European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - December 30, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Careful analysis proves 1990 was % one Wacky year Dave Barry Knight Ridder newspaper he following is Dave barrys annual. Look Back at the year just past. January l the new year begins on a hopeful. Note As joyous Freedom Loving germans tear Down the Berlin Wall. 2 joyous Freedom Loving germans hastily rebuild the German Wall after discovering that it contains a major sewer line. 4 in Panama strongman Manuel Noriega is arrested on drug charges after a Quot sting operation in which he was videotaped smoking crack cocaine in an apartment with 27,000 undercover . Troops february 6 experts announce that cleaning up the Sav Ings and loan mess will require every Man woman and child in the United states to pay $100,000, plus a 15 percent gratuity. 19 professional baseball a Spring training is cancelled posing a grave threat to the nations spit Supply. L 22 former president Reagan in videotaped testimony for the trial of his former National Saccu Rity adviser John Poindexter clears up some Lin Goring questions about the Iran Contra scandal by revealing that to the Best of his recollection Iran a is a country located near Europe or possibly  y."7 7. /. A March. A Quot  u True item vice president Dan  Chile buys an anatomically Correct Statuette that when you pull its head Back becomes very masculine if you get our Drift. R 16 vice president Quayle is reported to be suffering front neck pains. His office denies that Marilyn has been pulling his head Back Matuh a Quot a 22 True quote from president Bush a of do not like Broccoli and i Haven to liked it since i was a Little kid and my Mother made me eat it and in a the president of the United slates and i m not going to eat any More  30 the . , which loses $4 million a Day announces that it must raise the Price of a first class stamp to 30 cents so it can pay for All those to commercials telling you How efficient it is. A a a a a Ltd a 31 president  Broccoli to Hitler april a. 1 the . Census Bureau mails out 100 million census forms 87 million of which Are addressed to a single household in Albany . 10 Donald Trump fueling rumours that his financial Empire is in trouble stars in a Quot no excuses jeans commercial 21 in new York City junk Bond King Michael Milken pleads guilty to fraud and is ordered to pay a Fine of $600 million which he obtains by Selling his watch. 23 the . Census Burcu celebrates thanks giving. May. 3 the soviet politburo in a major step toward developing a Western Stylc Economy accepts $135,000 from banker Charles Kealing. 9 the a multiple personality Legal defense is ruled to be constitutional by the supreme court in a 137-76 vote. 30 the Bush administration Renews China a preferential Trade status after the chinese government responding to criticism of its Buman rights policies agrees to shoot civilians with a smaller Caliper of Bullet. June. 3 experts announce that cleaning up the   require All . Citizens Roget scorpions tattooed on their Butts. 19 True item the air Force acknowledges that it paid Pratt amp Whitney $999 apiece for pc rial pliers that install clips on air planes. A Pratt spokesman says a a they re multipurpose a not Only do they put the clips on but they take  y Quot 7 7., 25 a shocked president Bush reveals that he has discovered a Large Federal budget deficit and taxes might have to be increased after All. Everyone is just stunned. 27 Nasa begins to suspect that there might be a Little problem with the $1.5 billion Hubble space Telescope when it starts transmitting extreme close up photographs of a sticker that says a Are Niove this sticker before launching Telescope a. July. Y. By a v a a a a a a a 10 Neil Bush indignantly denies allegations that being president Bush a son had anything to. Ado with the fact that he was named to the Board of directors of the Silverado savings and loan. 11 the air Force pays Pratt amp Whitney $2,784 apiece fora revolutionary Light switch that not Only turns the Light on but also turns it off. 22 Nasa hoping to Salvage the Hubble space Telescope project announces plans to launch Rex the $1.1 billion seeing Eye satellite 27 the pea announces that it will no longer hold Golf tournaments at country clubs that own  Quot a a 30 a Luxor Luague baseball commissioner Fay Vincent exercising his authority to protect the Best interests of baseball has George Slein Bren Ner fed to weasels. 31 this w Ould have been a Good Day to sell your stocks. A a Quot a a August a a a a Quot. A a 2 Iraq invades Kuwait getting off worldwide panic As thousands of Oil company executives pour into Ferrari dealerships. 3 experts announce that cleaning up the Sav Ings and loan mess will require every Man i woman and child in the United states to donate a at least one  a a a massive multinational buildup gets under Way in the persian Gulf with the United Stales providing troops ships planes weapons and huge quantities of supplies. Western Europe provides potato salad and Japan chips in with some really Nice Sun visors. September. 7 Neil Bush indignantly denies allegations that being president Bush a son had anything to do with the fact that he was named Admiral of the 7th Fleeta a a 14 concern is once again focused on the Quality of american schools when the education Secretary releases a report that turns out to have been copied verbatim from the Interior Secretary a re port on offshore drilling 29 True item the Best Selling non fiction Book in the United states is a a Millie a Book a which was a a dictated by the presidents dog. The proceeds Are to support literacy. Really. October. Y"7 y y 7 a a a a a 2 president Bush compares Saddam Hussein to Broccoli. 7 v 3 after 45 bitter years of separation East and West Germany unite to form a single nation Al. Though critics question some of the Revenue As. Sumption such As that  will develop a method for turning Ketchup into Gold. 20 Mikhail Gorbachev wins the Nobel prize for Best Bald male vocal. 23 Mcdonald a announces that it will Start using biodegradable hamburgers. 30 Neil Bush indignantly denies allegations that being president Bush a son had anything Todo with the fact that he was named King of Spain. November Quot v a Quot a a y6 in midterm elections the voters clearly fed up with the incompetence corruption and rampant hypocrisy of the incumbents re elect them 8 president Bush reinforcing the american commitment to remain in the persian Gulf until the Job is done orders a additional 250,000 High level White i Louse aides to come up with the real reason that we arc there. .7 y 27 Britain forms an entirely new government in roughly the amount of time it takes the . Con Gross to declare National celery month 28the former press Secretary to Barbara Bush reveals that a a Millie a books was actually dictated by a ghost dog named Booger. 7december a. Y. A v. 1 the . Commerce department denying claims by some economists that the nation has entered a recession quietly Sells its furniture. 23 Neil Bisish indignantly denies allegations that being president Bush a son had anything to do with the fact that he is named Quot Bicili Bush a 2$ Manuel Noriega wins the Florida lottery 27 the a Keating five Rob a liquor store. 31 experts announce that cleaning up the Sav Ings and loan mess will require the obliteration of All life on the planet. So there is a Silver lining after All. A  a and you have yourself a Happy new year. It Page 24 to plus sunday december 30,1990