European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - January 20, 1981, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Page 20 the stars and stripes january 1981 the shift from me to us modern living by Georgia Dullea new York times when two groups of Young people gathered recently in new York to discuss love and a surprising pattern emerged the Young women talked More about work and the Young men talked More about love and work Are not their of for their the words Are career and As they describe covers a Range of relationships from marriage to living together to what used to be called going looking at it Alan Brichta which is a real bad Way of looking at commit ment is the step at which you Stop thinking in terms of me and Start thinking in terms of and that a very big a 22yearold history major at City added that his definition of commitment did not include a pledge of sexual for its almost Orrele he in our because were still so we emphasize the sexual part of relationships instead of the emotional and some of the six other men and All of the six women who participated in round table discussions at the new York times said they would be unable to Deal with a variety of sexual partners at this Point in their its hard enough to handle they protested who has the time who has the Energy some were just getting started in others were still in College with years of graduate work ahead of most were mindful As the last of the baby Boom entrants into an already tight and competitive Job their careers might have to take precedence Over their love lives at As a the women expressed a bit More willingness to Compromise than the that because weve been brought up to believe peo ple Are More important than said Rosemary glancing around the table at the other Young were All willing to sit Here and weve got to give a Little time Here and a Little time men dont want to do and men Are going to have to realize for a lot of work and love Are her As an associate editor at essence is very Bray i bring work Home and drop into the office at bizarre you cant explain this to a certain kind of he but dont you love me Bray threw up her hands and whats that got to do with anything she for at least two divorce in the family has a profound effect on the priorities they now place on careers and with a wry Melanie a research assistant with an investment and banking acknowledged that after witnessing her divorced mothers struggle it was not like the an unmarried woman single life looks less and less if she were forced to choose now Between a Job and a Man she cared Levin she would probably pick the Man simply because there was no guarantee that she would meet another one in the you have More control Over a Judiann a political science major at new York had the opposite divorce dramatized to As it has to Many other the fact that a woman can no longer depend on a Man to support my Mother was a housewife and she had to pick up the i was much More geared toward going for a career after the right its More important to me to develop a career than a women May develop relationships but men still Start even in these liberated although they talked of equal the women tended to revert to traditional roles in their social relations with although they had lived in coed dorms and asked men out on dates at those who have graduated into the More formal and impersonal business world now find themselves reluctant to pick up a Telephone and doing anything there going through the same stage that we did when we were Brichta told the other you youre really scared to make that phone you have to have two drinks women Are going through that the other men that women had bet Ter be prepared for this is something weve had to five with since High said Bill men have been kicked in the face who is just getting started in an acting Ca said that recently several women had taken the Lead in asking him out and that to be quite it threw me for a once he regained his he found himself accepting and occasionally refusing people May not believe he said with but men do say a making dates is one taking the sexual initiative is none of the women were willing to make the first move with a new Man and most appeared shocked that the subject was even Cally was an one Way i would initiate things if i were interested in a Man sexually would be to invite him Over to my place and then decide from said who is an associate Art director for a medical publishing i would never invite him Over if i want interested none of the men interviewed seemed to think that Competition from women in the work place might put a chill on their but Josh a research assistant for a Bank and Trust did admit that he was disappointed to see so Many women there wearing tailored suits and chips on their he said he missed the friendships he had known at Cally Gottlieb says shed invite a Man to her place if she were interested in College where women did not feel they had to prove Friendship with the opposite sex is sometimes More important than sex to hear these Young people several spoke of longtime friendships with men or women that were so valuable to them that they  risk losing them by becoming involved Jonathan a geology major at Queens College who has carried on a lon distance relationship with the same woman for five said he had several close friendships with women for making love to any of them would ruin a really Nice other kind of when i have sex with that Marks the relationship As being out of the he its no longer a straight its probably going to mean some kind of another thing the Young people said they valued in a relationship was emotional no one was Able to quite describe this elusive but Richard to judge by his Peers came pretty the need for rationality in the Way you express your self Falls away said a graduate student at Columbia University school of International you dont have to think twice about How you feel and How its going to sound to someone its direct and Brichta took a poetic i need someone to talk to to touch and to be touched its As much mental As it is its As much psychological As it is i need someone who i can Call and say lets go to the As Well As lets make Jonathan Pershing making Nice other kind of Alan Brichta definition of commitment Doest include a pledge of sexual new York times 4 Magazine editor Rosemary Bray for a lot of work and love Are