European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - April 21, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse Page 18 the stars and stripes monday april 21. 1986 More advice than you really want by Andy Rooney i be been ignoring advice on How to take care of my body since i was 12. That was when the first dentist told me to Brush my Teeth twice a Day. I have never brushed my Teeth twice a Day. I believe the dentist was right. 1 concede i should Brush my Teeth twice a Day but i do not. Mca culpa. It s not that i m disrespectful of doctors or that i believe what they re telling me is wrong. It s just that frankly i Don t have a lot of time to devote to living forever. I probably would t say this to a doctor face to face but i have a sneaking suspicion that eventually something s going to get me that the doctor cannot anticipate. I d feel like a fool if i spent half my life eating food i did t like because it was Good for me and then died in an automobile Accident. There s More advice available on every hand on How to stay healthy than most of us have time to take. A week Seldom goes by that you Don t read something new. A staff of research doctors May have determined that sliced bread is the principal cause of something. They studied a group of 100 men in the Harvard class of 1940 and found that of the 50 who ate sliced bread Only 41 Are still alive and Well. Of the 50 who sliced their own bread or ate Rolls 42 Are alive and Well. Along with the announcement comes the warning that this is a preliminary finding and there is a great Deal More work to be done on sliced bread. I be made a Compromise with doctors 1 take their advice when i like it or when it s convenient and i reject their advice when it conflicts with that phrase i Don t care much for my lifestyle. The last time i went to my doctor he asked if i ate bran for breakfast. I said i did not eat bran intentionally at All. He said try eating bran for breakfast and lose some weight Here again i be compromised. I bought a Box of Kellogg s All bran Cereal and i be been having some of it on either saturday or sunday morning for the past month. I like almost any Grain Cereal so eating bran is not a hardship for me. If the doctor asks me if i be been eating bran for breakfast next time i see him i la be Able to Tell him that i have. What i May not reveal to him is that it tastes Best with Cream or half and half on it doctors Are As susceptible to medical fads As Chil Dren Are to the latest mechanical toy advertised on television. Doctors read some study published in a medical journal and they Are so taken with the sense it makes that they find a Way to make it pertain to most of the patients they treat. In the past few years i be worried about the possibility that there is Asbestos in the ceiling tiles Over my head that the shoes i m wearing May be affecting my posture and account for the discomfort i sometimes feel running Down the Back of my leg that Coffee causes deterioration of my pancreas that playing ten Nis in the Sun could produce malignant skin lesions that butter clogs my arteries and that Bourbon May kill my brain cells. This is not a complaint against the medical profession. They re doing exactly what they should be when they Issue All these warnings. They re trying desperately to do the right thing for All of us and they know so much More than we know about our bodies that they take these research reports seriously. On the other hand they have to be sympathetic to our problem. Doctors for us Are much like air plane pilots who having seen the weather ahead know what a dangerous trip it could be. We re willing to fasten our seat belts if they Tell us to but we know there s not much else we can do about it so we sit Back in the Cabin Reading our newspapers. We know too that if the plane crashes the seat Belt won t help. It s like All bran. C Tribune Media services keep your similes Shorf and fresh by James j. Kilpatrick the device of the simile by which a writer effectively compares a to a is a useful item in our Toolbox. If you would try your hand at similes and you should try your hand let me offer a word of advice keep pm Short. Brevity is the soul of the simile. To be sure the comparisons have to be fresh and accurate but if a simile is stretched too Long like a rope of Taffy it is Likely to get