European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - August 7, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse Tuesday August 7t 1990 the stars and stripes a Page 1tetters essay winners earn $100 savings Bonds dear Ann Landers i was moved by the letter from a Long Island woman who considers herself bound by a Long ago Promise not to put her Mother in a nursing Home. Now that the Mother is 83, and her mind is gone the daughter writes that the Promise a has ruined my a it is selfish to demand such a Promise and it is a mistake to agree. The Only Promise that should be Given is that you will always do your Best to make the right decision regard ing the care of a loved one after consulting a doctor the clergy and other knowledgeable sources. If the Promise has already been made there is no moral Law that requires a person to keep that Promise and pursue a course of action that will create hardship and cause resentment. In a 74, six years ago i wrote a letter to my and published it in my weekly column i instructed her to place me in a Good nursing Home should my condition Ever warrant it. She has that letter As a guide and a Token of my love. Alvin v Sizer new Haven Register columnist dear Al Beautiful thanks for a letter that will surely relieve a great Many people from the Burden of unearned guilt. You be performed a greater service today than you will Ever know dear Ann Landers Here is one i Don t think i have Ever read in your column. I Hope you and your readers will Tell me what you think of this situation. For obvious reasons i can to be objective. While i was dressing for my songs commencement exercises the phone rang. My husband answered talked a few minutes and came into the dressing room where i was finishing my makeup. With a stricken look he said a you done to Nave to bother getting ready. John failed the after this statement there was a 60-Sccond pause while he studied my face for a re action. My hands started to shake and tears began to Stream Down my Cheeks. I was completely shattered. The feelings of despair and disappointment were overwhelming 1 Felt so sad for our son who had worked so hard a and now this crushing blow. After a minute my husband says a april fool a it was june a do you want to know who really called a at that Point i was too sick to care. What kind of a person would pull such a joke on his this is not the first he has done this sort of thing to me. And when i become angry he sulks sometimes for weeks at a and refuses to speak to me i know he will never change but id your opinion. A High blood pressure. In new York dear High blood pressure you Are married to a sadistic mean spirited bully. People who pull the kind of garbage that you describe enjoy the sense of Power that comes from upsetting people and making them lose their composure. When the victim becomes angry the usual ploy is can to you take a joke what a the matter with you whereas your sense of humor a the Best defense against your husband s game playing is to take nothing he says seriously. Remain Calm Cool and collected. Train yourself not to react to any of his startling statements. You can Check them out later. This will drive him bananas. C creators Syndicate the 8th in army Junior Reserve officers training corps a Roth at Patch american High school. Stuttgart Vai Hingen recently conducted a creative writing contest on peer pressure the courage to say no and the awareness of substance abuse we received hundreds of entries from Dodds schools All Over winning entries were Kelly Lester 6th Grade a Heilbronn elementary Jas Cordell Johnson 11th Grade a Hahn High school Scott shorts 1 old Grade a Hahn High school Sarah Hancock 8th Grade a Pir Masens Middle school Evan Hughes 11 the Grade a Patch h High school the above entries All received $100 . Savings Bonds and arc submitted for your consideration. A Jack Goldman senior army instructor Patch american High school a Roth department Vaihinger West Germany editor $ note a the first is sri we re printing was the Winner of last cars 1989 contest. It Ivy a printed by the stars and stripes and picked up by Ann Landers it has such an Impact we re print my it again. The second essay we re printing is one of this year s winners. If i had the attention of the world for two minutes. Id Tell everyone about the hell i be been through living with an alcoholic Parent. I would Tell them about the nights i have lain awake until morning wondering if my father were dead killed in an alcohol related Accident and sometimes wishing he was. I would also Pray he did not take an innocent with him in his selfishness. I would Tell the world about my Isth birthday party when his two friends had to carry him dead drunk into the House a in front of my eight Best friends. I would talk about the night when i was 9, crying on the Couch because of the harsh words he was screaming at my Mother. I would bring up the Many nights i cried myself to sleep because 1 was Lold How worthless Rotten and stupid i was. I would Tell about the numerous times at sports banquets parties and dinners out when my father insisted on making a scene embarrassing not Only me but also my Mother and brother. And 1 would Tell the world the Joy and embarrassment surround i be just returned from emergency leave and i m still recovering from Jet lag. However before my experiences fade away i wanted to write this letter to urge your readers to prepare for the inevitable. 