European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - December 20, 1993, Darmstadt, Hesse                                The stars Ano stripes Page 24 a 1 a 1. A a a a a a it s a Comfort to talk about the dead monday december 20,1993 m i dear Ann Landers my husband and 1 lost our Darling daughter to suicide a few months ago. In the last three years i have lost four loved ones. My Mother and a brother in Law died in 1990, a sister in Spring of 1993and our daughter last August. Please Tell your readers to keep sending cards and notes and that their visits Are appreciated. I understand that most folks done to know what to say. Let them know their presence Speaks volumes. A simple Quot pm sorry Quot is enough. Many neighbors and friends have said Quot please let us know if there is anything we can  i wish they would think of something themselves. There Are so Many things that would be appreciated for example a casserole a pot roast or some Flowers. If ency would just come by and spend an hour it would mean a lot. And please Ann Tell people not to be afraid to talk about the person who has died. A neighbor of mine who lost her son said it made her feel Ever so much better when his friends came by and talked about him. She did no to want him to be forgotten. 1 feel the same Way about my daughter. I phoned the local grief counselling hotline last week was put on hold waited for several i Ann Landers minutes and then message asking me to Call Back in an Ion 1 called Detroit a suicide hotline. Heard a recorded hour. In desperation the Counselor there helped a lot. I had t realized How thin the line is Between horrific grief and suicide. Now i know. Grieving Mother in Royal Oak Mich. Dear Friend i was appalled when i read that you called the Royal Oak hotline and were told to Call Back in an hour. I phoned Royal Oak information at Midnight and asked for the number of the local grief counselling hotline. I was told there was no such number i then called United Community services Tel la cup referral service in Detroit at 313-226-9888. The woman who answered the phone was compassionate and sympathetic and gave me phone numbers for therapists and. Support groups. She also told me to Call common ground counselling the Royal Oak suicide hotline at 313-543-2900. 1 called that number and reached a recorded message that told me to Call Back later. 1 called Back alter 15 minutes and heard the same recording. I gave it another 10 minutes. Same message. I then called the Long distance operator and told her 1 Tyas desperate and asked who else i could Call. She immediately connected me with the Wayne county crisis and suicide line in Detroit she also told me in Case we should be disconnected that the phone number was 313-224-7000. 1 called that number and a Young Man with a pleasant voice identified himself As a Counselor with the Wayne county suicide prevention Center and asked a How can 1 help you a i told him i was depressed and Felt that suicide was my Only answer. He said Quot suicide is no answer a and offered to talk to me for As Long As 1 wanted and then refer me to a support group where i would meet others who were also having a hard time and we would help each other. Finally 1 Felt Tike such a fraud 1 had to Tell him 1 was actually Ann Landers and that 1 was testing suicide prevention hotlines. The Young Man was speechless. I then told him of my experience with the Royal Oak grief counselling Center. He said Quot we hear that quite  so grieving Mother to glad you called the Detroit suicide hotline and i Hope the folks in Royal Oak will shape up and give their people better help than you and i got. Letters to Ann Landers should be addressed to her at . Bon 11562, pm Cago. Iii. 60611-0562. I c creators Syndicate being rude has become . Custom dear Abby i came to the United slates from the Netherlands in 1960 with a fairly Good knowledge of the English Lan Guage but 1 took quite a ribbing about my pronunciation and ignorance of your Slang words and expressions. Over the years friends and relatives from the Netherlands have come Over to visit me and they All agree that the . Customs officers give foreigners a very hard time. Not All foreigners Are terrorists drug dealers or thieves you know my 87-year-old Mother was made to wait while the customs officer rewrote All her forms. If them they must have been legible to know if other travellers have had e dear Abby he could read right id like Rob tems with customs officers. Perhaps they should All e sent to Charm school. Frequent flier in new York dear frequent flier it would take More than Quot Charm school it would take Quot Reform school. I too had a Nasty run in with a . Customs officer on returning from the Orient in 1963, a customs officer in Honolulu insisted that the Pearl necklace i was carrying in my purse had been purchased in the Orient. I told him that i had owned it for 10 years. He refused to believe me so i telephoned my insurance agent in san Francisco who verified the fact. This occurred on a sunday. All the Telephone circuits were Busy so it took four hours to Complete the Call consequently i missed my plane and had to take a later Light Home. Letters for this column should be addressed to Oear Abby at . Box 447. Mount Morris Iii. 61054. 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