European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - December 14, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse Ann Landers dear Ann Landers i was a single Parent for 10 years and remarried eight years ago. 1 am the Mother of an 18-year-old boy who is troubled to put it mildly at age 4, a a Vince witnessed his aunt s death in a head on car collision on easter sunday. A year later the most important Mph in his life his Grandfather died suddenly of heart failure. His own father committed suicide when the boy was 12. He had a very unhappy childhood. My current husband and Vince never got along. Vince moved out the Day he turned 18. He attends High school full time and works part time. He has had 12 jobs in the last two years and gone to three therapists. He quit therapy because As he put it a they May be helping you mom but they Arentt doing a thing for several months ago a girl i never heard of called to say that she was seven months pregnant and that my son was the father. When i told him about the Call he blew up and denied it. A few weeks ago the baby was born a a Beautiful Little girl. Against the advice of family and friends i went to see this precious Little one. One look convinced me that she was indeed Vince a child. My son is just starting out on his own and struggling. He lives on $800 a month. Two thirds of his income comes from a social Security death Benefit that will last until he is 19 or out of High school. Having been a single Parent myself and receiving not a dime of child support i know firsthand what it is like to try to raise a child alone. If it had not been for my parents i would never have made it. My son refuses to talk about the situation. He says it dear Abby dear Abby Over a year ago my husband lost his Job of 21 years when his company was sold. This last year has been the most grueling sad year of our lives. It has brought a drastic change in our lifestyle the threat of losing our Home of 20 years lower grades for my children and a Host of other traumas. But one of the most painful realities has been the Lack of support from my friends a wives of highly paid businessmen. I never dreamed my a friends would be so ignorant of the realities of unemployment. My husbands friends have been terrific. They Call often circulate his resume take him out to lunch. Except for two or three my friends have ignored the situation As if i have a contagious disease. To the Many women who Are not in the business world i would like to share these thoughts. Please 1. Call the families of the unemployed often. The spouse needs to know that someone is there for her. 2. Done to try to find reasons Why the person was fired. In the majority of cases they did nothing wrong. 3. Done to suggest she and her husband a go out to Din saturday december 14, 1991 is hard for him to say a my meanwhile there have been no blood tests to determine parentage one Way or the other. I have met the Mother and she is a Lovely person. She says i can see the baby any time i want and be a part of her life. My son is not pleased about this. Family and friends advise me not to push my son into accepting this child until there Are blood tests to prove that she is his. Ann i Don t know what to do. In be been on both sides of the Fence. How do i live with myself if i done to help care for my own grandchild my husband has told me that he and i will not be financially responsible in any Way shape or form. I done to work and am financially dependent on him. 1 am Back in school to become a teacher so i will be Able to earn my own income. I know this is a Long letter and it reads like a soap opera but i need some advice on How to proceed. Should i see the baby and be part of her life if everyone around me says no and what about my son i done to want to alienate him. If i pursue this what Are the consequences please advise me. In a beside myself with worry. Sad in Arizona dear Arizona the first thing that needs to be done is a blood test to determine whether or not Vince is the father of that child. If he is he must give the child smother financial support. What else he wants to do after that is up to him. It sounds As if you be already fallen in love with the baby which seems to be a big part of the problem. If the blood tests prove that Vince is indeed the father he had better shape up and kick in with child support and treat this Little girl like a daughter. If he is not the father you had better Back off too. C creator Syndicate Nero to cheer up. They have no Money. 4. Do invite them to your House even though they May not be Able to reciprocate for a while. 5. Done to suggest counselling just because they Are unhappy. Of course they Are unhappy a it is a sad time. People in this situation need friends not Counselor. 6. Do ask if you can circulate the husbands resume. Remember less than 10 percent of jobs Are received through ads. Most Are received through networking. 7. Most of All remember just because your friends Are wearing Nice clothes or living in a Nice House does not mean they Are not hurting. In our Case we Haven t purchased anything except food in a year. Needed House repairs have been put on hold. Just because i done to look like a homeless person does t mean in a not poor the unemployed need your support to get them through these hard times. Please pick up the phone and Call someone today. Someone who a been there dear been there in a printing your letter because it Speaks to everyone a and very eloquently. It addresses the Issue of loyalty among friends. Bad Luck is not contagious. Apathy is. 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