European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - July 14, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Tranh Thi Kim Nga Selling cookies in to Chi Minh City is one of thousands of children bom to american fathers and vietnamese mothers who Hope to go to America in search of a better life just As my Phuong who is already finding her Way in Virginia amid Many pressures. By Joseph Cerquone special to the Washington Post it is sunday afternoon and my Phuong my amerasian Foster daughter is upset. Over the phone a vietnamese aunt in another part of Northern Virginia has just scolded her for living with americans. My Phuong should be with her Quot vietnamese family the aunt argued then she Hung up. Quot Why did she do that Quot my Phuong cries Quot to just called to say . My wife and i try to be consoling but the Hurt continues a a Hurt born of War a cruel fact of my Phuong s Young but divided life. It cuts deeply into our daughter s sense of herself her feelings her loyalties. The a aunt Quot is part of a very Large Foster family my Phuong once lived with in Vietnam like my Phuong she came to the United states to Start a new life. But the similarities end there. A Sharp generational Gap among other things runs Between the two refugees. Quot Why did she do that Quot my Phuong asks again. Why indeed perhaps the Hurt must win sometimes i think. Still it never really triumphs. My Phuong has become Good at surviving. Four years ago she arrived so unfamiliar with the ways of Bright shiny America that at first she applied Roll on deodorant to her face. However that mistake was Only a Sliver of a larger More serious picture experts say resettled amerasian from Vietnam a the children of american fathers and vietnamese mothers a can have difficult adjustment problems because their split identities have mixed so Long with hardship and neglect. Yet so far my Phuong has defied the experts overcome the Odds. She has now graduated a top student at . Williams High school. Next will come College then some ambitious plans. Quot i want to go Back to visit Vietnam and see if i can help anybody Quot she recently wrote in applying for College Aid. A i am 90 percent sure 1 will work either in business or communications after  for my Phuong getting to this Point has involved profound changes some related to being a refugee others a teen Ager and still others an amerasian. Many Young people like her would be discouraged. But my Phuong is confident that she can map out her future and she even laughs now about her first awkward Days in this country. ,. These Are Good signs antidotes for tearful sundays. Ultimately the Hurt of War does not Triumph Over her a it just reminds one of what my Phuong has been up against and what she is defeating. I picture her boarding the Airliner at Tan son Nhut Airport in to Chi Minh City. It is May 1986. Quot i cannot describe How frightened i was Quot she remembers. Quot i looked around saying goodbye to All that i  what my Phuong knew was not very much. Given away As an infant she lived in Foster Homes in Vietnam ending up with Quot Grandfather Quot Sau an elderly Man who brought her into a family of a dozen children. Sau treated my Phuong Well a he even spoiled her a but my Phuong slight skin her Quot american Ness Quot set her apart in vietnamese  i never really fit in Quot she says. Quot because i was amerasian i was not  after Sau died in 1982, his older children contacted vietnamese emigration authorities and presented my Phuong As a Young half sister. Perhaps they had Learned that amerasian Are priority emigration cases in Vietnam and hoped they could leave the War ravaged country with her. But officials determined that my Phuong had no. Blood relatives and when she finally left for the United states she was alone on her own my Phuong was just 14 the Day she landed in new York. She Felt dazed Quot it was like being a person who is Blind for Many years and now suddenly that persons eyes Are open in a Bright  on one hand she was fortunate she had been sponsored by the United states Catholic conference and immediately found a place in the social services system As a Ward of the Richmond va., diocese. On the other hand she was far far behind my Phuong knew no English and had no Money. Her education had slipped the vietnamese authorities had slopped her schooling for two years from the time she got permission to leave to the Day she departed. And her Quot skills Quot a hawking Motorbike parts on to Chi Minh City streets a hardly held Promise for the u s. Job Market in her Young eyes the future looked frighteningly Uncertain. Gradually however a new life took hold. Her birth name which Means Quot vietnamese american seemed hard for people to pronounce spell or remember a so somehow she acquired the name Rachel at school. Her language and dress started to change and streets began to look familiar. And my Phuong met the phone the chosen Utility for millions of american teen agers. Nothing closed the gaps in her heart however. She had hoped to find acceptance a last in the United states instead she. Passed through Foster Homes just As she i had in Vietnam. \ one family had to move leaving her behind. In a second Home there were insurmountable problems. But she never abandoned her search for a family she could Call her own. Last december at a welcoming dinner when she moved into our House my Phuong passed out Wallet sized copies of her senior picture. Quot dear dad a she wrote on the Back of mine Quot i am very nervous and scared. Plus very Happy. I Hope it will work out for  the Way my Phuong studied for a school test one night Sticks in my mind As an example of the strengths she somehow summons for hours that evening she played recorded lessons on a tape deck that she r normally loads with vietnamese and american Rock songs on and off went the tape on and off As my Phuong carefully listened wrote out words she did not understand then asked me their meanings. She was not doing tier English Homework though the lessons were part of a computer course. My Phuong was simply making sure she could understand the exam questions. The real focus of the test a How to operate a computer a had to wait. Quot you should not have to go through this Quot i said doubting that Many other students bore such a double Burden. I was certain my Phuong would quit. Yel she kept working the tape rewinding fast forwarding eagerly pushing the control buttons a until finally of course she had mastered both the English and the comp Terese. In the few months she has been with us the frustrations of that night have been repeated in much of what has happened this Side of her divided life. Nothing quite goes the Way it should and my Phuong has to mount a great and steady Effort just to get through to do the nost Ordinary things. And the endless forms a a the College admission papers the summer Job applications a All the bureaucratic rites of passage teen agers face a How quickly they bring my Phuong s vague past to the surface. Quot Mother s name fathers Quot the forms demand. How does one say the War stole the answers Back in Vietnam Quot Grandfather Quot Sau tried to fill in some of the holes in her background. He assigned her a birth Date and clearly she is a teen Ager. However my wife and i wonder exactly How close Sau came to reality. At times my Phuong playfully hides her. Tiny body behind furniture then pops out shrieking Quot i dad Quot or a a the fog is coming a a a warning cry from a horror video we watched together. As my Phuong dashes off alive Wilh laughter we Are sure that she is younger than 18. But then she will do something difficult and responsible like ending a relationship with a Well meaning but Quot too serious Quot Boyfriend because she does not want to mislead his heart at those times my Phuong appears older. And when the Hurt of War bears Down like it did the sunday my Phuong became upset by her aunt she looks much much older older than us older than the Hills As if she never has been just a kid the unknowns the unresolved Hurt the pressures of being on her own alone and adrift the complications of belonging to two very different Peoples countries and cultures separated by years of bitterness a it never rests and it eats up Young / innocent lives so easily and the pressures continue in tier desk mixed in with school papers and a Driver s Permil my Phuong keeps letters from another Foster relative a desperate unde still stuck in Vietnam for years he has been Hying to leave legally for the United states and ire cannot understand Why his emigration application remains unapproved he wants my Phuong to determine the problem and to Send him Money a As she has done before. Josh a  ii a Lide once Wyntur in Xiuji Juliu i saturday july 14, 1990 the stars and stripes Page 13