European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - December 3, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                A youngsters games tips to help cultivate creativity by Mary to Kochakian ,. Hartford courant you and your child could drive along in silence. You could punch the buttons on the radio skipping from one terrible song to the next. Or you could play the Quot what if Quot game. As in Quot what if you could change your name a what would you choose Quot Quot what if you could clone yourself Quot Quot what if nobody had to work for a Irving Quot Quot what if people could choose to change their sex easily As often As they wanted to Quot / the questions Are Susan k. Perry a from her new Book playing smart free spirit publishing. It s one example of How parents can make use of a and have fun with their children while helping them cultivate creativity. Perry a los Angeles educator and writer who has two sons now 19 and 17, began using games to stretch her boys minds when the were preschoolers. They re still at it. When they re Small you can get a lot of mileage out of examining a Leaf. When they re older you move into More challenging activities one Perry likes is exploring paradoxes with children. It has rubbed off. Recently she writes one son left this outgoing message on a friends answering machine Quot this is Kevin. I can t answer your Call because in a at Home right  by Marianne and Stephen w. Garber and Robyn Freedman Spizman Cox news service. /. A a a a a. A a a Reader i know that i have always suffered from a Tow self concept but i want my child to feel Good about a herself. Is there anything i can do to help her a . , probably there is no other single reason that brings a person to a therapists office More often than poor self concept. Low self esteem certainly contributes to Many problems. From alcohol and drug abuse to depression and anxiety if you done to feel Good about yourself it is very difficult to feel Happy. Self concept is the notion one has of oneself. Actually it is a lot of concepts what you think of yourself As a son or daughter a Friend a student an athlete a Singer. These Combine to form a self concept a the Overall Way you View yourself. You May be a Loyal Friend a Good student a poor 7 Tennis player a great dancer and a. Considerate daughter. No matter what your accomplishments if the expectations you place on yourself exceed the concept you have of yourself your self esteem is Low. That is Why a Beautiful woman can look into a Mirror and see bulges no one else can find. It wont. Matter How Many compliments Are paid to her her self image does no to match the image in her mind. It use these ideas to help your child build a Strong sense of self and a positive self concept e pay attention to your child s feelings and thoughts. The basis of self esteem is a Strong sense of self. Every time you listen to your child you Are saying Quot what you think is important to me Quot a Quot e teach your child How to give herself feedback. Or. Debora Phillips in How to give your child a great set image Calls it an Quot emotional  although it i important to hear criticism it should not damage Basic self concept. The emotional shrug involves the use of a powerful word  Quot yes i failed the math test but that does no to make me a bad person or stupid i did Well on the history test and i can learn the math with some help Quot a Praise your child. Give your child. Honest but specific Praise in Many different areas. Find things top aise about your child s weakest Points As Well As her Strong Points. Look for Small successes and Silver linings in bad situations. Quot it top a Potof. Courage to Tell me about the Grade you got in  a. A a look for real accomplishments. Your a Seena from the new hit movie Quot Home atone in which 8-year-old Kevin Macaulay Culkin pictured Here with screen mom Catherine o Hara Teama self esteem by Angle Handaly fighting off burglars in the House. Feeling Good parents can help children cultivate self esteem child should not consider herself Only in terms of what she can do but accomplishments Are a vital measure of growth introduce your child to a variety of activities and Arenas so her self concept is Rich and varied. _ a teach your child to acknowledge what she does Well. Most people focus easily of their weaknesses but have great difficulty recognizing their strengths. Regularly ask your child to Tell you something she likes about herself. Weave it into your conversations Quot Tell me something you did 100i today that you thought you did  for the child who is reluctant to answer use a multiple Choice format Quot did you feel Good about what you did in Art or on the playground Quot t give unconditional positive feedback you love your child because she is your child. Your child should love herself because there is no one on Earth like her. Make sure she knows that you like her and love her just for those reasons and no others. _ a much of the work of developing a sense of self is done alone. Your child must feel comfortable and learn to Trust her own feedback while her sense of self is. Developing though you remain her Best Modeland a Facilitator for her developments a Reader my husband refuses to read parenting advice or discuss specific situations where we differ. When / Don t agree with Hla rewards punishments attitudes should i support him anyway a All the books advise Sandy Springs mom Pear mom couples Are usually surprised that two individuals who know each other Well enough to marry and have children can disagree so much about How to raise a child. Parenting is one occupation where most people assume the formal training comes on the Job. You May not have taken a child development course yet you Are Likely to have had years of experience in watching your Mother and father rear children a you May agree on Basic values but in the midst of a trying situation you done to have time to compare solutions. When emotions come into play individuals Are Quick to draw from their background of experiences for an answer. ,.even if your husband never reads a parenting Book he should be Able to see the importance of agreement Between parents it takes no More than onetime for mom and dad to disagree in front of a child to know How powerless and frustrated a. Parent feels in that situation. Although two parents will certainly have different styles and pet issues its Quot important for both to agree on common approaches to situations and Behaviours but if one Parent does something the other strongly disagrees with or believes to be damaging to the child a self concept Active support is not necessary. In fact if one spouse does something emotionally or physically harmful to the child the other Parent should take Steps to change the situation or get help. Use these suggestions As you work through this problem. Take time to talk. Away from the kids perhaps away from the House talk about your concerns with a goal of developing guidelines each of you can live with. Agree to disagree in private. If you cannot support your spouse say nothing at that moment. Talk about your concerns later a. A a a done to let the children Divide and conquer be suspicious when your child asks you a question that is Likely to have been just answered by someone  did mom or dad say Quot is a Good reply in that Case. Remember though everyone needs help from time to time it s helpful to have a signal worked out Between parents. It provides a Cooling off period and time to Confer quietly. / prioritize your concerns. Sometimes parents who disagree in other ways can work together through a problem solving approach determine the child behaviour it problem you most want to change. Define a plan that will teach the child a positive behaviour to replace the one you want to Stop. Determine a time period during which both of you will agree to support the plan. Plan a family meeting after you and your spouse agree on the basics a the problem to work on and How to work on it a can a family meeting. Instead of presenting the solution get the whole family on the same. Side working together to solve a problem. Mate no Daniel Garter in  Consul tary 8tv 5frt3er 1 a whetst i Robyn Obook  mob Wing children Wretta  t1� atoll . A a. A 16 wow the stars and stripes