unmanageable. You will get in no trouble by writing of something As the smile on the lips of Mona Lisa " but the effect is lost if you write of something As Subtle As the enigmatic smile on the lips of Leonardo a Vinci s immortal la Gioconda better known As Mona Lisa " i was thinking about All this the other Day in reread ing John be Carre s novel a Small town in Ger it s an absorbing yarn made All the More delightful by be Carre s Mastery of the language. Here he is talking about St. James Park in London along the Lake girls Lay like Cut Flowers in the unnatural heat of a sunday afternoon in be Carre s principal character is a kind of super cop who at one Point enters the lobby of the american embassy in Bonn his heels had Metal quarters and they echoed against the pseudo Marble Walls like shots on a Valley one incident involves a tedious formal dinner at which a guest takes too much Burgundy aboard. His adoring Young wife continues to cast him admiring glances but the remaining guests Are dying of bore Dom. Behind them two hungarian servants moved like nurses along the the guest of Honor endures the tedium his White hands were folded like Nap Kins beside his the adoring Young wife com mits a conversational Gaffe. The table is suddenly silent. Once More the conversation Lay like a fallen notice if you will How tidily be Carre compresses his similes. These Are instant images and they pack an instant Wallop. Novelist Ross Macdonald had the same gift. In the Way some people die he wrote of a Man with a belly Large and pendulous shaped like a tear about to he described a cheap nightclub it had More decorations than a briefcase All of us can recall other similes that stick in one s memory. There was the fellow with a terrible hangover whose Mouth tasted like the inside of a Motorman s one gifted writer spoke of a character As Graceful As Jackie Gleason getting out of a Graham Greene once compared a Row of crows to a Row of old broken Black umbrellas. Let me pass along another trick of the writer s Art. These similes took Wing because their authors had looked intently intently at the world around them. Be Carre had looked at Cut Flowers and White napkins and fallen kites he had heard shots echoing off mountainsides and he had stored these observations for the Day when he would want to say some thing about girls in Spring frocks about Pudgy hands about a collapsed conversation. Macdonald had tucked away images of teardrops and top. Brass. Our minds have to function like lumberyard where we store pieces of Wood for future use. The images will be there when we need them. C Universal press researcher Dies of cancer Ann Arbor Mich. A Henry Van Der Schalie an authority on parasitic diseases and founder of a re search Center at the University of Michigan has died of cancer at age 79. Iduas &45am uhen the night Porter Signe for the a mob fro mar tuft. Today s crossword by Eugene Sheffer across1 cakes and n 4 kind of Energy 9 stomach 12 Roll out the carpet 13 part of a Stein line 14 mine output 15 natural illumination 17 undivided18 ice in Bonn 19 deserved 21 japanese Robe 24 goad 25 Bachelor s last words 26 conclude 28 decree 31 one armed Bandit feature 33 one of the Caesars 35 old orgy cry 36 Spanish gentleman 38 dry As wine 40 High note 41 portico 43 made of Flowers 45 decapitate 47 eternity 48 Samuel s Mentor 49 translucent Gem 54 treat hides 55 expunge 56 word after police or Prairie 57 Donkey in France 58 restrain 59 work unit Down 1 fortify 2 Zodiac lion 3 Tokyo once 4 Salty 5 prayers 6 Pilot s record 7 fireplace residue 8 record again 9 Andy Williams hit solution time 26 min. N llbamil6bf Melelio Airt in Lei Iii h3s1 10 British composer 11 Gardener s Bane 16 plasm or Natal preceded 20 impolite 21" me Kate 22 vain 23 illicit liquor 27 prefix for band or bar 29 soft drink 30 River Duck 32 carry 34 Pentagon s concern 37 wandered 39 More intimate 42 worship 44 Canadian 45 prov. Gamma ia1giaii i n 4-21 saturday s Puzzle Grain i poem 52 and not 53 Melet ingredient 1 25 3t 36" 45 48 54 57 46 41 13 16 18 32 26 37 49 55 58 33 42 27 38 50 19 34 43 47 28 39 20 35 44 14 17 40 10 29 11 30 51 56 59 52 53 4-21 Hubert m worried about a o3oh, look dear Mother Hubert j1 brought Hoaeae some 3wfe be finitely ban Ana Cream pie of slowing own a �1986 King Fea Luies Syndicate inc world not is reserved
