European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - December 21, 1985, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Saturday december 21, 1985 the stars and stripes Page 23 commentary Nofre Dame goes for Fife giggles Well i see where the University o Dame has finally Given the Farewell performance of the damnation of Faust a football opera in five acts where everybody Dies in the end. H s too Early to Tel who lost his soul. It was hard to take Gerry Faust seriously with that bowl haircut right out of the Gay 90s and that Hail Mary approach to football. Gerry always managed to look As if he just fell off a Hay Wagon the kind of Guy you d sell a vegetable Peeler to. He led the league in looking thunderstruck on the sidelines. He always seemed to be running around looking for somebody to explain to him what the hell was going on. Coaches fought to get on his schedule. They figured Gerry Faust s game plan was Light 8 Candle. Bui now what do we get at the Institute of our lady of the Lake comedy you look at the new coach and your first thought is my god it s Woody Allen you have to Stop yourself from asking what s the matter was Rodney Dangerfield Busy red buttons Henny Youngman notre Dame is going to play it for laughs the hallowed institution that saw George Gipp Knute Rockne the four horsemen is going to be a minstrel show they re going from Hamlet to Mack sen Natl what s next a laugh track some Guys Are coaches coaches. Lou loll to is a comedians coach. Gerry Faust gave pm scripture Lou Holtz will give them one liners. Notre Dame has t had a coach who was funny on purpose since Knute Rockne. What made Gerry Faust so endearing was he did t know he was funny. Like inspector clouseau he could t understand Why things kept blowing up in his face. What s Holtz going to do throw pies Lou is the most in coach like Mentor you la Ever Sec. During a game he paces up and Down the Side line like a caged Leopard. He logs More Miles than a drum major. He says it s because he does t want the alumni to get a Clear shot at him but it s More like he can t Bear to look at what s going on on the Field. If he sits Down hell Start to scream. Its not hard to Sec Why notre Dame wanted Lou Holt. It s less easy to Sec Why Lou Holly wanted notre Dame. It s hard to be funny when you have the Shade of George Gipp on your hands. It s hard to make jokes about shaking Down the Thunder from the sky for Loyal sons on High. Notre Dame is chronically in the grip of an athletic schizophrenia. It likes to win. But it likes to make friends. It has More than a reputation to serve. It has a religion. The two Aims Are antithetical. It s hard to make friends of people you beat 57-0. Knute Rockne was the last coach to bring this off. Rockne could whip pm and leave them laughing. Or crying. Rockne was like Chaplin. He could mix humor and pathos like a master. He could make it an Honor to get beat by him. Good coaches like Dan divine and Genius coaches like Frank Leahy would t bring this difficult double off not even winning 85"r of their games As Leahy did nor 75%, As Devinc did. Notre Dame wants its coaches to do banquet shtick Loo. It wants to preserve its image of the wisecracking irishman Given it by the Celt from the Fords of Norway Knole Rockne or that wit from inc protestant Belt George Gipp. Notre Dame needs a Little take my wife please in its program. Will Lou Holt be Able in bring it off Well Lou left pm laughing Al William and Mary where he likes to Point out he had less difficulty coaching William Mary was the hard Par. North Carolina state. Arkansas Minnesota and the new York jets. But life was t All Salter squirts and baggy pants and fake glasses. Lou had to Slop being funny on at least one occasion in his career. It happened in 1977. Lou was coaching Arkansas and inc Razorbacks were to play Oklahoma in the Orange bowl. Oklahoma was 11-1 and ranked no. 2 in the country right behind inc Pittsburgh St clerk and was favored by anything from 16 Points to Infinity As if that was t bad enough two weeks before the game Holtz got the really bad news. Two of his top running backs and a wide receiver got caught bring ing girls in inc dormitory in violation of the school s rules. Holly promptly suspended them from appearing in the Orange bowl game. They sued. Sixteen Black players on the squad Threalt cd to walk out unless they were rain staid. Sceptics thought Lou Holt had put them up to it. He had t. He told them to go ahead and Boycott. They did t. Two Days before the Orange bowl inc courts upheld Lou Holtz. On new year s Day his learn did they won. 31-6. Coach Holtz does t always play it for laughs. Bui at notre Dame they could use a Yuk or two about now. Holtz is of for Hal but personally my Choice for the Job would have been Addic Murphy. Now there s a Guy you d like to hear give the George Gipp speech. Lot Arra to times Cincy from Page 21 Denver farm team this year. Stupor 28, was 8-5 for Cincinnati last season after coming Over from St. Louis in a september 1984 Deal. Mcgaffigan 29, who was 3-3 with the reds and 11-5 at Denver