European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - September 27, 1978, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Page 18 the stars and stripes wednesday september 27, 1978 tourists coming Home with Dufy free horror stories 2nd migration underway by Hugh a. Mulligan London a the great wave of euro Pean immigration is Over but still the Gate ways to America Are thronged with the poor the despised the rejected the accursed and the cheated. The tourists Are coming Home. Perhaps the time has come to update Emma Lazarus touching poem inscribed near the statue of Liberty and multiply it in miniature at All the International airports receiving the homeward bound wave of victimized humanity. Something on the order of give me my tired my broke. My ripped off tourists burdened with duty free. The Dollar depressed refuse of your charter flights. Send these the fleeced tempers lost humiliated Home to me i lift my dimmer Energy saving lamp beside the Golden  Pigeon droppings John Osborne Brit Ain s angry Young Man called them. And the More he saw them lining up at the Royal court theater to boost the profits of his play inadmissible evidence the angrier he got which is the approved manner of treating american tourists abroad Short of actually Horn smog gling them. The Ever innovative japanese have dreamed up a new Way of gouging the tourists even before they get into town. They built the new Narita Airport 45 Miles outside Tokyo so the obsequious by smiling cabdriver can extract $60 plus tip More if his meter is conveniently not working before the visitor even sees the outstretched Palm of the hotel Doorman. But parting is such Sweet sorrow As Shakespeare undoubtedly was moved to re Mark when the British rail porters took him for a bundle at the Stratford on Avon station. At dockside. Rail terminals and airports All Over Europe homeward bound americans al had sad parting tales to Tell. The usual things $2.75 for a Coke in Lucerne 82 cents on the Dollar for traveler s checks in Oslo flights overbooked reserved seats lost in the computer handbag snatched by a Motorbike thief in Florence cabbie de manding 20 pounds $40 for a trip to London s Heathrow hidden $7-a-night air conditioning charge at a Riviera Flea bag shoes stolen out Side a hotel door in Belgrade inedible food at plunder us prices Luggage lost in Moscow pockets picked in Zurich Lyon Lake Como Cardiff and Lisbon penalty fee for declining Dollar in Kabul where local currency is worthless even locally and an ingenious third across 1 Shepherd s Reward 5 crowd 8 catch sight of 12 Robert or Alan 13 age 14 resorts 15 rods on spinning wheels 17 location 18 Small coins 19 sharper 21 Geraint s wife 24 Printer s measures 25 huge 28 puppet 30 Small child 33 High Mountain 34  Bones 35 nigerian tribe 36 japanese porgy 37 paper Quantity 38 to plunder 39 inferior horse 41 secure 43 milk curler 46 irregular 50 among 51 Small spines 54 prong 55 Melody 56 dispatched 57 work units 58 female Ruff 59 Comfort Down 1 insect 2 leather flask 3 War god 4 surgical knife 5 Torme or Ferrer 6 scandinavian Coin 7 enjoy a warm feeling 8 German City 9 unmarried woman average solution time 26 min. Collection especially for our tourist friends at the Little baroque what else Parish Church outside Ravenna. And some tales not so usual in fact Down right diabolical in their larceny while we were waiting nine hours for a flight at Rome s Leonardo a Vinci Airport due to late arrival of the aircraft actually the plane had been sold to another Firma lady from Cleveland told of a packaged holi Day to the Sun drenched Spanish Isle of Ibiza that turned out to be More Sun drenched than she anticipated. The hotel had t been built yet. Well the Walls were up but there was no furniture in the unpainted room and the toilets had t been installed yet. We Are a poor simple people the bowing manager begged her understanding. This prompted tales of nonexistent Golf courses idyllic beaches infested with Sand fleas Oil Slicks poisonous Jelly fish nudists some people will Carp at anything and Rapa Cious Beach urchins who in Morocco hijacked a Bathhouse while the occupant was changing clothes. A Navy Captain told of dining in a three Star London restaurant renowned for its old world British service where the embittered turkish waiter who spoke no English and probably lived in a Roach Ridden be Sitter in Bay Swater took out his social resentments by throwing a Tantrum and spitting on the peach Alexandre flambe when the tip left on his tray did not match the 20 percent