European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - January 23, 1993, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Waiting and 0 0 a a 0 overseas military families Are learning How to handle w0111 new world order deployments by Effii Bat Hen staff writer ust Pray and be Strong and your husband will be Home soon. This is the advice army wife Sheila Richards of Mannheim Germany has for the hundreds of people whose husbands or wives have. Deployed to the world s trouble spots in recent months. Military families Are no strangers to Long separations but since the persian Gulf crisis they be had to do a lot of growing up. That was the first major deployment in which families stationed in Europe remained there. It is Normal for units to be gone for weeks at a time on routine missions such As Field training exercises or sea duty. But increasingly real world missions such As operations provide Comfort provide Promise and restore Hope have meant a new reality for dependents left to tend Hearth and Home. On the second anniversary of the persian Gulf crisis this week hundreds of european based families find that their soldiers airmen and sailors Are on duty with operations in Turkey Croatia Somalia and elsewhere. According to military officials about 690 Scricc members arc deployed in support of provide Comfort i in Turkey about 370 Ore with provide Promise in Croatia and about 760 Are with restore Hope in Somalia. Richards husband Paul a Chinook helicopter flight Engineer deployed to Somalia just before new year s eve. He is with the 502nd aviation Root s co d. A staff sergeant Paul Richards had also served for nearly two months in Turkey in support of operation provide Comfort More than a year ago. Quot then i did t know what to expect Quot Sheila Richards said although she had been an army wife for a dozen years. But she has grown to expect anything. Quot i know pretty much How to handle it now. I m  Quot babe you know when you first came into the military you signed those papers you know what it meant. You gotta go Quot she said to her husband and they both agreed. Although Paul Richards has returned to Germany Sheila says that she does t know where hell go next but wherever it is she s ready to accept it. Quot the desert shield and storm was a big reality Check Quot says pm Friedlein whose husband Michael also deployed to Somalia. He is commander of the 4th Mobile Aerial port so an air mobility come unit based at Rhein main a  but Why does my husband have to deploy Quot she said she heard Many wives ask then. Many people had enlisted in the military for educational benefits to travel or in some cases to get off the streets Quot they got a real Eye opener to know that defense and peace Are not cheap Quot says Friedlein whose husband was among the first to leave for International operations in the former soviet Union and in Croatia in addition to saudi Arabia. From Somalia he wrote Quot they Tell me this in t hell but you sure can see it from  admits that she would like to have a husband with an 0-to-5 Job Quot but it s reality Check time  there Are still the tears when they go but those left behind Are doing better this Lime around she said. A lot of lessons were Learned during the Gulf crisis and people Learned to be resourceful and self reliant. Those who fared the Best on the european Home front were those who kept Busy and reached out to others. For those who told Friedlein that they were going to stay Home and focus on their children she said Quot i Don t think that was the right  she also saw those Thosas Jim do mum Henry Hernandez is temporarily a single Parent. It s Quot reality Check time Quot says pm Friedlin. Sas Ellio do lion returned to the states at that time As Quot running away from the  those who Are most info tried she said Are those who keep in touch with their unit s Quot top  thatus the equivalent of a first sergeant or whom army people Call Quot top Quot and those in the Navy Call master chief. During the Gulf crisis Many spouses did t know How to do things like handle finances or even drive. Some family members were from a third culture and did t know much English. Some had t even received their household goods when their serve remembers left for a combat zone. Quot they grew up Quot said Howard Harshaw chief of policy for family matters for the . Air Force in Europe. At the family support centers during the Gulf crisis Quot the phones were ringing off the Hook Quot said Harshaw., each service developed a safety net of programs that gave information and support. Now those programs Are in place and family assistance officials say they Are on top of things. Redeployment briefings gave people a checklist of things to watch out for and let them Enow where to go when there was a problem. Peer assistance was most effective in helping people Deal with the trials of managing by themselves Harshaw said. Lists were set up of volunteers who could do things like Trade baby sitting give rides and help yith car breakdowns. So called chains of concern or informal support groups were established for wives and husbands both on and off base. Often boyfriends or girlfriends with no official connection to the military were invited to join in As were families of civilians. /. Financial assistance and counselling helped those whose already tight budgets were aggravated by the absence of breadwinners. Before they deployed some service members held two jobs or juggled childcare responsibilities. The loss of dollars earned by moonlighting or the extra costs for child care put some people in a real bind. One thing family and Community service volunteers Hope to help people avoid Are the shockingly High Telephone Bills that some ran up during the earlier deployments. Many people ran up phone Bills of $1,000 or More. During recent deployments although fewer people Are involved Many people Are turning to Community support services because of their increased visibility. Denise sleek has been an air Force wife for 15 years but still Learned something new at a recent deployment seminar. He husband Monty is a technical sergeant for the special tactics so at Raf Alconbury North of London she had come to terms with the dangers of his Parachute Rescue work. But since their arrival in England last september he has deployed twice. They were first assigned to Raf Woodbridge and he was there for 30 Days. Then he deployed for provide Comfort for 60 Days. Then he returned for 30 before deploying again to Turkey for 30 Days. Then they were reassigned to Raf Alconbury. In the seminar she Learned about a Cycle of emotions or phases that Many family members experience when the service member is away on temporary assignment a anger a Why me a denial a of no they won t go thet it Lane i Quot Rea a i can t Cope a handling the children by myself is too much. The car will break Down. It will be too overwhelming. A acceptance a i can handle it. A reunion a dealing with coming Home giving up self Reliance. Quot i Learned that what i was feeling was of. It was Normal Quot said sleek. But now she says she wants to kno How to Deal with the reaction of her two daughters ago and 6. Quot where does my daddy live now when s he going to come visit again Quot her youngest once asked her. The Impact of these prolonged separations on children is something that officials say they still need to look into. Also the Quot am i the Only one Quot reaction is increasingly important since in operations like the one in Somalia specialists Are deployed in in ones or twos. For Henry Hernandez of Wiesbaden Germany the new reality Nas him at Home caring for his three children. His wife Julia is a clerk who deployed in mid december to Zagreb Croatia with the 212th Mash a Mobile Hospital unit. Quot i m or. Mom Quot said Hernandez a 28-year-old construction worker who has had to defer getting a Job because he can t afford to pay Day care costs for three children. With Andreas 2, armard 5, and Adrian 7, he has to keep up with schedules for a toddler a part time. Kindergarteners and a full time first grader. So far he s had to learn to Wash clothes spend All Day cleaning up Cook a 12-Pourid Turkey for the holidays a and keep laughing. Quot i never thought that it was a full time Job Quot he admits. Quot i used to think it was nothing. Now i m sorry i Ever said  worried about his wife and with his hands full Hernandez also has concerns about his parents who lived just outside of Homestead fab Fla. He was with them the night in Early november when Hurricane Andrew demolished their House. He wanted to stay to help rebuild but rushed to Germany when his wife found out about her deployment to War torn Croatia. He says that he s not too Happy about his situation but understands because he once was a Soldier. Expecting that his wife will return in about five months he said Quot i m one who can Deal with  a amps Jim Der Helm a Somalia bound Soldier says his goodbyes. A amps Jim do Holm Yolanda Harris above an sons David 3, and Travis 2, attend departure ceremonies for her husband s unit left in Wiesbaden Germany spec. Mark Harris was bound for Somalia. 18 the stars and stripes ,l�93 6as eff Bathon the stars and stripes 19