European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - November 6, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse Wednesday november 6, 1991 the stars and stripes a Page 19 Ann Landers dear Ann Landers you have often addressed the subject of adopted children searching for their birth parents. A recent letter mentioned the cheap Media sensationalism covering these reunions and How some adoptive parents Are made to feel like a a interim parents waiting for a now mature birth Mother to show up. You said it is unfair to generalize about birth mothers that a Many suffer a lot when they give up their children. That statement is a Gross generalization in itself. Adoption does not always mean a cute cuddly 3-Day-old infant delivered into the arms of a waiting couple by a grieving but proud unwed teen Ager. Our adopted daughter who came to us when she was 4 years old was the victim of profound sexual abuse and severe neglect by both her parents. The difficulties in raising such a child Are enormous. Many have emotional physical and neurological problems As Well As learning disabilities which Are often the result of drug abuse during pregnancy. What am i going to Tell my daughter now 7, when she starts to ask questions about her a a real Mother and father so far in be explained that not All parents Are Able to care for and love a child and that its better to find a Mommy and daddy who can. That Story will do for a while but before Long she a going to ask questions that demand specific answers. Should i Tell her that her parents lost three other children to the courts and never bothered to try to get them Back that they sneaked out of town one step ahead of the Law and have been on the run Ever since what is my child going to find if she begins a search for her birth parents they could be dead from a drug overdose or in jail. Could she Ever Hope to understand today s crossword dear Abby dear Abby i read a letter in your column in the Portland oregonian that Shook me up. It was from a woman who said that her husband had had a physical every year since 1971, checked out 100 percent a then out of the Blue he was diagnosed As having inoperable prostate cancer no one had told him that if his father or a brother had had prostate cancer he should take a spa blood test. After i read this in your column i wrote a get this on the column and handed it to my husband because his brother has had prostate cancer. So with no symptoms my husband took the spa test and was found to have Early prostate cancer thank god for that letter a and thank you Abby for publishing it. I had copies made and sent them to All my male relatives. I even posted one on the bulletin Board at our club. You May use my name. Bobbi mrs. Fred Jackson South Beach Ore. Or Cope with knowing what kind of people they really were in be Given this dilemma a great Deal of thought and have concluded that for these kids no answer is the Best answer and no search is by far the Best option. I am not signing my name for obvious reasons. Sacramento Parent dear Sac As you probably know i do not recommend these searches based on the heartbreaking experiences i be been privy to Over the years. In All fairness however i should Tell you that some searches have resulted in Happy reunions. As for what to Tell your daughter when she gets old enough to become profoundly inquisitive the naked truth is always better than the Best dressed lie. Dear Ann Landers this problem has been bothering me for a Long time and i really do need an unbiased Point of View. A member of our family always shows up at funerals with a camera. She is constantly clicking away getting close ups of people who Are grieving. The More dramatic the situation the better she likes it. I have never seen anyone do this Ann. It seems like an outrageous invasion of privacy not to mention poor taste. What do you think about this am 1 being Overly critical because i done to like her please respond in print. In a from Missouri dear Missouri that family member should be told in very Plain language that a funeral is not an appropriate occasion to indulge in her Hobby. Since you Are the one who was annoyed enough to write to me i suggest that you do the honors. C creators Syndicate inc. Dear Bobbi. Thank you for permitting me to use your name. For those readers out there who want to know a the name of the blood test is a Prostatic specific and for those who need a nudge in the right direction a read on dear Abby this is a Story about two men. One of them is my Friend who went to his doctor for his regular physical examination. An elevated blood count indicated hat he needed further testing and As suspected it was found he had two cancerous polyps on his prostate. They were removed by a simple surgical procedure. Prognosis he will probably live a Normal life. The other one is my brother who had ample warning of the same problem for a year but who kept putting off a visit to the doctor until it became absolutely necessary. By then the cancer had spread through his system and he required Radical and painful surgery. Prognosis we buried him last week and it was so unnecessary. Please excuse the tear stains 1 miss my brother. 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