European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - September 7, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Saturday september 7,1991 the stars and stripes b Page 25commentaryu.s. Open loses this game at love Racket takes the fall for Ivan Lendl s mistake. I love the . Open. Its one of my favorite shows because Tennis players As a class kill me and Tennis As a game is a world of its own. It s not a game its a Tantrum. 1 Don t think you can play it unless your Teeth Hurt or you had a bad lunch. No one Ever looks As if he shaving any fun. Its played by a whole Bunch of Guys named Sven and Lars and Jarryd and girls who look As if they have lost their balloons but they already have their one line of perfume in the boutiques. It  its own rituals. For instances a the rackets red Glare Ever notice the Way a player studies his Racket As if it were a Road map and he were lost after even losing Point he stares at it fingers it glares at it. Or looks sad. As if the Racket a Ost the Point. Betrayed him. He looks As if he a trying to make up his mind whether to keep it or not. You might have heard at your grandfathers knee that its a poor Workman who blames his tools but Tenniss never heard of it or ignore it. They pretend to be studying the Racket for Breaks in the catgut but they re really probably trying to compose themselves. John Mcenroe takes no chances. When his Racket fails him. He smashes it. A eng Shah a remember when they used to Call wrestling the a Grunt and groan sport Well Tennis has supplanted it. Its doubtful if anyone Ever heard Bill Tilden or Helen wills Moody Grunt or groan but today a players sound As they re trying to lift pianos. I Don t know How much of a Strain it can be hitting a Tennis Ball i should judge about like swatting a Fly but the players sound like Guys competing in the clean and Jerk in the olympics or trying to hoist tires onto greyhound buses. If you closed your eyes when Monica Seles was on court and hitting a backhand you would think from the squeals she was opening a whole Bunch of wedding presents. Jose Canseco can hit a 5�?~/2-ounce baseball 500 feet without even breathing hard but Jimmy Connors has to Grunt and Strain like a weight lifter to hit a two ounce Tennis Ball 45 feet. A line Calls a there has never been a Correct line Call in the history of modern professional Tennis. They have six eight people stationed around the court monitoring them but to judge by the outbursts of the players every single one of them is either astigmatic myopic or Blind a or All three. You Are called upon not Only to impugn their eyesight but their ancestry. It is known As being a competitor. It should be known As being an intimidator. Jimmy Connors started it but Mcenroe and Hie Nas Tase raised it to an Art form. Tennis officials take More abuse than scullery maids a or umpires or Linesman in any other sport. They subscribe to the sports adage that nobody Ever bought a ticket to see you Umpire. Chair abuse was unknown in Amateur Days. In fact Tilden was known to swat a Ball out of Bounds to make up when an opponent got a bad Call. A whistle while you work Tennis fans jeer by a get this a whistling Between their Teeth. They sound like the seven dwarfs. Whatever happened to the Good old belly wrenching 200-Decibeljim Murray Bronx cheer the Raspberry the vicious snarling abuse from 50,000 throats indicating you have incurred their displeasure you whistle to Call your dog. Or a cab. You whistle Dixie. You Don t whistle when the officials Are picking on your poor Little Rich kids. You growl and Roar in the time honoured deep throated. All american boo anything else is Chicken. Can you imagine a super bowl crowd raising a High pitched Dainty whistle when the zebras Call Back a giant touchdown picture a Yankee stadium crowd whistling at an ump who Calls a Home run by Don Mattingly a foul Ball. Tennis fans sound like a Bunch of canaries. Real fans boo. A they get no respect y of can count on Andre Agassi seeded no. 8, getting ousted in straight sets by unseeded Aaron Krickstein As happened in the first round. Tennis is the last stand of bolshevism. It has no respect for aristocracy. A year ago Stefan Edburg was the Wimbledon Champion and had won three other championships and 21 straight matches when he came to the open and promptly got eliminated in the first round by Alexander Volkov. Monica Seles seeded no. 2, lasted one round before elimination by a nobody. If you want to see the great players at the open you have to come Early in the week. A the scoring a whatever happened to 1-23? a touchdown in football counts six Points a Basket in basketball counts