in 1985, had been obtained from Montreal in july 1984, when the reds sent first baseman Dan Driessen to the expos. Bilardello 26, was a starter for the reds in parts of the 1983 and 1984 seasons but was a weak hitter and later alternated be tween a backup role with the reds and spending Lime in the team s minor league system. In 1985, he batted .167 with the reds and .242 at Denver. The reds beefed up their catching corps last season by obtaining Veteran Catcher to Diaz from Philadelphia. O Sullivan Kos Nunez for 9th straight Triumph Ottawa a welterweight Shawn o Sullivan of Toronto a 1984 olympic Silver medallist floored Ramon Nunez of Mexico with a crushing uppercut at 2 50 in the fifth of a scheduled 10-round bout thursday night to remain unbeaten after nine professional fights. After 2 decades Cosel leaves Abc to sports Abc photo to Wirra Cosell. He never played the game new York a sportscaster Howard Cosell. Who helped Lurn monday night football into a National phenomenon and Abc to sports apparently have Sev ered tics. After 20 years with Abc sports How Ard Cosell has asked to forgo his remaining 1986 commitments with Abc sports and Abc sports has agreed to his request inc television network said thursday in a re lease. In said Hal Cosell will continue to appear on the Abc radio network. He had been scheduled to broadcast the Kentucky Derby and pc Akness stakes and the tournament of champions Tennis classic next year. Cosell was the commentator on Abc s prime time coverage of National football league games from its monday night inception in 1970 until 1983. He also was part of the network s coverage of baseball s world series during 1977, 1979, 1981 and 1983. He also hosted the highly acclaimed but poorly rated sports cat television program starting in 1981. The program ended its run last . Cosell has played a very important role in Abc sports Success during the past two decades Roonce Arlodge president of Abc news and sports said. He has achieved a Well deserved superstar status in that period and his extraordinary contributions to sports journalism will not be forgot ten by inc television  after Cosell left the pro football Broad Casl Booth two years ago he criticized inc game and inc a ionization of the players. That was nothing compared with the controversy surrounding the publication this year of his second Book i never played the  in in he critic izod Many of his colleagues. Shortly thereafter Abc offered him a role As a Hosl of a world series pregame pro Gram rather than a spot in the broadcast Booth. Cosell rejected it and withdrew from the world series telecasts. Cosell who applauded Jackie Robinson s arrival As the first Black player in major league baseball gained National recognition As Abc s boxing announcer during the 1960s. In 1967, he became a celebrated figure when he defended Muhammad Ali s right to fight despite Ali s refusal to submit to military service. Most nil cardinals fined for refusing drug tests St. Louis a most members of the St. Loud Cardinal have been fined $1,000 each for refusing to take drug tests As part of their end of season physicals the National football league teams player representative said thursday. A Union official in Washington suggested thai such testing was prohibited by the co elective bargaining agreement Cuba. But in new York a spokesman for the null management Council the owners bargain ing unit said that under its interpretation Ola Section of the agreement the club was within its rights. The management spokesman also said the owners had sent a letter to the Union protesting what it said was the player representatives advising players not to take com plete postseason physicals. Cardinals guard Joe Bostic said he and his teammates were notified of the fines thursday when they showed up for prac Tice Bostic provided the information during an interview with Knox radio. The team through Public relations director Michael Menchel declined to comment on the fines saying Only a portion of the and of season physicals were Given yester Day and we have no comment beyond  the cardinals since they will not be in the playoffs conclude their season saturday against the Washington redskins. Bostic told Knox that the players through the Union representing them would most Likely seek Legal recourse against the action. I Don t want to cause a problem but we have to make a stand on what we think is right. We think the court ought to decide it. Well abide by whatever the court says Bostic told the radio station. Dick Berthelsen general counsel for the nil players association would not return phone Calls and others at the Union said Only Berthelson could discuss the Issue. Roy Jefferson a former nil wide receiver and now a Union staff representative for the cardinals and nine other teams declined to make a statement. He did read a portion of inc Cuba signed in 1982 after the 57-Day mid season strike. Jim Miller director of administration for the management Council said nil clubs arc not prohibited by the Cuba from con ducting urinalysis for drugs in the postseason physical