European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - June 6, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse                                A tie in his Fly and Ether embarrassing moments wrong reaction to red faced situations can Cost More than your composure by James l. Eng the associated press put yourself in the shoes her pants a of the foreign Diplomat who while getting up to leave an afternoon reception noticed his Fly was partially unzipped he sheepishly retreated to the Couch to zip up but in the process caught his tie in his Fly. The hostess noticing something amiss offered her help. The Diplomat not wanting to draw attention to his predicament shooed her away. The Diplomat resumed efforts to untangle himself. But with every Jerk of his head the knot tightened and his face turned Blue. A crowd gathered around him. Finally the hostess got a pair of scissors and snipped off the tie. As the Diplomat rushed out the door a piece of the cloth wafted through the air. Word of the diplomats social calamity spread rapidly throughout the Community. People who were introduced to him instantly gazed Down at his infamous Fly. The ramifications become so embarrassing that the Diplomat s Host country eventually recalled him. When a Diplomat becomes a figure of fun he becomes useless Quot said Edward Gross a University of Washington emeritus professor of sociology Quot they gave him a Job where no one would Ever see him again Quot Gross is writing a Book on embarrassment in America and the diplomats predicament is but one of the More Ihnn 3.000 boy was my face red incidents he has compiled and Analysed during 27 years of research More mundane instances Range from Public drunkenness to socks that Don t match. Quot what it comes Down to in the most general sense is that embarrassment refers to a situation in which sore Inadequacy is exposed to Public gaze Quot Gross explained. Exposure is the key  disgraced television evangelist Jimmy Swaggart for example probably Felt shame for his adulterous Liaison with a prostitute Gross said. But that shame turned to embarrassment when the Public found out. Derived from the French word embarrassed meaning to Stop or obstruct Gross says embarrassment is a Universal uniquely human response with telltale physiological characteristics. Quot when you re embarrassed you be committed some kind of Public Gaffe Quot he said. Quot something casts doubt on your ability to perform. Others Are looking at you. What you need then is to  so As blood rushes to the brain your Knees shake. Your stomach tightens. Your face turns red. You sweat and drool. Such a Quot massive reaction 1 Gross said indicates embarrassment and it played no trivial role in the evolution of the human species. Quot it s some sort of signal in which tie victim is in effect saying to other people a in a in trouble. Please help to Quot tie said Judith Marlin who As the incomparably Correct miss manners dispenses indispensable advice on such things labels embarrassment a socially useful tool that helps reinforce proper standards of behaviour Quot the proper use of embarrassment is As a conscience of manners. As your conscience might trouble you if you do anything immoral your sense of embarrassment should be activated if you do anything unman Nerly Quot miss manners writes in her guide to excruciatingly Correct behaviour. Gross said embarrassment can be damaging a it interrupts what a going on. Like the soloist who forgets his part during a musical performance. A it destroys reputations. Just ask the Diplomat. A people avoid doing things because they re afraid of pro Feasor Edward Gross says embarrassment is a uniquely human Call for help. Being embarrassed. Gross cites an extreme example of Man who got a piece of meat caught in his Throat instead of asking for help he insisted to his guests that he would be of and left the table. He was found dead a half hour later on the bathroom floor having choked to death. Quot he was unable to dislodge it Quot Gross said. Quot he did t want to Embarrass other people. Its tragic what people will do to avoid  sometimes embarrassment is beyond repair. Consider president Bush throwing up in the Lap of the japanese prime minister during a state dinner. Quot was there anything he could have done to mitigate this i doubt it Quot Gross said. Quot vomiting in our society is one of the kinds of embarrassment that can Only be handled by  Martin agrees the situation was out of the realm of Rescue. Quot that one was beyond embarrassment Quot she said. Quot nobody said a gee he should have done this he Shoul have done  Martin said Bush did Well to mitigate the situation by joking about it later. In grave situations she noted laughter Isnit always inappropriate. She cites the Case of a Well endowed woman in a strapless dress attending a Quot highly proper Quot Boston dinner party. The woman slipped Slid across the floor be face first into a bowl of guacamole dip and in the process Quot popped out Quot of her top. The humiliating episode Drew howls of laughter from Many in the room prompting one guest troubled by afterthoughts to write to miss manners asking whether laughing was a proper response to Quot something like  miss manners wrote Back Quot what do you mean a something like that a miss manners doubts that there is anything in the world like an elegantly dressed bostonian lurching across the room and diving face first into a bowl of guacamole dip while simultaneously disengaging her bodice from her  she elaborated to a reporter in a Telephone interview Quot my feeling was that s exactly what to do. If something is outrageous enough and you have the Grace to go with if you Are sometimes better off than if you attempt an extremely elaborate cover up which does t work. Quot suppose president Bush had leaned Down and tried to throw up under the Tablecloth. It would t have worked trying to be inconspicuous about it would have been totally  As for the flabbergasted tie in Zipper Diplomat Gross said the Man should have tried to make Light of the situation and reduce its significance Quot instead of trying to get away with  Quot a Diplomat who should be a Cool and in command should have quietly called for a pair of scissors and Cut himself Loose and slipped out the Side door As fast As he could Quot Gross said. Quot chances Are some people would have known about it others would t  Quot to sympathize with the poor Man Quot added Martin. This is one of those things where your mind is not really functioning. But his government might have a Point. If your mind does t function in an extreme and unusual crisis maybe you done to belong in that line of work. Tips for dodging disgrace Edward Gross a University of Washington emeritus professor writing a Book on embarrassment offers these methods to keep from disgracing yourself a prevention Gross cites the example of a University of Washington official who accidentally knocked Over a cup of Coffee onto a blueprint of a 10-year University plan wiping out the stadium gym and everything else. Quot if you know you Are going to make a presentation for goodness Sake done to have a cup of Coffee silting in front of you Quot Gross says a reduce the significance of embarrassment. Gross recites the Case of a 4-year-old boy who fell off the toilet seat and got wedged Between the toilet and Wall. He looked up with rather plaintive eyes  baby Sitter and said Quot that s my favorite thing to  a try to change the meaning of what happened Gross says his name is potentially full of embarrassment until he tells people it comes from a German word meaning Quot important Quot or  a manage your identity Quot you can say it s not the real me Quot Gross says. President Reagan was a master at this he says assuming the identity of a comic Bumble to cover up flubs a enlist the help of another person in overcoming the situation if a guest spills wine on the Tablecloth Gross says Quot the hostess can reduce the individual s embarrassment by deliberately invoking his assistance in cleaning it