European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - August 10, 1993, Darmstadt, Hesse Tuesday August 10, 1993 e commentary the stars and stripes Page 15 to face tangled views on Gays Jill Lawrence in the vast Middle Between voices insisting on Gay rights now and Gay rights never Are millions of people who remind Paulette Good Tan and Shirley Eichberg of How they once Felt. They did t know anybody Gay. Physical affection Between two men or two women made them uncomfortable. They wondered what Type of people were Gay and what kinds of lives they led. Then each Learned one of her children was Gay and even thing changed. As homosexuals fight harder and More visibly for Legal rights and social Naceep Tance heterosexual americans Are having to confront their Complex feelings on the subject. Parents of Lesbie Ailand Gay children Are pioneers in the Field. Quot let s not Tell anybody yet a Eichberg advised her son Rob when he told her More than 20 years ago that he was Gay. Quot what will it do to his future a she worried. Quot How will people react a a most of us Are ignorant. All we know is what we hear and most of it is negative Quot said Goodman who discovered her child was Gay in 1980. Quot we really wonder what kind of a subculture our children Are getting both women a one in los Angeles one in Washington a went on to counsel families coping with a child s homosexuality. They Long ago adjusted to their own situations and say even same sex displays of affection seem unremarkable now. # a you do come to terms with it a said Goodman a former president of parents and friends of lesbians and Gays. Quot its a matter of becoming desensitized. The More you see and meet Gay people the less apprehensive you Are and the More comfortable you american attitudes Are a tangled mix of tolerance and intolerance. Eight out of 10 people in two separate polls this year said there should be no Job discrimination against Gays. Roughly the same percentage say they object to a Gay airline Pilot or accountant. But people Are evenly split on whether the ban on Gays in the military should be lifted As president Clinton has proposed and on whether they would object to having a Gay doctor. And Well Over half in a lbs new York times poll this year said they would object to their child having a Gay elementary school teacher and would not permit their child to watch a to 6how with Gay characters in it play at a Home with a homosexual Parent or read a Story about a homosexual couple. Public displays of affection also evoke Strong feelings. At the extreme the National Gay and lesbian task Force reports that last year two lesbians were shot and killed in their suburban front Yard by a neighbor upset about their open displays of affection. A Peck on the Cheek figured in the unsuccessful bid by conservatives and religious right activists to sink the nomination of assistant housing Secretary Roberta Achtenberg. They gave each senator a tape of Achtenberg bussing her longtime female partner during a Gay Pride Parade. Religious people Are among the least receptive toward Gay aspirations Accord ing to Gregory Herck a psychologist at the University of California Davis. Among the most receptive Are people who personally know Gay individuals. That a Why Rob Eichberg founded National coming out Day observed annually on oct. 11. Quot most people think they Don t know anyone Gay or lesbian and in fact everybody docs a said Eichberg a Santa be psychologist and author. Quot it is imperative that we come out and let people know who we Are and disabuse them of their fears and that a one reason Gay people arc disturbed by the Quot done task Aon t Tell Compromise emerging As the new military policy toward homosexuals. It perpetuates the stigma they say and forces Gays to live dishonestly. Plus it does nothing to dispel stereotypes and Foster tolerance. The military and the larger society eventually Learned to accommodate and accept Blacks and women. Gays say that if they Are allowed to participate fully in society without hiding who they arc the same evolution will occur. Crek who has studied heterosexual attitudes toward homosexuals for 15 years said he expects the changes to be slow and gradual. Most lesbians and Gay men grew up hearing that it was Quot bad disgusting and evil to be Gay a he said. Quot they usually go through a period in which they re learning to be comfortable about themselves and about two people of the same gender embracing and kissing and making Quot its not surprising that heterosexuals who also have been raised with those messages and done to have a compelling reason to be comfortable with this also take a while to get used to c the associated pres Kennedy appears to have turned life around the publication of Joe Mcginniss pseudo biography the last brother has produced nearly unanimous denunciations by reviewers and commentators. Mcginniss is More than a Fly on the Wall a he is a synapse in the brain of sen. Edward m. Kennedy d-mass., knowing his thoughts analysing this motives and the motives of others and describing incidents and feelings by liberally quoting those who interviewed the subjects including members of the Kennedy family Mcginniss did not. When in doubt about the facts Mcginniss simply makes them up some reviewers have charged. Even if everything in Mcginniss Book were True and much of it apparently is not if one is to believe the testimony of those who witnessed the events or who interviewed those who did the Book Speaks of a different Man and a different time. People change some for the worse some for the better. Whatever can be said of the former Ted Kennedy it is Clear to me that he is no longer on the Road to self destruction. Twenty two months ago Kennedy spoke to the Kennedy school of government at Harvard University in Cambridge mass. It was the year of his Nephew William Kenn 4y Smiths rape trial. Comedians were getting laughs by ridiculing the senator. Conservative fund raisers were making Money by invoking him As the ultimate Liberal bogeyman. In his speech remarkable because it made personal observations most politicians try to hide Kennedy said he had come to realize his own shortcomings Quot the faults in my private life. I realize that i alone am responsible for them and i am the one who must it appears that he has done just that. In a Telephone conversation last week i asked Kennedy what kind of conscious Effort he has made to redirect his life since the Harvard speech. He gave much of the credit to his wife Vicki who he said Quot has so immeasurably enhanced my life and has brought Joy and happiness and emotional Security and he said his marriage and the Quot re entry of children into the household Vicki has two is a constant source of life. It has Given me a renewed perspective in terms of things that Are Kennedy told me of the Quot Darker times in my life when i wondered whether such things could Ever be again a and he spoke of a Quot renewal of my spirit and Hope for the he even volunteered that he has begun to re examine his Quot Early religious beliefs and Cal Thomas he said he is again attending Church regularly 5 of clock mass each sunday and Quot yes i am going to Church More often than he told me that his relationship with his Sisters has become closer and that his three children from his first marriage appear Happy. Politically Kennedy Hasni to changed much and his Liberal positions Are fair game for columnists and politicians of different persuasions. But personally i sense that Kennedy is in the process of becoming a new Man a certainly much different from the near caricature portrayed in the Mcginniss books comedian Jay Leno has said he wont do More jokes on the tonight show about Kennedy a past life because that life is no longer relevant to the present. I think that a a Wise and decent decision too bad he wont extend the same Courtesy to former vice president Dan Quayle. Kindness encouragement and support for Good decisions Are better weapons for achieving desirable ends than hate invective and ridicule. If a journey of a thousand Miles begins w Ith a single step then Kennedy is Well along in Robert frosts words Quot the Road not even a conservative like me can encourage him in that Way. Its True that he is the Quot last but he could turn out to be the Best. I a a t is
