European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - September 25, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Liaa etto Quot Sandy Rodriguez who a dying of aids has not walked since december. Her Cou Aln Lues Rivera watches Over her from a doorway in her new Jersey Home. Aphids at age 12 Sandy a struggle for life by George Esper associated press sometimes when the pain in her belly and her toothpick thin legs tears at her Lissette Rodriguez thinks of heaven. Quot when mom Dies i die everyone Dies i can walk in there Quot she says in her frail voice. Quot no pain in my stomach no pain in my knee and i walk  sometimes her Chest feels so tight she can t breathe. Sometimes those who love her can t hold her because her 40-Pound body is so Brittle that she bleeds inside. In those excruciating moments Sandy As she is nicknamed prays. She asks god to take the pain away. Barely 12 years old Sandy is dying of aids. For her death is represented by the concept of heaven where everything is Beautiful. A you close your eyes and your body is not working Quot she says. Quot then you go to god go to Jesus in a big place where he lives. My father is in there. Everyone who Dies goes  Sandy a doctor or. Laura Hoyt said no part of the girls body from her head to her toes is working properly her brain lungs heart liver kidneys blood immune system. Quot we be had her on hospice care at Home since last Spring Quot the doctor said. Quot we Are keeping her As comfortable As possible for As Long As possible. She hates being in the Hospital and does no to want to die in the  Sandy of Elizabeth n.j., is among the nearly 2,500 american children under 13 who have contracted full blown aids since the epidemic began. The centers for disease control in Atlanta reported in August that More than 1,300 of those children have died in the United states and its territories. Sandy was born four weeks prematurely in new York City. The woman she knows As her Mother Carmen Candelaria is really her aunt. Candelaria took Sandy and another child from her own sister when they were born because the sister was unable to care for them. Sandy contracted aids through a blood transfusion needed because of her Early birth Candelaria said. The girls natural Mother died two years ago at age 41, after mixing valium and alcohol at a party she said. Candelaria said she knows nothing about Sandy s father. Her own husband the Man Sandy knew As her father was killed when Sandy was 7 in a Holdup in the video store he owned in puerto Rico where they lived for five years. Quot i miss my father Quot Sandy says. A i miss him every Day every  Sandy has t walked since last december. She spent from Christmas through March in the Hospital and watched her Friend Christina from puerto Rico die of aids on new years eve. Quot i was scared Quot she says. Quot soon her eyes were closed. Her Mother is crying. Her father is crying. I started crying. I said i want to see  she was covered. Her hair was a mess All gone. I miss her. She a gone to heaven. She moved from the islands to  Candelaria threw a big Barbecue May 1 for Sandy a 12th birthday and invited the people at the Hospital who care for her. Sandy who weighed 60 pounds then mustered the strength to blow out the candles and got icing on her nose. She celebrated her first communion not in a Church but in the Hospital where she returned at the end of May when her condition worsened. For Candelaria it was bittersweet. She is tormented by the picture in her mind. She is unable to shake the image of a Little girl with Brown hair and eyes White lace dress and stockings locket around her tiny neck in a wheelchair surrounded by nurses a cake decorated with the sentiments Quot Jesus loves Lissette. We do  Quot i just got sad Quot said Candelaria. Quot i wanted it to be not in the Hospital but a real Normal communion. She told me not to cry if i cry Shell  they both cried. Sandy is attached to Candelaria wanting her there every moment even sleeping with her. Candelaria is her Shadow and has devoted much of her life to caring for her. She is Candelaria s protector never talking to her about the inevitable. Quot she knows Quot Candelaria said. Quot she never talks to me about dying. She sees me cry too Many  each Day brings a new onslaught of pain for Sandy diarrhoea coughing fever fungus itching. Her Black and Blue body is replenished with new blood every month transfusions to keep her alive and platelets to help Stem the diseases tide. A hug a kiss a banged foot can Start internal bleeding. A i have a pain in Here Quot Sandy says rubbing her stomach. Quot sometimes i throw it up. Sometimes i get mad at  Doreen Small her devoted nurse said Sandy always fights with her Quot then she says she a sorry. I m the focus of her anger which is of. When she s in a Good mood Shell paint pictures for me. I have a Bunch of  a luxury for Sandy is to have her feet rubbed. She asks anyone who is Handy to accommodate her. When her Cousin Lues Rivera jokingly threatened to Stop one Day she teased him in Spanish Quot i dare  Sandy is a prisoner of her bed cared for at Home by her aunt and the Center for Hope hospice. Quot done to put me in there yet Quot she orders Small afraid she May never get Back out to do All the things she wants. Her bedroom is filled with a Cabinet of survival gear sterile water Saline Gauze diapers dressing kits Needles to flush her in. Her link to life is a Catheter that enters her Chest nourishing her with food vitamins minerals and dextrose. The Thrush infection from her Mouth to her stomach and the Medicine have killed her appetite. Quot sometimes the food at the Hospital i done to like it Quot she says. A treat for her is pizza and French Fries but she can handle Only a few bites. Her constant companions Are her Friend poppy who takes her shopping a doll called baby bubbles which she hugs and rocks and the Telephone. She frequently Calls poppy to take her shopping and to chitchat. Quot i want to see my grandmother and Cousin. You see the movie Mermaid like the  Quot when you think How limited her life is that a her Only Contact to the outside world Quot said Small. Her dreams Are simple to get out of her bed to go to school to see her classmates and the new kids on the Block to have another party to Fly to puerto Rico to visit her grandmother to see the Clouds from the plane. Quot i Don t want to die never never Quot she cries. Quot i want to  tuesday september 25,1990 the stars and stripes a a a Page 13