European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - November 16, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Page 20 the stars and Stripe monday november 16,1992 Stepmom abused by 15-year-old dear Ann Landers we hear a lot about child abuse and the sad plight of teen age runaways. Rut no one says much about parental abuse. My husbands 15-Ycar-old daughter lives with us. We took her in several years ago when she could t get along with her Mother and begged to live Here. We welcomed her with open arms and were Happy to have her because we thought it would be wonderful for All of us. Wrong. Quot Ellie Quot has made our lives hell for nearly three years. She curses at me and Calls me names when i ask her to help around the House. She goes into screaming rages hits me spits at me and makes degrading remarks in front of family and friends. Done to suggest counselling. The therapist discharged her for refusing to cooperate. Sending her Back to her Mother is out. Her Mother is fed up and refuses to have anything to do with her. Boarding school is not an option. We can to afford it. We have received extensive counselling on How to handle Ellie but nothing works. I used to feel sorry for teens whose parents kicked them out but now in a not so Quick to pass judgment. Can you help us ., new Orleans dear  Elites bad behaviour could be caused by a physiological or psychological problem. Have you had her tested if not i recommend it. Perhaps she needs to be on medication. Meanwhile you and your husband should try another  Landers have you conferred with her teachers apparently Ellie does no to behave this Way in school or they  keep her. Find out what she responds to. Ask for help. Try everything. If readers who have been through this have some suggestions id like to hear them. Dear Ann Landers i am a married woman with three children but when my Mother age 68, comes to visit us she makes me feel like a 6-Ycar-old. Mom lives on the other coast. She visits once a year for two weeks. I love her dearly and we get along Well but she a the takeover Type and sometimes its very irritating. For example within two hours of her arrival mom is rearranging the furniture cleaning out the Bird Cage going through the Linen closet tossing out slightly frayed towels and announcing Quot these Are cleaning  she then goes to the refrigerator and asks Quot How old is this tuna salad who bought these bruised peaches when did you last defrost Quot my children adore mom and my husband thinks she a terrific. But i wish she would treat me like an adult. In Man Only child. Maybe that a the problem. Can you suggest something i might say or do to assert my Independence Molly in Massachusetts dear Molly your Mother is too old to Send Back for alterations. She a not going to change so accept her As she is. After she leaves you can move the Fri mature Back the Way it was. Its a Small Price to pay for peace. . What i  give to have my Mother around to rearrange the Fri mature. Loners Loann Landers should to addressed to her at . Box 11562, Chicago Iii. 60611-0562. C creators Syndicate others asked to stay out of her hair dear Abby i have a Bone to pick with you. You said there was nothing wrong with taking a Little boy to the Barl a shop and having the Barber give him a real boys haircut when his parents were on vacation. The boy was left in the care of his grandmother i think moms should be the ones to decide How Long their Little boys hair should be and Jand parents should refrain rom interfering. I kept my songs hair in Long Shoular length curls until he was in first Grade because 1 thought it was so Beautiful 1 dear  Bear to Cut it. 1 always Abby took him to my Beauty parlor to have his hair Cut and curled even after he was in elementary school. The Only time he Ever looked like a Little girl was when he was being punished and made to Wear a Little Uirl a dress until he agreed to behave belter. This kind of punishment worked for me a whole lot better than spankings and scolding. By the time he was a teenager he was a very polite and Well trained Young Man. I am proud to say that he has never been a problem for me. He still wears his hair in Waves and listens to his mom. Proud of Sonny . The first thing i did after i got married was to get my husband to let his hair grow so i could give him a curly Perm. He had the prettiest dark Brown curls in town for nearly 20 years and knows better than to even think about going to a Barbershop. Dear mom your letter was most unusual and in a glad your son turned out so Well. But your method of disciplining him curled my hair. To punish a child by humiliating him and forcing him to Wear a dress could have had serious emotional repercussions and i would be curious to know what he thought of it a now that he san adult. Sonny lot tors Tor this column should be addressed to dear Abby at . Box 447, mount Morris Iii. 61054. 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