European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - January 29, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Page 18 the stars and stripes wednesday january 29,1986 commons looking Forward to Good old Days by Russ Kix Baker in ill old jays and i lie old Days nowadays can be just a year or to ago or even jus n Small number of Days ago because when Iacre is no sense or history left nobody can Lei precisely How Long ago he Pust occurred. Bui hat s another subject. 1 n the old Days everything was new in 1 he United s lairs am Citow to think of it in the new Days which is where we Are Row everything is old. People the Papula lion t mean old and getting of Der. The president is old the air planes Are old and worse the air plane engines arc old. The new York subway is Aid the and Man s favorite slogan new and improved is old. Of course you might Challenge this by saying the Paradox is merely linguistic Sleigh a of Lund though you might t my linguistic  i Tup pose when you can easily display a Little wit by saying linguistic sleight of Tongue though t Don t recommend that either because the instant you get witty laying things like slight of Tongue instead of sic Ghl of hand everybody will conclude thai you re a frivolous lightweight therefore unworthy of attention when challenging Tiara does. Rule one if you want to be taken seriously is always speak in cliches. Anything else forces people to listen to what you Are saying which almost always diminishes your chances of being taken seriously. But Back to the Point which is thai by saying every thing was new in lie old Days but everything is old m the new Days calling our present hour the new Days May be wrong. I can imagine n Reagan Stalwart arguing that we Are not Only in the old Days right this minute but also in the Good old Days 90, Why should t everything be old i understand such argument for Reagan Mem s goal is to move he country ahead to the Good old Days. Reagan people Don t like the new. They Don t even like the word. Rather than say new they say Neo which is the Creek word for new and you know greek one very old language right you be heard people calling themselves Neo conservatives that s because they detest the new so much they refuse local it pass their tips except m a Tongue even older than latin the so called dead Ian Gunge which is nevertheless too new for conservatives. Ask Why they Call themselves Neo Cansor valves instead of taking a stately Lanlin Noltie Tike Novi con Scriva Torch and they talk of big government Rome squandering ils budget on government financed Baths aqueducts and Arenas and lavishing the world s Best Highway construction on ingrate third world countries like Gailia Helvetia Pannonia and Brittania i sympathize with the  desire o move ahead to the Good old Days. I liked the Good old Days when the air planes were new and even better the air plane engines were new. When he subway was new when the interstate highways had no potholes and when Bridges weren t rolling into the Rivers. When he Airport reminded you of Buck Rogers in inc z5th Cen Tury instead of a refugee Camp. When the things you Bough could be thrown away after they lived their predestined life spans from drawing Board to Jun Pilc and replaced with things thai were new and top Ovid. It would be Fine to move ahead to those Good old Days Back there but there is a problem maintenance. Americans can t do maintenance. What americans do Best is build something new and persuade themselves that it is aha improved even when is in the heyday of planned obsolescence for the Detroit Auto the new improved product is even worse than term one that fell apart while it was still an infant. The very idea of maintenance has always been the repugnant essence of everything that is not american. Europeans those Fuddy Duddy europeans maintained things. Those old cathedrals those antique cars these rundown estates where a fellow with gel up und go could make a Fortune with a Bulldozer and a dime store blueprint for tract housing. We have despised maintenance Loo deeply to bother learning it. And he problem with forging ahead to the Good old Day is thai you re bound o hate it when you arrive unless somebody has been maintaining every Iii in your absence. If nobody has. Nothing is going to look Good old Daysy. It s just going to be Junky and rundown and if that includes even the air plane engines depressing a bowl. To new York Tom hold on for a masterful interlude by Art Buchwald there was a Lime when if you wanted to hear Good music you put on a record or attended a concert. Now All you have to do is pick up the Telephone and dial an institution. As soon As they put you on hold you can enjoy the great masterpieces of All Lime. A big fan of this Lype of music is Stuart Boiman. He maintains the Only Way you can really appreciate the classics is to be Eft hanging on the line waiting for a live person to talk to Yuu. Once you listen to Mozart on the phone you never want to hear him live again Stuart said. "1 did t know you could get Mozart on the Tele phone i said. You d be surprised what you can get he said. The other Day t called to make an airline reservation to Atlanta and was plugged into Handel s Messiah " is Messiah s favorite of yours it was t. But i had to wait so Jong in now i know the lyrics by  what has been the most memorable music Ever played for you on the phone 1 asked Stuart. I once dialled Sears Roebuck about a Lawn Mower Sale and they immediately switched me to "aida.1 at the finish i ids my head and started shouting encore encore and the clerk Hung up on  i be called Sears Many times and i be never heard  they Only play him during Columbus Day sales Stuart said. If i wanted to hear some Good music what company would you suggest i dial?1 american express has excellent taste. If you Call their credit card complaint department they will pipe in the glue Danube " thai s no big Deal. My Gas company plays the Blue Danube every time they Pul me on  the difference is american express pipes theirs in live from  he then explained to me Whit was going on. In the beginning most firms did t pay much attention of the music they played. But As they kept ii tins personnel there were fewer employees to answer the phone. So with a smaller staff he companies had to play Lunger pieces. The Days of piping in begin the beguine Are Over the average wait for a car rental Agency 10 take your Call now is at least a by Cloven symphony "1 did t realize so much thinking went into  answering  ill prove it to you Stuart said. I m going to dial the is. They Almazi put you on  he handed the receiver to me. 1 listened and then said Don t believe it. 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