1 went Home on emergency leave at the urging of a Good Friend. My father underwent a quadruple heart bypass in what was supposed to be routine surgery by today a standards. He survived the surgery but suffered a massive fatal stroke Days after his operation. As the oldest child most of the medical decisions and funeral arrangements were expected by my family to be made by me. Luckily my father had a living will which stated he did not want to be Pul on any sustaining devices. But that a about All he had. I had to arrange for a cemetery plot select a casket make funeral arrangements with the Church and try to Settle his estate in the Short i was Home. In a certainly not complaining about putting my a ing me the morning he told me of his Dpi Joy because he was off inc Road but embarrassment big cause my friends All knew about his drinking problem. On the other hand 1 would talk about the times he was not drinking. He loved me Only a father could teaching me How to bowl talking to me about the problems he experienced during his icon age years giving me a hug when i really needed one coming to Cliecy me at my swim meets and helping me with my dreaded trigonometry Homework. These two conflicting personal it is belong to the. Same Man. But it is Only the second personality 1�?~vc come to love. A at the end of my two minutes i would Hope that people know alcohol is a drug potent drug a which changes the aspects of a personality we love to one we despise. And i Hope through my suffering 1 have convinced1 one alcoholic to seek help because alcohol is a drug that destroys More than a person it can destroy a family As Well Dodds Germany student wishing to remain Anonymous one of this year s winners Don t Tell me done to Tell me 1 can t cause then ill do it get on to toll me i m too Young cause i think in Mold enough done to Tell me 1 done to understand cause How do you know done to Tell me 1�?Tni wrong. Cause even parents make mistakes done to Tell me that some Day ill know Why you re doing it. Cause what if 1 done to done to Tell me its not the end of the world. Cause it May feel it done to question everything i do cause i need you to Trust Medone to Tell me its Best cause you done to always know what a Best. Don t Tell me its for my own Good. Cause you could be wrong done to Tell merits hard being a Parent. Cause it s hard being a teen Ager. Ion a Sarah Hancock Grade 8, Pir Masens Middle school her to rest a but 1 wish i had discussed his final wishes Wilh him when he was alive and Well. Talking about death and How one wants to be treated after death and How an estate is to be handled arc not very easy subjects to discuss. But believe me no matter Bow hard they Are they re a Jot easier to talk about before the inevitable happens and you find yourself making decisions based on emotions. Of you think one Day you might have to make iils a ordeal h decisions for someone else i d strongly urge you to talk to that person As soon As possible. I would also urge that you Pul your own affairs in order. A will burial desires and medical instructions would be a Good Start. There a never a Good hut even the worst is belter than after the fact. Make it easy on your family and friends. A a col. Jerry Fowler Ramstein Abt West Germany a discuss vital matters in writer urges european edition col Gene e. Townsend Usan cd Menander Ett ilor in Chiet it. Col. Suzanne l. Phillips. Usan Deputy commander editor in chief Marie Kominicki Mert Proctor Deane b. Mcdermott Pix Judion manager managing editor circulation manager this Ner pref a is an a horned unofficial publication for members of. In if j i seas. Contents of the stars and stripes Are not r i i n c h of or endorsed by. The government. U a of lie Lensu or me european command. Fie act aj.nrii�?~,a,g m the publication. N a Duding spurts a <�-.? ,.j-ies not con endorsement by the department of he it Iii or the i us and slopes of Ifni products or services advertised e Grything m this publication Stull to made available Tor p. R it a i i. For /., regard to rape coir rt1n. A it i ,. R i in us as11.oil t .11 id r Alf i u a r o Orani. Rid too per Haver u 5-r i main office a switchboard . I. 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