European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - July 24, 1993, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Teens who snooze away the summer May have Good reason by Beth Shirman  ollege Junior Eric punched out Nis alarm clock the other Day. Now it s broken and he can lie in bed until noon or 1 or 2. Quot it drives me crazy says his Mother. Quot when my husband and i were younger we had responsibilities. If we had to be somewhere at 7 a.m., we were there but the whole House could Burn Down and Eric would sleep through  Eric who is 20, has a simple explanation. Quot it s summertime Quot he says. Quot i stay out late. I need More  it s a simple equation. Unlimited free time plus no steady Job equals hours of time in the sack for hundreds of High school teen agers and College kids who Are Home for the summer. Add two a hardworking Early rising parents and you be got one explosive situation. Quot most adults have a Puritan work ethic that says you re supposed to get up and work and do something productive Quot says Robert Sherman a family therapist in new York City. Quot they look at a sleeping kid and think you re wasting your life Quot studies show however that teen agers May need More sleep than they re. Getting. In a recent study of 3,000 High. School students two thirds of those surveyed reported that they weren getting enough sleep. A Quot teen agers need about nine and a half hours of sleep a night about two hours More than adults / says Mary Carskadon a Chron biologist at the sleep research Laboratory at Bradley Hospital in East Providence . Quot if teens Are constantly sleep deprived during the year it can take several weeks to  Many teen agers who Don t get enough Steep during the year May try to make up for it during the summer. Parents might wish that kids make up the sleep differential by going to bed earlier and rising earlier. But a Young person s social Lifa often does t mesh with that scenario. Still experts say there is Hope for thwarting the sleep the Day away syndrome. The first step is for parents to examine their own attitudes. Some adults keep their frustration to themselves because they re afraid of alienating their children Over a minor annoyance. Others blame themselves feeling that if they were better parents their kids would get up and act  in a worst Case scenario parents take this personally and believe the child is doing it just to spite them Quot says Bernard Katz a new York psychologist. Quot the truth of the matter is that children sometimes need to refuel. They feel they be worked hard in school taken their exams studied for the sats and now they want to get Back to the womb and be a kid  often experts say oversleeping is merely an excuse children use to test parental boundaries. Quot teens want to see How far they can go what they can get away with Quot says Susanne Bleiberg Seperson a professor of sociology at Dowling College in Oakdale . Quot staying up All night is a sign of adulthood. It Means you re not a baby anymore. You Don t need to go to sleep at a specific hour. You Don t need to Wake up at a certain  psychologists say it s important to look at How frequently a child oversleep. If it Only occurs on weekends they say perhaps part and let children rest in peace. But of it Arents should try to Overlook it happens nearly every Day it May be cause for concern. Since Many Young people Are blithely unaware of How irksome their behaviour can be it s important to discuss it with them once the kids have finally stumbled out of bed and Are sitting Glassy eyed in the Kitchen. Quot i Don t think my Mother really cares if i sleep late. She never wakes me up a says Lainie Wiletsky 20, of Commack ., whose part time baby sitting Job does t Start until 3 30 p.m., and who has been known to stay under the covers until Early afternoon. Her Mother Laura Beju to differ. She usually tries Subtle hints to get Lainie up such As a timely Wake up phone Call placed during lunch hour at work. But sometimes the Silencer on the phone is on or Lainie fails to hear the singing and sleeping Beauty rests undisturbed. Quot it s very frustrating Quot says Laura Wiletsky. Quot i m at work half a Day and she s still sleeping Quot unfortunately psychologists say indirect tactics Don t usually work. Neither does Yelling or screaming instead experts say the Best route is to set limits dearly and calmly. If you be Given children a curfew during the school year Counselor say perhaps you should reinstate it during the summer some kids Are in bed earlier and can Rise earlier too. Getting some Good out of a bad influence the new York times All children Are subject to social pressures but they Don t always know How to seek help. Films like heathers Boyz n the Hood and some kind of wonderful All of which Are available on videotape can be excellent jumping off Points for talking