European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - July 31, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse 1 Ortner says the . Chamber of Commerce even lobbies against parental leave fearing that key employees flights to Gerber land would Hurt Small and Middle size companies. Quot they think they can to hold the jobs but this is foolish. There s not a country in Europe that does t have weeks of paid leave Quot he says. Quot it s part of their s employee system supported by governments and private a but in America one can be a devoted Parent or a Quot promising employee rarely both. No one has to say it. Men sense it Quot id say that parental leave is something men Don t r do. There s an entrenched thought that this Type of t leave is for women a Man might worry about being gone a when he s away from the office he loses his competitive Edge Quot says Atlanta stockbroker Ron Banks who has two children. Now when he leaves the office during the Day it s not a problem because Banks can set his own schedule As Long As he produces. But several years ago he worked for another company Quot at Atlanta Gas Light it was always a major event to go off during the Day. Two or three people would have to of William w. Scarborough senior manager at a accounting firm do Seidman thinks that in general companies want to discourage men from taking frequent personal leave Days. "1 done to see a lot of that Here in Atlanta. Accounting is competitive and demanding. There san up or out syndrome like in Law. You have to Bill . Los Angelos Timos in America one can be a devoted Parent Ora promising employee rarely both. No one has to say it. Men sense it. Positive attention a strategy that really Workshy Mary to Kochakian. Hartford courant you can t ignore your kids when they re bad but must you pay attention to them while they re being Good too wont you Ever get any peace we Are warned by the experts that if we pay attention to our children Only when they Are misbehaving they have to misbehave. Negative attention is better than no attention its hard to change. Quot we re so used to just getting on with the life of the family. When a child s behaviour is appropriate you can get on to other things a do the Wash other chores Quot psychologist Peter Williamson says. Quot and when the kid Steps out of line then you pay attention to the strategy of positive attention really works says Williamson author of Good kids bad behaviour. But often parents Don t Rea Izo it in t going to show results quickly he says. Quot parents often Don t feel that immediate surge of Success and think they Aren t getting any then they lose Confidence in say you Are trying to teach your children to leave you alone while you talk to a neighbor. Quot you teach them something else to do a have certain activities to do while you re Busy Quot Williamson says. Quot they May do it for a Little while but pretty soon they re going to say of what happens if i go Back. And Bug her and that s not a bad thing. They re be no Little scientists. So two weeks after you re into a program All the stops come out and they just hit you with everything and parents will say it s not working. Quot Well that s not True. That s Why it s real important for parents to be Able to to k themselves through things and get through the rough positive attention is especially important to children who Are not responsive to Quot the Normal modes of d so Pline a or criticism Quot Wiliam son says Quot it in t a matter of just Cir a n Sec to Iyanna Ash about it. It s a matter of paying attention to the k ads of behaviour you want the cd d to learn a i what you did there you re handling yourself really Well Quot cheer Leadmo won t work with some children a a jul y 31,1990 thick skinned extroverted child Williamson says will respond to exclamations of Quot great Job that was super Quot but a More anxious introverted child tends to shrink away from that kind of Praise. Quot positive. Attention for them is reinforcing their sense of Sel Confidence. It can be really Low key even balanced with criticism Quot it was t perfect but i really like the Way you handled the timeout technique works nicely in the scheme says Williamson who practices in Madison wis., but it s often used incorrectly. A timeout in which Misbehaviour is interrupted and the child is ordered to i sit silently for a Short time has no deterrent value. But it allows parents to break the pattern of Misbehaviour and refocus the child a activity. Quot say you re paying lots of attention to the kids while they re playing and 4-year-old Jamie goes Over and knocks Over Jack s Block Tower Quot Williamson says. Quot that a 10 seconds on the floor. He sits there you do a silent count of 10 and pay a lot of attention to when the timeout is Over you redirect Jamie Williamson says Quot timeouts All done. Time to build blocks. Of Jamie a coming Over to see what he s going to do. He a going to make something. Look at that he a got one two three four a can he get that one up there Quot redirecting is critical he says and especially important for preschoolers. Quot Don t leave dead space Quot he says. Or suppose a tired child waiting for dinner has a Tantrum. Tell him to take two minutes to Calm Down Williamson says. Quot it s not done As a punishment with a a lot of anger. They go Settle themselves Down and it gives you a Chance to go in there and Tell them you did a Nice Jab we Don t pay attention to the fact they got mad we pay attention to the fact they settled 2 themselves Down Quot he says. Stick with it he says and your View of the child s behaviour w a change. A you get used to relating to the child As someone who s evolving Quot not seeing the child As Good or bad depending on his current i behaviour Wip Amson so be ready to Praise your kids for simply doing the i things they ought to be doing Williamson advises. J As your emphasis shifts away from the negative he s says so will theirs and you will be at relative emotions Cool the urge to York times parents whose late adolescent or Young adult children have just broken up with a Long term Boyfriend or Girlfriend should keep several things in mind when they discuss the situation done to Rush in with advice. Many parents feel uncomfortable because it reminds them of painful episodes from their own adolescence. Remember that a breakup can be like a death and a child May need a certain amount of mourning to resolve it. Quot done to try to solve your children a problems Quot said Ann l. Weber an associate professor of psychology at the University of North Carolina in Asheville. Quot that May make them feel worse. Quot instead repeat what. They Are saying and let them know what emotions you Are hearing in their voice advised Weber and other psychologists. This lets them know you Are. Listening and helps them think through the problem. Gently encourage children to discuss How they feel about themselves after a breakup. This is often More difficult with Young men than with Young women. Quot because men Are discouraged from disclosing emotions especially any signs of weakness it can be very difficult for men to reveal to their parents How much they re Hurt by a said or. Charles t. Hill a professor of psychology at Whittier College in California. If your child does no to want to talk Don t try to Force the Issue. Quot let your child take the initiative to talk about it and express it in his or her own Way Quot said Alan d. Entin a family psychologist in Richmond va., and the president of the division of family psychology of the american psychological association. Applying too much pressure before your child is ready will make that child even More hesitant to discuss the problem instead Tell your child that you Are available if to or she wants to talk. Done to worry if your child never talks to you about the situation. That simply Means your child Felt More comfortable at that moment with someone else. Done to dismiss or deny the significance of the relationship. Quot parents sometimes say by the time you re 26 you la forget All about him Quot Entin said Quot that diminishing of the problem can make it worse Quot Entin said. Quot the child feels valued even less when you say things like that. Quot keep your opinions of the former Boyfriend or Girlfriend to yourself. It s tempting to lash out at the person associated with a songs or daughters pain. Keep in mind that people who have recently broken up especially adolescents often have ambivalent feelings about each other. If you criticize the former Boyfriend or Girlfriend your child May feel even More uncomfortable and May begin to defend the other person parents press adolescents to discuss breaking up with a Long term Friend if the child does no to want to talk about it. The stars and stripes irk Rit Page 15
