European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - August 14, 1993, Darmstadt, Hesse Saturday August 14, 1993 mom we refs year s break from kids dear Ann Landers next month i will be 65.1 have decided to take a one year trial separation from my adult children their children and their children s children. I Haven t yet decided if this decision Wilt result in divorce and was my generation that spawned the me Genera Tion we did t intend to do so but that is the Way it has turned out. I raised my Chil Dren As a single Mother an thought i had done a reasonably Good Job of it. You would Likely children Ann. They Are very Nice people. But they Are in credibly selfish. The Straw that broke the Camel s Back was my request that they each contribute $10 a month to Ward an emergency fund for me that would be used for my funeral if i did t need financial Aid to pay medical expenses. Ann Landers also my youngest son said Sony but i m no going along with in his opinion i had been a terrible Mother. I listened to his diatribe about our dysfunctional family and then i asked myself what s in Thi forme i was 20 when my first child was born. I had six kids and s raised two stepdaughters. I have spent my entire life oing things for others. Now for one year i have decided to put myself told my family that i do not want any Contact whatsoever with any of them for the next 12 months. They were stunned and very unhappy about my decision. I am deter mined to Cany out this plan however even though i know am taking a Chance that our relationships May never be the same. It s a risk i am willing to take. Will you comment please no name Iii St dysfunctional mothering Vancouver . Dear Vancouver Mother the truth of the matter is you Are punishing them be cause you were Hurt when your youngest son walked at paying $10 a month toward the emergency fund to help defray your medical and or funeral expenses. T suggest that you talk this Over with a Counselor before you make the drastic move you outlined in your letter. It sounds As if you Are crying to get rid of termites by blow ing up the House. Dear Ann Landers you recently printed a letter from a woman who wanted her daughter in Law to Call her mom there i another Side to the question what does her son Call his Mother in Law it seems to me that parallel treatment is family occasions it might Well be awkward if one Side of the family uses mom and dad while theother Side uses Given names. One of the happiest resolutions of this awkward problem was arrived at Early in my own marriage. At our engagement party my father said to my Mother in Law to be what Are the kids going to Call us they then agreed that it would be first names All around and so it was. This May not be the answer for everyone but quite a number of my friends have done the something now that they Are parents in Law and it works much better my experience was than my own Mother s. She had to avoid the Issue until their firs child was born and then she called her Mother in Law a Toronto Star fan of Ann dear Star fan your solution is a Good one. I received dozens of let ters from readers who said they solved the problem by calling their Mother in Law grandma when their first child was born several others wrote to say the did not wish to be called Granny and suggested that they be called by their first names. Letters to Ann Landor should be addressed to Hor Al . Box 11562. Chi Cago w. 60611-0562. A creators Syndicate married Man a poor be for Mother dear Abby last week i broke up with the Man i be been see ing for nearly a year and a half. I m 27 with two Small children. My Friend whom i la Call Jerry is 38 and manned. I am divorced and work full time trying tomake ends meet. Jerry helped me pay my Bills and took care of my children and me problem his marriage his card playing his telling me he come Over and never snowing up or he d show up three or four hours Abby in the beginning of our relationship i told him i d wait for Ever for him to get his life together leave his wife Etc. It seems t k � v j a � my waiting was futile until the Day i told him i did t want to see him anymore. Now All of a sudden changes Are quibble going to be made. In the meantime i have started dating someone s 31, single Good with the kids and takes me to Nice places. This is the first time in my life i be had the Opportunity to Date. So what s my problem should i believe that Jerry is really leaving his wife is i Worth the financial Security to stay with this Man or should i try it on my own it is so hard. I have no family Here to help me and my sex husband is giving me a hard time be cause i had his wages attached for child people Ever really change Abby please Tell me what you think. 1 have no one to turn to for for change dear Watung give the eligible Man who treats you Well a Chance. Jerry has shown himself to be not Only an unfaithful husband but also inconsiderate of your feelings. Letters Tor this column should to addressed to dear Abby at . Box 447. Mount Morris. Iii. 61054. 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