two. But Tennis scoring is right out of a malice in  Why should one Point be 15, two Points be 30, three Points be 40 a and 40-40 be Deuce where else would a a love be a big nothing even the a a tiebreaker is a Miasma of two Point a must Quot increments that could itself go on All night. The Guy who wrote the Tennis scoring must he the same Guy who wrote the tax Laws. A the foreign legion baseball has dominicans All Over the place football has kickers from Cyprus but everybody else is named  but Tennis has More names that look As if they belong on czars or in operas instead of athletes. There Arentt enough americans in the seed for a Bridge game. You got a Boris Beckerat Ivan Len la Stefan Edburg and a Stefano Pescosolido whole Bunch of Javier and Diego a Dmitri or two Guys with a a Vonso or a a vans in their names almost As Many Sanchezs As the Barcelona phone Book. The women Arentt much different. The first five seeds come from Germany Yugoslavia Argentina Spain and the dominican Republic. It makes the world series look parochial. It s the greatest show in sports a even if you need headphones to understand it. The lot a Gatas Tom a Csc s Small base teams out of their depth to by Mike Bowers staff writer Sembach coach Ken fears says the Only difference Between big base american and Small base National league teams is depth. This is a bold statement coming from fears whose tigers 3-2 got mauled 470 by big base Ramstein 3-2 in Continental sports conference football last week. However fears still contends that big and Small bases Are evenly matched. A the Talent is basically the same Quot he said. A depth is the one difference. The big bases can afford to lose a key player. It won t severely affect their teams because they have several Quality players at each position. Its All based on  fears tigers serve As testimony for a team riddled with injuries to key people. Perhaps the most devastating is the loss of All Csc linebacker Dennis hues ton who suffered a season ending shoulder injury against Pitburg two weeks ago. Also sidelined is six year receiver Tony Langley who has a pulled hamstring. A chipped Bone in the leg has three year linebacker sly Phillips hoping to make it Back the playoffs. Ryan Gates the teams leading rusher for the last three years is a a probable for sundays game at Rhein main 3-2. Fears Wasny to optimistic about playing the rockets. A we Haven to been successful with them. Not at All a he said. A we re planning for our usual Tough meeting and do the Best with what we have a fears said. Ramstein 3-2on the other hand is a team that has stayed healthy and is producing some fat offensive numbers. In the last two games the ram offence has totalled 103 Points. Quite a difference for a team that Only scored 40 Points in the first two games. A we went Back to our Strong suit a said Ramstein coach Larry Boldin a your receivers. We have some of the Best in Safe and decided to put the Ball in their hands More often. A earlier in the year we tried to set up the passing game by Rushing. Once three year starting quarterback Bruce leg groan came off emergency leave we quickly changed and emphasized the pass a Boldin said. Leggroan has won All of his three starts and is tied for the league Lead with five touchdown passes. He is the Only Csc passer completing Over 50 percent of his throws. He does have five interceptions. Fight end George Barnes is one of the top five Csc receivers hauling in 18 catches for a 14.4 average. Robert Griffin is not far behind with 15 catches for a 13.1 average. Boldin s strategy seems to be working. He is even looking ahead. A a a Ell definitely be there to Challenge for the division and Csc  Boldin said. A a in a predicting Well be in a fight with Span Dahlem and Pitburg. A you can to count out Rhein main because they re the defending champions but for whatever the reasons they Arentt scoring Well. Their defense which is one of the Best is being forced to play too  Boldin also thinks the team that endures will have a definite advantage in this Long season. A whoever is smart or Lucky enough to stay healthy will fare Well in the playoffs a Boldin said. A i just Hope that we american league teams wont beat up on each other and Wear ourselves out for the  the rams should Breeze this weekend As they visit the wingless Oesterberg wolfhounds on saturday. Two weeks remain in Cross league play before the teams go Back to league play for the final three weeks of the regular season. All eight teams make the playoffs. The other saturday game features american league Leader Pitburg 4-1 visiting Hahn 1-4. Lindsey 3-2 travels to Span Dahlem 3-2 in sundays other game