European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - June 10, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Pros and cons by Marianne Daniels Garber ph.d.,. Stephen w. Garber ph.d., and Robyn Freedman Spizman Cox news service. A dear parenting i have a 6-year-old daughter in kindergarten. Her teachers have advised me that it would be Best if she stayed in kindergarten another year they said that the decision is up to me but that if she goes on to first Grade and does no to do Well they can keep her Back the following year without my permission. I am unsure. What to do.  what Are the benefits of staying Back will it do More harm than Good when school is out she will be going to a kindergarten program one to two hours a Day. She. Wants so much to go to first Grade. Quot a a a a a a a a mrs. R. Dear mrs. A making a decision about holding a child Back is never easy. The older child May be More aware of the connotations of retention but All children want to Progress with their Peers. Holding a child Back has at least a temporary effect on a student s self concept. However repeated frustration and failure in the classroom definitely have a negative effect on self esteem. A the Only valid reason to retain a child is that time will make a. Significant difference in the child a maturation. Theoretically the new experience will Lead to successes that counter any negative effects of retention. But How is one to know a. First you must give credence to what the teachers Are saying. Experienced teachers  lot of information. Not Only about your child s performance but also about what is expected of kindergarteners and first graders. In addition you will want to gather specific information about your child a skills and abilities. Numerous standardized tests Are designed to measure the skills of children who. Perform Well in the average first Grade a classroom7 a. A a Quot if test results and observations indicate your daughter. A has specific learning emotional or behavioural problems it is unlikely that retention alone would be a Good. Solution. Although such a student May appear successful for a Short while these children usually require additional help to overcome those problems. A Quot immature Quot is the description often Given to Young. Children who Are not performing As expected. Certainly some children could Benefit from another year in a readiness program before meeting the requirements of first Grade a for example those with Early birthdays and who Are Small for their age or those whose skill development could Benefit from another year. In each Case the child s individual characteristics must determine what is Best. The research on retention is inconclusive. There Are numerous individual stories of children who blossomed after remaining a second year at a particular Grade level and other stories of students who fared no differently. Before making this important decision take these. Steps a v a a a a. A a a. A a a a a a a have qualified school personnel or a private psychologist Complete a psych educational evaluation of your daughter. This will give you Basic information about your child s readiness emotional adjustment and. Behavioural maturity. A a a. A a observe the kindergarten and the next Grade level to learn what is expected academically and Behaviourally of the children. Ask the teachers what is expected of beginning first graders so you can judge your child s placement. A since your daughter will be taking part in a. Kindergarten program this summer ask that the final decision be delayed until the programs end. Children can make great gains in a few months. You also might have a Tutor work with her individually. By Betty Webb Gox news service too Many obligations too Little time. A few modern parents feel they have enough time or Energy for their children. In Many of today a families both Mother and a lather hold full time jobs those parents try to devote As much Quot Quality time Quot to their children As possible but by the end of a Long working Day Quot Quality time Quot tends to degenerate into Quot some other time in a too tired right  a a. A. A. A a a a in these situations both Parent and child get Short a changed ,. A. ,. ,. Says Counselor Cherri Grossenbacher of the a Maricopa county parental support Center in Arizona Quot one of the major problems in our hectic society is our deteriorating communication skills. We have a hard time just stopping and listening to each  Many parents that Grossenbacher sees Are under tremendous pressures so much so that they can no longer identify any one particular area that is stressing them. Quot their Day is just one big blur Quot she says. But As difficult As it seems even these Parent s can learn How to slow Down and spend More time with their children. To 7 do this. Proper time management is of the essence. Explains Grossenbacher Quot parents can to do everything readers action line requesting items at the commissary a i have just tilled out a commissary Patron suggestion form Tsa form 146-r, requesting several items that were previously stocked by our local commissary these items were discontinued without notice to the patrons. This is the third request form i have submitted. The past two were never acknowledged,.what is the purpose of these forms and the Catchy jingles used to promote them on an if they Are ignored by the commissary officer and staff a. A a the items that i would like the comte Essaiy to consider Are impossible to find on the local Economy due to the perishable nature of some of them i can t ask Tor them to be sent to me from the states will i just have to do. So they must learn to prioritize a. To learn the difference. Between the things that they d like to do As opposed to the things that they must  and one of those things that parents must do now is schedule time for family relationships. A Quot children tend to inherit the time that a leftover after work is out of the Way Quot says Grossenbacher Quot and that a not really fair to them make a list of tasks and jobs and a put blocks of time for the children on that list. That Way  know that they have a special time and place set aside just for them that is  Michael Tansy a marriage and family therapist at desert Vista Hospital in Mesa Ariz has dealt with these problem first hand. A. Both he and his wife Susan a clinical social worker without until i am Back in the states where there Are Quot real Quot supermarkets Inger c. Arky Augsburg Germany col. Sandra s. Whitt . Army troop support Agency european commissary Region replies we do not know what commissary you Are referring to in your letter but we recently reminded All our commissary officers of the importance of responding to Patron suggestion forms. Our policy is to answer these cards by phone or by letter within 72 hours of submission. Ait is possible that the item you Are seeking has not been discontinued but has been out of Stock. But without knowing what the item is it is impossible to say. Items Are discontinued when the sales done to warrant continued Stockage throughout our commissary system and Are usually replaced with new items that have proven their popularity in stateside civilian and military markets we Don t generally announce when items Are being. Deleted from our Stockage list because we have no Way have extremely Busy schedules yet they Stilt manage to spend blocks of time with their children a Sean 2, and. Katie 7. They schedule the time Quot the time Between 6 30 . And 9 00 . Is the most important part of our Day Quot says Tansy. Quot that is the time. We break bread together. We put the answering machine on Cook together and set the table together. During the meal we ask everyone How they spent their Day and listen when they describe it. W Quot and then Susan and i both participate in getting the children ready for bed. It is All very warm and  in some ways Tansy believes basically healthy. Families that Are always too Busy can begin to resemble dysfunctional families. 1 ,. Quot the family Structure starts to break Down a he says Quot and Basic maintenance tasks Are left undone. The kids done to get their Baths on time they done to get help with their Homework they done to get listened to. And while these families might not have a drinking or substance abuse problem no one s needs Are being met a just like in families where everyone is too Busy relating to a bottle instead of to each . W Tansy stresses that parents have needs too. Quot parents Arentt just parents Quot he says Quot they must remember that they Are a couple. To continually renew our own relationship my wife and i use a Sitter at least once a week. We go out to dinner just the two of us or take a Long walk and talk . Of determining exactly when our supplies will be depleted ,.,. We suggest that when an item that has been regularly stocked in your commissary Quot disappears Quot you ask the commissary officer or whoever is in charge whether it has been discontinued or is temporarily out of Stock. If it is simply out of Stock they should be Able to Tell you when additional shipments Are  write us readers action line is the readers Quot court of last resort Quot striving to answer some of the questions about life overseas in a military environment or questions about  guidelines when other avenues for answers Are not readily available. If you. Have a question and Don t know where to turn for the answer write to readers action line co the stars and stripes Apo 09211-4211. All letters must be signed and preference will be Given to those seeking information of general interest to our readers. Page 16 a the stars and stripes monday june 10, 1991