European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - February 17, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Thursday february 17, 1994 a Mother in Law makes affair Messier the stars and stripes Page 21 Ann Landers dear Ann Landers my husband of 15 years recently ended a five year affair with a woman in his office. I was suspicious of their relationship but never knew the extent of it until he told me. We Are both seeing a marriage Counselor and Hope we can put the past behind us and have a Good life together. The problem is my Mother in Law. Over the years she devel oped a Friendship with my Hus band s Girlfriend. I now know that she was aware of their relationship for some time and joined them for dinners and out of town trips. Even now she continues to have Contact with this woman. I have never had a Cross word with my Mother in Law and thought we were close. Needless to say i am very Hurt. My therapist says i should confront her with my feelings. My husband say she will support whatever i choose to do. I Don t feel that i have the right to choose my Mother in Law s friends but since i be Learned she is still seeing this woman i Don t want to be around her. There Are grandchildren involved so i can t avoid her forever any advice betrayed twice in Mississippi dear Mississippi confront your Mother in Law promptly. She must have known when she chose to be an accomplice in your husband s illicit assignation that she was under mining your marriage. There is no reason to keep your children away from their grandmother nor should you fake a Friendship with her. Be civil and pleasant and go about your business. Dear Ann Landers i took a very overweight Friend at least 300 pounds for a Long trip in my almost new car. Afterwards the shocks and struts needed repairs. The Bill was $300. Don t you think my Friend should share the Cost of the repairs our salaries Are the same. Other people i know have had car scats broken and tur mature damaged by overweight friends and feel that the heavy person should help pay for repairs. One fam ily refuses to transport a very heavy relative anywhere because their car will not carry  t these overweight people care about the dam age they Are doing How should 1 handle this Alice in Ohio dear Alice according to a spokesman at general motors a 350 Pound person should not cause damage to the struts and shocks of a car. If however a heavy person Breaks a chair or sofa he or she should offer to pay for re pairs. If no offer is made it is of to bring up the subject in As tactful a Way As possible. Dear Ann Landers i missed your first article on Roger Daub who fell from the Garrison dam but i saw the second letter and it brought Back memories. When i was a 20-year-old engineering student at the University of North Dakota i got a summer Job on the Garrison dam. I worked As an inspector on the surge tanks and one of my primary responsibilities was to see that the contractors followed safety standards such swearing safety belts on the scaffolds. I had been on the Job Only about a week when Roger Daub came tumbling Down followed by scaffolds and lights. The next thing that happened was that i changed my major from engineering to math. Nobody tries Tofall 150 feet in math. J.c.h., Dallas dear Dallas i be had lots of comments on that incredible fall but yours was the funniest. Letters to Ann Landers should be addressed to her at . Box 11562, Chi Cago Iii. 60611-0562. C creators Syndicate unhappy mom can t foe changed dear Abby i think you misread the letter from depressed daughter when she wrote about her Mother s con Stant negativity. Your advice to try to bring her Mother up by taking her to a movie etc., won t work. Her Mother lives in a world of her own. She likes to be negative. In fact she would be ruined if she could t Dis count and denigrate her Daugh Ter. It s not the Mother who needs counselling it s the daughter. The daughter has been verbally abused All her life. Now that she is beginning to realize How much she has been injured she needs to seek professional help from someone who specializes in abused children and adults. Dear Abby Don t try to make her Mother Happy. It can t be done. Make the daughter Happy through a change inner self image and attitude toward herself. Tell her to seek out and attend a self help group of abused adult children. Shell find her Story is very common and there is a Way out. Someday maybe if her Mother sees that All of her abuse is not getting her anywhere the Mother will seek help for herself. I doubt it though because this kind of abusive behaviour is an addiction and you know How difficult it is to change an addict unless the person wants to change. Erv in Minneapolis dear Erv i received More than a few thought provoking letters from readers who disagreed with my answer. Letters for this column should be addressed to dear Abby at  Box 447 mount Morris Iii. 61054. 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