European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - October 1, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Guys also need to rap share advice for men Only by Elsa Brenner new York times All the misconceptions about what a real men Don t do Are left outside the door three mondays a month when members of a support group called for men Only get together in suburban new York City to let their hair Down share feelings and sometimes even cry. Among the groups ranks Are businessmen accountants lawyers teachers and salesmen. The common thread is that they Are single and not always sure How to Cope with the problems and feelings that go along with being separated divorced or widowed. Some of those attending for men Only meetings at the my amp wha of mid Westchester miss their children others need to share the pain of a lost relationship. And some Are having trouble finding an apartment or a divorce lawyer they can Trust. Quot most of All we get together to meet other men rap and share advice Quot said Harold Halman a businessman and president of for men Only. A women have a natural ability for this kind of thing for bonding Quot he said. Quot men Are brought up to be competitive to be Tough. Quot if you re Ever in a group and a woman starts to cry the woman next to her will give her a tissue Quot Halman said. Quot in a group of Guys if someone gets teary everyone usually just  but meetings of for men Only can get Quot very emotional Quot Halman said and they provide a Safe place where Quot it s of to shed  most men tend to Quot Tough it out Quot during hard times observed Martin Bernstein an accountant who serves As the groups discussion Leader. Quot we find it difficult to unburden because we re taught to View that As a sign of weakness Quot he said. Quot its very easy to spill your guts to a woman you hardly know but a Man is usually hesitant to reveal his feelings to another Guy even if its someone he a known for 10 years. When you re All in the same boat together though it can be very  As the members share their experiences the Quot Tough Guy facades Quot Are often dropped and empathy and tenderness begin to come from Many Corners of the room Bernstein said. Quot i remember one Guy who needed a place to live and another member offered to put him up Quot Bernstein recalled. Quot he was unemployed and a lot of things were hitting him at once. The group was very  another Man Halman said had been accused by his wife of abusing his child. He was arrested and lost visitation privileges. Not Quot people Overlook the fact that men need male relationships too Quot says Martin Bernstein menus group discussion Leader. During the emotionally difficult period that followed before the charges were found to be untrue the group provided the Man with much needed support. Sponsored by the mid Westchester a the group was formed in 1975 and has had As Many As 150 members said Mel Berkowitz a Salesman who was one of for men Only s founding members. Currently there Are about 40 Active members Ages 30 to the late 60s, who pay $1 per session to attend. Members tend to drop out when they find a new relationship Halman said. A but then you find yourself single again a he added a and you come  on monday evenings after the initial socializing Over Coffee and cake the members formally begin each meeting by with a pledge of confidentiality the specifics of what will be discussed during the support group session cannot leave the room. Newcomers Are then introduced and the group is asked if anyone has an update of a previous topic or a new Issue to share. A women Are not a primary subject of discussion Quot Halman said. Quot we done to get into current relationships and we Don t gossip. We help each other through transitions in our  Bernstein concurred explaining that single men have other concerns besides looking for female companionship. Quot sometimes though men fear that having a close male Friend implies a Gay relationship Quot Bernstein said. Quot people Overlook the fact that men need male relationships  friendships forged during the support sessions often carry Over to social events outside the group such As going out to dinner or playing Tennis. During holidays which can be particularly stressful for single people members often plan dinners and other festivities. The friendships serve another function Bernstein added. A in the singles world when All men Are 19 again we also need a buddy sometimes to cruise with. When i was 19,1 had such a Friend and we used to go out together looking for  Herbert Reider a member of the group and a retired psychologist described the meetings As having Quot a free flowing group therapy style that gives participants permission to let it All hang  Reider who does not act in the capacity of a psychologist when he is attending meetings described the first year after the breakup of a marriage As a Quot period of  Many men he said do not know where to turn for help. Quot your ego is wounded and you re ready and eager to attach to someone else Quot Reider said. Quot but if you Rush into marriage that can be just More  recently the mid Westchester y hired Norman Needleman a 41-year-old social worker and pm. D. Candidate whose doctoral thesis is about single men to Lead the group. Although Many members including Halman think that having a therapist attend is not necessary Bernstein supports the idea. Quot when matters get emotional Quot Bernstein said Quot the troubled member is besieged with advice. It s comforting to know a therapist is filtering out the Good advice from the Well meaning but possibly destructive  name. Classified and odder form mail to stars and stripes Box 266, Apo 09211-4211 rank _ soc. Sec. No. Address duty pm _ . Card no. Apo. Mil. Comm. Home pm. Host country. Category no. Start Date la a till and text area i in i i i i Ltd i lilt $ 8l_ $ 9l. $10 l. $11 $12l a in a i i l in i i i i -1 a i a a Lilli no maximum Teng How Many weeks. J i i i i i i i l l a i i l 1 1 l,.i__i. J i i i l i i 1.-1 a i i i i i i a Al a i i i i a print or Type on Plain paper or use an additional Coupon if needed 1-week rate if Happy and add $5 a sub total multiply rate by no. Weeks a total Cost. 3 lines a 2 Days a $7 a Tartini october 7, clas8ifie0 aos Apper two a Wmk a in str Paa Magazina and sunday Magazina. 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