with teen agers about inappropriate friendships and the Power of peer influence. Parents can help children explore the pressures the characters feel and discuss now the choices they make affect their lives. Here Are some things to keep in mind when talking to children about friendships that might Lead to problems a set limits on behaviour not on people. Quot if you Tell your children not to hang out with someone you re fighting a losing Battle Quot said or. Tom Dishion a psychologist at the Oregon social learning Center in Eugene. A Quot instead talk about the specific Behaviours you Don t want them to do such As going to an unsupervised party or hanging  the  a respect your teen Ager s improved ability to think. Nothing will alienate an adolescent faster than the feeling that you re talking Down to him or her. Teen agers Are rightfully proud of their new found abilities to think about Complex social and personal problems. Quot make Clear what your attitudes and standards for behaviour Are Quot said or. Thomas j. Berndt a professor of psychological sciences at Purdue University in West Lafayette ind. Quot but listen to what she has to say As Well so that you re not treating her As if she were  despite their improved ability to reason adolescents still have difficulty envisioning consequences of their current behaviour. It s better to focus on the immediate outcomes of problem behaviour like being embarrassed in front of friends than on the possible Long term consequences like not getting into College. A discuss other ways your child can experience new things and meet new friends. Look for Safe ways your child can Experiment with different lifestyles. Some of the Best after school programs like sports teams and drama groups a help adolescents bolster their self esteem through organized and adult supervised activities. On the family action not anger key to discipline q s what is the most common error Mads by parents in disciplining their children a in in my opinion it is the inappropriate use of anger in attempting to control boys and girls. There is no More ineffective method of influencing human beings of All Ages than the use of irritation and anger. Nevertheless most adults rely primarily on their own emotional response to secure the cooperation of children. Consider your own motivational system. Suppose you Are driving your automobile Home from work and you exceed the Speed limit by 40 Mph. Standing on the Street Comer is a Lone policeman who has not been Given the Means to arrest you. He has no squad car or motorcycle wears no badge carries no gun and can write no tickets. All he is commissioned to do is stand on the curb and scream insults As you Speed past. Would you slow Down just because he shakes his fist to protest of course not you might wave to him As you Streak by. His anger would achieve Little except to make him appear comical and foolish. On the other hand nothing influences the Way a Motorist drives More than seeing a Black and White vehicle in hot Pursuit with red lights flashing. When both have stopped a dignified courteous patrolman approaches the Drivers window. He is 6-foot-9, has a voice Ike the Lone Ranger and carries a sawed off Shotgun on each hip. Quot sir Quot he says firmly but politely Quot our radar unit indicates you were travelling 65 Miles per hour in a 25-mile per hour zone May i see your Drivers License please Quot he opens his Book of citations and leans toward you. He has revealed no hostility and offers no criticisms yet you immediately go to pieces. You Fumble nervously to locate the Small document in your Wallet Why Are your hands moist your Mouth dry your heart thumping because the course of action that Forceman is about to take is notoriously unpleasant alas it is his action that dramatically affects your future driving habits. Disciplinary action influences behaviour anger does not i am convinced that adult anger produces a destructive kind of disrespect in the minds of our children. They perceive our frustration is caused by our inability to control the situation. We represent Justice to them yet we look foolish As we flan the air with our hands and shout empty threats and warnings. I am not recommending that parents conceal their legitimate emotions from their children. I am not suggesting that we be Bland and unresponsive robots who hold everything inside. There Are times when children become insulting or disobedient and our irritation is appropriate in fact it should be revealed or else we appear phony and unreal. My Point is merely that anger often becomes a tool used consciously for the purpose of influencing behaviour. It is ineffective and can be damaging to the relationship Between generations. O is in a it 0 4 s i r s i i \ a it a focus on the family . Box 444 Colorado Springs Colo. 60303. 20 saturday july 24,1993 the stars and stripes