European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - February 15, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Ann Landers dear Ann Landers i left my husband three months ago. We have two Small children who Are staying with me at my mothers. My husband and i love each other very much and have a close relationship when things Are Good but every one or two months we will have a blowup which ends with screaming name calling and throwing dishes skillets or whatever is Handy. Nothing gets resolved but i feel that it is damaging for our children to see this kind of behaviour. I should also Tell you he drinks and smokes pot occasionally but he has never hit me. Now we Are both in therapy. He is attending anger management classes and i am seeing a separate Counselor. Here is the problem we were advised to live apart for six months in order to sort out our feelings. This seems sensible to me. My husband thinks it s ridiculous. He says that since he is willing to get help i should move Back Home so we can continue our lives together. I feel since we have been seeking advice from professionals we should listen to them and stay apart for the six months. There is a lot Worth saving in our marriage Ann. He says he will do everything the Counselor have suggested except this. Please give us your thoughts. . I should Tell you we were married very Young both of us in our teens which May be part of the problem. We were too Young to comprehend the responsibilities of marriage. Confused but hopeful new Jersey dear new Jersey i agree that living apart for six months is a Good idea. I urge your husband to accept this decision. It will pay off in the Long run. Good Luck and congratulations dear Abby dear Abby an aunt of mine died recently. She had a will in which she stated that everything she owned should go to me. Several people who had Given my aunt gifts Over the years have asked for their gifts Back. Do you consider this proper behaviour i say  my son says  we will respect your judgment. Loraine in san Angelo Texas dear Loraine i agree with your son. Once a gift is Given it becomes the property of the person to whom it was Given. Had your aunt wanted those gifts returned to the givers she would have made that stipulation in her will. Dear Abby is it wrong for a person to want to open his own quibble that u As a fort qui66lev Tou cake Doum there lire a real pro. I loved the u few stat you Mit those turns and used the slope. It wow t be lome it until you Are am saturday february 15, 1992 to you both for seeking help. . If he a getting Good counselling the pot and booze will be looked into. Neither helps relationships dear Ann Landers i read with interest your recent columns addressing the welfare system. I commend you for your fairness. As the assistant Secretary for children and families within the . Department of health and human services i am responsible for administering our nations welfare programs. We provide assistance to families who have no other Means of support. However As Many of your readers have noted some have made welfare a Way of life. Others have abused the system and created resentment among taxpayers. The Good news is that things Are changing. As a result of the family support act of 1988, Congress and the administration have mandated that each year an increasing number of welfare recipients must participate in work programs in order to receive benefits. Though much must be done to effect real change in the welfare system we Are moving Forward. This should be heartening for american families who Are struggling to be self sufficient. Joanne b. Barnhart department of health and human services Washington d c. Dear Joanne Barnhart thanks or the update. Its Good for the beleaguered taxpayers to know that some changes Are being made. I can Tell you the resentment against welfare recipients is enormous. Too often they Are perceived As loafers and freeloaders. When the taxpayers learn that More welfare recipients Are participating in work programs there will be much less anger and hostility. C creators Syndicate mail i am a 57-year-old Man married to the same woman for 35 years. My wife opens letters that come to our House addressed to me. When i complain she insists that it is her a a rights to open my mail. Then she says a if you have nothing to hide Why should you care if 1 open your mail a Abby i have never Given my wife any reason to believe i fool around. I am Home every night do not frequent bars and i have nothing to hide. I do attend seminars out of town for the company i work for but i am gone Only two or three nights once a year. Please answer this in your column but do not use my name initials or City. Thank you. Straight Arrow dear straight Arrow opening mail addressed of another a spouse or not a without permission is inexcusable. Everyone married or single has a right to his or her privacy. And you have every right to insist upon yours. 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