European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - September 20, 1985, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Page 18 the stars and stripes Friday september 20, 1985 columns the Cost of economizing is too High by Art  while Buchwald is on vacation us inc reprinting some of his columns from the past companies throughout inc world arc either in the midst of expanding or in inc process of economizing. It depends on what the last financial report looked Tike. One major corporation has closed Down All its european supervisory offices in a wave of Economy the like of which has t been seen since the last Economy wave. Since most people arc innocent victims of Economy drives. I have As a Public service contacted or. Robert Goldbogen who specializes in studying Economy drives and their effect on the Economy. Or. Goldbogen what docs an Economy drive really mean it Means or. Goldbogen said that the president of the company has had to report to the stockholders that inc profits arc lower than anticipated there is in fact a toss and he is immediately instigating the Nec Essary measures to turn the tide. As a Start he announces an Economy drive will be put in effect. If he still president after the report he has to follow through on his  what docs he do first he fires two men one in the mail room and the elevator  but who runs the elevator at a Cost of Only j55.000, a self service elevator is  that s All no it really in t As economical to fire the mail room employee As one might think. Someone has to deliver important packages and letters by hand so a higher priced employee is sent instead. This person not familiar with the City takes twice As Long to do the Job. When the president discovers that the firing of the mail room employee and the elevator operator has not solved his problem he makes further  How does he do this every Large company has certain people that they employ just to blame things on. They have to be on the Job when things go wrong. Each vice president might have one chief blame taker and three assistants. The chief blame Laker distributes the blame among the others. Since there arc enough people to spread the blame about no one gets in trouble. But then the presi Dent sends Down word to the Heads of the departments that icy have to Cut their staffs and instead of four people they can Only have  the department head naturally keeps the chief blame taker not necessarily. The department head keeps the one who takes the blame inc Best. The chief blame Laker May be Good at dispensing blame but weak on taking it  then the Economy problem is settled on the contrary this is the most dangerous Type of Economy there is. Since the head of the department keeps blaming one person for everything that goes wrong eventually the president asks Why the head of the department does t fire him. We know the answer. If the head of the department fires him. Then he will have to take the blame himself. When he takes the blame he will be fired is Well and pretty soon the president will have to take the blame. Then the stockholders will Force his resignation. When you Start firing people who absorb blame you re really in a  what can one do to make sure one is not a victim of an Economy Cut take the Ball by the horns. When you smell an Economy Cut you must immediately go in to see the Boss and ask him to let you go. Tell him you re expendable and you feel the company is not getting its Money s Worth. The Boss will immediately smell a rat and decide you re trying to go Over to the opposition and you will be kept on the payroll until hell freezes Over. Another method of staying on is that As soon As an Economy wave is announced the person must demand a raise and a vacation. The Boss will figure anyone who would do such a thing at a time like this must be Worth a great Deal to the firm and you la survive the cuts and possibly even get the raise. There Are other methods. I know one Man who owned two cars. One he drove and the other he kept parked in the company parking lot next to the spot reserved for the president s car. No matter what time the president came out Day or night the Man s car was there and the president assumed he was inside working for dear old incorporated. It made quite an impression on the president so much so that when he had the Choice of firing the Man or himself he immediately resigned and the Man who owned the car is now presi Dent of the  1c lot Angeles time Chance of Victory Over squirrels fading by Mary Mcgrory Washington i am losing the War against the squirrels. I had hoped since 1 last reported from the front in june to report total Victory. In fact i was on the Point of announcing that we were All about to enter a new age where the Birds would feed in peace and we could All turn our Energy and emotion to tax Reform or the future of the whale. Alas instead i am at . My recent dispatch brought Forth considerable response from other people who feel about squirrels a Ronald Reagan feels about the sandinista. Retaliatory options poured in. Some of them were of a technical complexity beyond my grasp and one of them was liter ally shocking. All but one of my readers exuded wholesome hatred but from Dearborn mich., came a reproach from a terminally smarmy woman who said she Felt sorry for me because i am not like her a Lover of All Crea Tures not just  gushed about furry Brown lovable Little Guys for whom she leaves goodies on her apartment grounds. One thing completely destroyed her credibility. Some of the squirrels she said Are a Little  1 never saw on that was any More shy than a state trooper about to deliver a speeding ticket Early in july it was breakthrough time. My Friend Frank who a a Strain of Francis of Assisi in him and takes pity on the oppressed presented me with the ultimate state of the Art Squirrel proof Bird feeder. He bad won it in a raffle. It was the last of its kind to come from the hands of a master craftsman in new Hampshire who had to quit because of the High Cost of production. But after a Day or two i noticed that the marvelous contraption was attracting Only sparrows. I consulted my neighbor Jim who lives above and works for the Federal aviation administration. He tikes anything that flies and feeds Birds Winter and summer. His usual clientele is still with him he dropped a few names chickadees cardinals crested titmice. Maybe,.he said darkly there was a Colony of cats under the parking lot. My next door neighbor Marie said cardinals prefer Sunflower seeds and kindly gave me some. I carefully put them at the front of the trough. 1 tied the bag up and left it out. The next morning there were no Cardi nals and the squirrels had untied the bag and strewn the seed All Over the grass. The squirrels chewed up the Redwood Board in their fury. They left deep tooth Marks. Now they be left too. But so have the Birds. Were they kidnapped threatened brainwashed i Don t know. I be put up the White Flag to in Verval or it on Anat  9xn1ha1 a Tobt 96mhai Mil oncqwn9. \ \ today s crossword by Eugene Sheffer across 40 garland1 Santa 41 Lassie . 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