaf Clover there Are not Many but when you find them they stand  the carry a relationship turned sour on Bobby s a alcohol problem Quot which worsened during the six years of their first marriage Quot and continued to intrude on our life Quot especially during the last 18 months they were together. When Barbara Quot got tired of trying Quot she left he concedes. It was May 15, 1987. Bobby remembers the Date without hesitation. Quot i was not at All Happy about her leaving but in a Way she did me a great favor a he says. Quot it took that kind of emotional Shock for me to hit  Bobby s life took a turn for the better on sept 3, 1987, when he began attending alcoholics Anonymous meetings and Quot worked that program eagerly Quot he also made up his mind Quot that there was a Way to reconcile with Barb Quot but their lives apart took several More turns a including a new relationship for Barbara a before they turned Back to one another. In june 1988, she filed for divorce but it was not granted because Bobby refused to agree that Quot there was no Chance of reconciliation Quot As the Law requires. Eight months later in Early 1989, Bobby agreed to the divorce and it became final. Barbara remembers that she was anything but Happy. While still in the office of the master an attorney appointed to review divorce agreements before they go to a judge she recalls thinking Quot i Don t want this. I really still love this person. Quot i cried the whole weekend Quot she remembers. Because of Barbaraus other relationship and the time that had passed Bobby by now Quot had almost totally Given up Hope Quot of getting Back together. He had become involved in a series of self improvement courses that he says helped him get his life Quot Back on track Quot had started dating casually a though he still compared every other woman to Barbara a and was starting new businesses. A the Only remaining link Between us was the automobile she was driving that was in my  when Bobby called to suggest she refinance the car in her name he found out that Barbara had ended the relationship she had been involved in. Bobby seized the moment and asked her for a Date. She agreed. That was in april. Quot i was ecstatic to be in Barb s company again Quot he says. Quot she realized she still had feelings for  the former husband and wife continued to Date to talk to try to work things out. Quot we had changed a lot Quot says Barbara. Quot Bobby Hadnot had a drink in Over two  Early in May Bobby went to Seattle for five Days. They missed each other a a lot Quot and began to keep Quot extremely steady company thereafter Quot Bobby says although they continued to live apart. Quot we talked about the possibility of getting married  again Bobby seized the moment. He went to the courthouse and got a marriage License which is valid for six months. When he brought it to Barbara she put it in a drawer. Then in june she said Quot let s go Over to the courthouse and get  it was the Day of her older daughter s High school graduation. So after graduation on june 13, Barbara and Bobby Carr were married again. Tuesday ,1990 the stars and stripes Sola Page 15