European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - November 28, 1985, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Columns let us give thanks for a gracious Holiday by John Windrow staff columnist in response to Reader requests. Stripes Magazine is reprinting this column that ran in 1983. Let s hear it for thanksgiving the Hest Holiday of them All. Christmas can t hold a Candle to it. Christmas simply has become too big of be enjoyed. It s exhausting. The decorations Are up already and will be tattered by the time the big Day arrives. There Are too Many santas hoho Hoing in too Many department stores. Even the smallest of children will figure out that something is awry. Yes Virginia there is a Santa Claus but no Virginia there Aren t 10,000 of them and Bing Crosby crooning White Christmas reaches its saturation Point when the Needle touches the disc for the 99th time. Mailing All the cards wrapping All the gifts going to All the parties eating All the food it s unmanageable and unfortunately turns to Drudgery. To top it off the Acle sues somebody every year to get the Manger off the courthouse Lawn. The baby Lesus would t care a Fig for our Christmas. I la take thanksgiving. It s More elegant because it s quieter simpler. We have time to think about How Lucky we really Are. When i was growing up in Tennesse we would hang about the Kitchen All morning opening the door to the stove Over and Over again until someone chased us away. The Turkey will never be ready they told us unless you quit holding the dad blamed stove door  but it always was right on time and we ate ourselves stupid. After the meal my father and grown cousins would decide that we should go Hunting to walk the meal  we rarely bagged any game. Invariably the dogs would have gorged themselves on scraps from the banquet and they wallowed through the Woods like hogs rooting for acorns. We had one particularly Lazy ingenious Black and Tan hound named Abraham who would halt by whatever tree moved him and bark treed just to please us. I always fell for it and wanted to run to the tree and look for a Squirrel. My father would wave his hand and say Don t worry about him boys he s just  and we would walk through the Woods wagging our guns on our shoulders dragging our boots through the red and yellow leaves until the darkness or the cold pushed us Home. After the Hunt we sat around the fire. Abraham slept so close to the Hearth it made steam Rise off his fur and smelled As if his hide was about to scorch. This gave him nightmares and he would throw Back his head and howl in his sleep. My Mother and grandmother found this disconcerting and out make us put Abraham outside. This always made him jealous since the other dogs were still inside so he would sit under an Oak tree in the Side Yard and bark treed hoping we d come out to investigate. But we stayed by the fire. One of my grown cousins had just returned from several years in Texas one thanksgiving. He had known a Good Deal of sadness in his life but we had never discussed it because it involved a woman and i was too Young to know anything about that. But he looked at me and said when you grow up if you Ever get a fire to sit in front of and a woman who la sit by you and a piece of meat to put on the fire and a dog to give part of the meat to you la have this old world by the  must one ask permission to use Friend s potty by miss manners United feature Syndicate dear miss manners when visiting friends or relatives not merely a drop in and a hello occasion is h necessary advisable and proper to ask permission of the hostess to use the bathroom especially when you know where that certain room b located when it cannot be done discreetly asking permission seems like announcing to All present that you have to go. But i have seen an almost offended look on the face of a hostess when i resumed from an unauthorized visit. Gentle Reader May i use the Bath Oom is an idiomatic expression not to be taken literally. Miss manners has never heard of a hostess s refusing permission. Unless you were bypassing a guest bathroom to use one the hostess had not intended to be available surely you must be mistaken in assuming that she wished to be consulted As to whether you could use her bathroom. Considering the consequences for the premises this would be not Only mean but foolish. The True meaning of the question is would you be so kind As to show me where the bathroom is familiar visitors who know where it is need Only say excuse  dear miss manners i would never ask a person their income or the Price of any Possession. However i see no harm in inquiring about the Rale charged for a service by a trades Penon who i am considering using such As someone who delivers mulch for Flower Beds or a cleaning service if they have been recommended to me by a close Friend in private. Maybe i m hopelessly gauche but i feel that the taboo against discussing Money is a Little excessive b Money really dirty i m afraid that to me it is merely a tool. You see miss manners i be been poor and i be been Rich and i be been the same person Alt along. Money holds no mystery for me with the possible exception of How swiftly it disappears. May i add that the kind of bragging about possessions and vacation spots and neighbourhoods and professions that some people indulge in seems to me More offensive in its intent to exclude persons who do not have like experiences than a mention of Money with which All of us must contend could be. Gentle Reader in general miss manners agrees with you. It is not impolite to inquire about the Price of services you plan to use provided you do not bring it up in general conversation. Simply approach the neighbor privately and say i m thinking of trying your Lawn Man. Do you mind my asking you How much he charges but where did you get the idea that Banning a topic from social conversation Means that everyone considers it dirty what does that make of the Rule that one does t discuss one s religion at the dinner table aha that s not the example you thought miss manners was going to give is it ? and where Are you Lucky enough to know people who still obey the Rule about not discussing Money miss manners who has heard a Little too much socially about real estate the Stock Market and International Exchange rates would dearly love to know them. Dear miss manners we Are alone in handling the responsibility for a wedding and want to know How one goes or if h is necessary to go to each table to Converse. What should we say when we will not know three fourths of the guests who Are business and personal friends of my daughter and her bridegroom gentle Reader ii miss manners were to find you a Way to Greet each of your guests politely and have Small but charming Exchange of words with people you hardly know she would be reinventing the receiving line. In a receiving line one welcomes every guest and gives them the Chance to offer their Good wishes. In Exchange one thanks them and adds when appropriate such polite remarks Asoh Saralinda has told me How much she enjoys working for you or we Are so delighted to meet Basil s old  miss manners urges you to receive your guests properly with the bridal couple. You and your guests having done your duty to one another in this efficient Way you will then All be free to have further conversation with whomever you choose. Dear miss manners docs inviting someone to your party even though they Are unable to accept your invitation pay Back your social debt for their party which you attended also if you do not accept an invitation Are you socially obligated to that person gentle Reader it is so rare that miss manners picks the Side of doing less rather than More that she is pleased to Tell you you Are off the Hook. You do not owe a person whose invitation you have declined nor need you persist in offering return invitations until one is accepted. Dear miss manners last year i walked into my office and found it decorated with plastic Sanu clauses plastic garlands and a plastic tree with blinking lights. My Secretary had decided to give the reception area Christmas  she had even Spray painted the windows with Snow drifts and crooked messages saying merry Christmas and season s  i was appalled but because i am a Coward and did t want to Hurt her feelings she is a Nice person and paid for the decorations herself did t ask her to undo what she had done and i suffered in silence for three weeks. She changed the window messages to Happy new year after Christmas please Tell me How i can say tactfully that i d prefer no decorations or ones reflecting a different image. Gentle Reader miss manners cannot Tell whether you object on aesthetic or religious grounds. She sympathizes with you on both but advises you not to try to Deal with the former because it is not possible to get the Kitsch out of Christmas except with the most extreme Scrooge tactics. You can gently Tell your Secretary that not everyone in the office is Christian and that you Are sure she did not intend with her kindly spirit to make anyone feel excluded. If she then alters it to represent Only the season try to Bear with it. Cleanup Day is Jan. 2. Feeling incorrect address your etiquette question in Black or Blue Black Ink on White writing paper to miss manners in care of the stars and stripes  09211, . Forces. November is 19s5 stripes Magazine