European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - September 06, 1985, Darmstadt, Hesse Page 18 the stars and stripes Friday september 6, 1985 columns today s crossword Manhattan Lite Worth every million by Russell Baker after winning $13.7 million in the new York stale lottery recently. Joe Moore of Brooklyn said might now Able to afford to live in Manhattan. Actually can do in on a Little less but the jus by i relatives will behave if takes the plunge. It was la relatives that gave trouble when i lived in Manhattan on slightly less than si3.7 million. To perfectly honest i did it on less than $10 million and after paying the rent i still had enough left Over to go to the theater two or three limes a year. So i assure Moore that with $13.7 million can swing Manhattan financially. With $13.7 million can buy a Iwu bedroom apartment on a lower floor in an elevator building. In a fairly Safe neighbourhood too. And one of the bedrooms should even have a window. If wants windows in both bedrooms of course hell have to sacrifice something and i d suggest sacrifice the car without a car. won t have to pay a car mover to keep moving the thing from one Side of the Street to the other in conformity with All Ernali Side of the str Cal parking Laws. Living on less than Sio million As i was doing made the car mover an unaffordable luxury. On the other hand by constantly dropping whatever i was doing and Rushing out to move my car from one Side of the Street to the other where i then had to sit in it for three hours before moving it Back to the place 1 had moved it from three hours earlier a Well it kept Happy in a strange kind of Way. Having less than Sio million you Sec meant i could not afford most of Manhattan s pleasures but whenever i started feeling sorry for myself i recovered quickly upon reflecting that since i spent most of the waking hours obeying the parking Laws i would have no time to Dawdle in fancy restaurants even if they were affordable. Thus life in Manhattan seemed Worth every million it was costing. I still recall the satisfaction of hearing two youths waiting for an outbound plane at Newark Airport discussing the Joys of Manhattan life. The thing about new York one said is they have All i Csc things but most people can t afford logo to them so what s the use of having them you could Lell that both men had less than $500,000. Such people could hardly expected o understand the surge of pleasure that suffuses the Well heeled when they ?.e that by iving up or Jun no that has the Wir Dow they can afford logo to the opera. My happiness began to crinkle around the edges after my relatives heard i had less than $10 million and was living in Manhattan. Naturally they wanted to witness this curiosity for most of them had less than $7 million while some had less than $5 million and none had gotten much beyond six bedroom country houses in the Hudson Valley or 800-acre horse farms in Kentucky. The first to come were iwo dear cousins. They stayed the night. Naturally i gave them the guest room the one with no window. People Here sleep in the closet Cousin Cyril asked. I explained the Beauty of the win Dowless bedroom How it would prevent their being awakened by car burglar alarms shots explosions. They were baffled when i put the to set outside the apartment door but kept mum about that until they got Back Home. Then they told my sister. She telephoned. You feeling All right Well she had heard thai at bedtime i d been putting out the to set instead of the cat. In Manhattan i had to explain you always put the to set outside so nobody has to make a mess by breaking in to steal my aunts came. You Vegol less than $10 million and you live in a cubbyhole like this they said with incredulous eyes while talking about How much fun it must to go to the opera Ana eat in fancy restaurants every night and trying not to notice that i was attacking cock Roaches with toxic Gas. Their report Back Home brought a visit from my favor Ite Uncle a doctor of madness who has less than $2 million and lives on a Maryland estate hopelessly Remote from great opera. How arc you asked at the door. Can t go into that now 1 cried dashing past him. I got to move the car to the other Side of the Street and sit in it for the next three c new Yorn Tom they prove misery Toves company by Art Buchwald while Buchnat is on vacation arc reprinting some at his columns from the past As someone who has made a close study of tourism there must a cure for Ini believe i have isolated a certain Type of tourist the for some reason has become More prevalent in recent years. This is the Type of tourist who hates travelling. While i written in the past about individual tourists who hated travelling i have discovered a new Type of tourist who needs somebody else to hate it with. There Are couples now travelling who know before they even leave the United slates they going to hate in. But no Mailer How bad icy think it s going to the reality is even worse than their wildest nightmares. I met a couple like Hal not Long ago. They had been touring Europe for a month and they were on the Home Ulreich in Paris. When i caught up with them they could t decide which they haled More Venice or Rome. the Man said did t like Rome but i still thought in was better than Jane said that s because Harry did t have the experiences i had. I still maintain i d rather spend four Days in Venice than two in it was that bad huh Harry said Well it was t As bad As Jane agreed. both hated Zurich. did t have any Tun in Zurich at All. It was almost As bad As you did l like Copenhagen huh 1 asked. Does anyone like Copenhagen Harry wanted to know. Would you like to hear what happened to us in Copenhagen not particularly i said. were terribly disappointed in Amsterdam Jane said. Almost As disappointed As were in Brussels Harry said. could t wait till got out of there and got to said Jane turned out to the funny thing is said Harry i hated it but i thought Jane liked it so i said i liked and said Jane i thought Harry liked it so i did t Tell him 1 hated it. You can imagine our Surprise when discovered both hated it. If had known it at the beginning would have left right but where would you have gone i asked. Not to Monte Carlo that s for sure Harry said. I Don t know what anybody sees in that place Jane said. You can have the entire Riviera As far As concerned Harry added. Jus try to get a Good dry Martini on the Riviera. Just Well what about Paris i foolishly asked. The worst said Jane. The pc Opte Are so unfriendly and the prices arc High and i Don t see what there is that s so special about Jane and i hate it Harry said. You two seem to hate the same things i said. Well know what Don t like Jane said. Harry said Europe s Over raid. Bui glad made the trip because now can understand Why other people Don t like it As i left the couple Harry was explaining to Jane Why did l like the arc Detriomphe and Jane was telling Harry Why she did t like the place la concorde. You could t find two happier people. U loan a Tolmei mup5. Sohh6mh Tus 6ffj to Sojko a huh?7h&� cd