already included in the Tab. In the resulting scene the manager told the american party never to return be cause staff was hard to get these Days. A chicagoan Back from the North sea Oil Fields delineated the horrors of his Aberdeen hotel room directly across from a Kirk of Scotland Belfry that tolled the Quarter hours so sonorous by the pictures trembled on his. Wall. He thought the tinting tabulation would cease at Midnight but it did t. Head throb Bing like big Ben he staggered Down to the reception desk at 4 . In quest of a quieter room. I know what you re going to say the pert lass in charge Cut him off but people do get used to  joining the general misery i cited the roman cab Driver who invoked a supplement to the extra fare allowed on sundays and special holidays. It s a Holiday he announced. What Holiday i scoffed. A Catholic holy Day he essayed. I m a Catholic and i know of no big  but his eyes lit up in bold discovery it s the song of the open Road for americans abroad these Days. No wonder St. Luke devoted almost an entire chapter in his gospel to the Good Samari Tan the unknown rescuer of the hapless tourist who fell among robbers and was stripped clean on the Road Down from Jerusalem to Jericho. He undoubtedly was the first Saint in the new testament if not the first Miracle. 9-27 answer to yesterday s Puzzle. 10 liver paste 11 belgian River 16 Lair 20 morays 22 not working 23 Spanish matrons 25 Large cask 26 Wing 27 whirling 29 priest of Lhasa 31 Pindari for one 32 plaything 34 plead strongly 38 read 40 Mountain Chain 42 Marsh 43 assess 44 arabian chieftain 45 Nicholas for one 47 Genus of olives 48 French City 49 italian Noble House 52 menu item 53 Wrath 9-27 dear Ann Landers i hate you because you Are so mean to fat people. In your column today you insulted us again. Why can t you get it through your head that fat people can t help it do you think we enjoy looking terrible How would you like to be 22 and not have had a Date in your whole life do you think it s fun to shop for clothes and find you be gone up another two sizes you can t imagine How humiliating it is to have a hostess Lead you to the sofa because she s afraid you might break the wooden chair. I refuse to spend any More Money on doctors because i Don t have the will Power to stick to a diet. I eat myself sick and cry myself to sleep. Pity us fat peo ple. We despise ourselves be cause of our weakness but we can t do anything about it. Nothing ahead dear Friend i refuse to pity you. And i Don t buy the idea that you can t do anything about it. Thousands of fat people have conquered obesity and you can too. You need More than medical advice. You need psychiatric help. Your feelings of worthlessness and your negative attitude have been doing you in for too Many years. When you rid your self of these personal enemies you will be Able to Stop overeat ing. Dear Ann i identified with a Man who wears the Hairpiece and suffers humiliation because a relative keeps bringing the hair piece to the attention of everyone within hearing distance. I had a relative who did the same thing to me. I m a woman however and my Hairpiece is a wig. Aunt Lottie never missed a Chance to ask in the presence of a third fourth or fifth party is that your own hair i often pre tended not to hear her because i did t want to answer. Suddenly it dawned on me there was an answer and a Good one. Now i just say yes it s mine i bought it and paid for  aunt Lottie does t ask me this question any More because it no longer produces the Embarrass ment she so enjoyed. Why Are some people so mean Lone Star dear Lone Star people arc mean because they Are unhappy. Show me an unfulfilled insecure person and i la show you a Needle artist who enjoys making others uncomfortable. Dear Ann you Are probably bored with Mother in Law letters. This is different. It s his father ican t stand. My father in Law s second wife died six months ago. He lives Down the Block has a key to our apartment and comes in whenever he feels like it. One night last week he scared me half to death. I was alone and suddenly i heard someone in the Kitchen. I nearly fainted until i discovered it was dad prowling around in search of a can of Beer. Today he was in the bathroom at 6 . Looking for a razor Blade. I need some advice from a outsider. Nervous Nellie dear Nell change the locks on your doors and Tell dad sorry no More keys. Knock when you want to come in. And remember. Our hours Are from whenever you Are up to whenever you usually turning. C 1978 Field enterprises inc