European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - April 30, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse Page 18 the stars and stripes wednesday april 30, 1986 columns going ouf in Fyfe but informal by Andy Rooney once or twice a year for As Long As i can remember someone i know has died and i be attended the service. I would t say what kind of service i d like to have for myself on the occasion of my death because i still enter Tain the Hope of immortality. No one s overdone it before but there s got to be a first time for everything. If i do Ever die which As i say seems unlikely to me i d like friends to gather and talk. Talk about me and themselves in relation to me the Way they did at a service 1= attended the other Day for Ned Calmer the Long retired lbs new correspondent. Ned was never a close Friend but i knew him first As a War correspondent in 1945. Years later i worked with him for two years on the worst lbs morning news broadcast in All the Long hard history of lbs morning news Broad casts. It was called the will Rogersjr. Show and Ned did the news every morning. He was the Only thoroughly professional person on the show. Often by the time the show was nearing its end things had become so confused that we d be two or three minutes Short. On those Occa Sions the producer would ask Ned at the very last minute to extend the news by three minutes. When his news re port was Only to have been a few minutes to begin with that was t easy but Ned always pulled it off. The memorial service was held at the player s club a grand old institution in a grand old Brownstone building in new York City. Doug Edwards and Walter Cronkite were there but so was a distinguished collection of television people who do not appear on camera. It was informal. There was one Long thin table near the Middle of the room Laden with Good things to eat and there were drinks of All kinds available. The somber tones of serious talk mingled with quite a bit of laughter. Everyone there had had some special Tim with Ned and they were talking about it. Each reminded the other of another incident another facet of Ned s personality. It was absolutely the Best kind iof memorial serv ice because everyone was remembering All the things they liked about Ned. Finally someone began banging on. Art empty Glass for attention and i thought to myself How much better i liked the sounds i was hearing than the ones i usually hear at formal funeral. I a in in Law calling for attention. He obviously liked Ned but their relationship was not so close that he had any trouble maintaining his composure. He spoke briefly and eloquently and then called on several close relatives. One grand soil in his Early 20s said that when he and his wife were told of Ned s death by phone they were about to have dinner. The sad news took their appetite away. They sat there he said wanting to do something but not know ing what to do. At that moment you Felt How they Felt. Finally he said they decided to write a poem. Ned Handwritten four novels while he was a lbs correspondent and after he retired in 1967, he wrote seven More. The grand son and his wife decided to write a poem and use the. Titles of All 11 of Ned s books in it. The Young Man them read the poem he and his wife Hadri in in the emotional moments after they first heard of Ned s death it was not great literature and yet in those circumstances it was funny,.clever and touching. An actor named Guy Repp had been a Friend of Ned s since they both worked As messenger boys delivering libretto to performers for the metropolitan opera he told of Ned memorizing them during Long bus. Rides Ned had been to the opera in every major City in the world. One relative told How Ned used to like to take him to the. Metropolitan. He said whenever they went to see die meistersinger in new York Ned insisted that they sit in the top Balcony and eat hard boiled eggs during the intermission because that s what everyone did in Nuernberg where it originated. A we a Loulli Al have such a Fine memorial service asked s wife Gloria had for him c Tribune Media. Services aspiring authors abound in by Art Buchwald it was monday afternoon and everyone in the White House was Bent Over his desk hard at work on his Book. David Stockman had inspired the entire administration to pursue writing careers. Harlequin looked up from his typewriter what s the vice president s first name he yelled above the Din. I think it s Harry no it s George Stretcher said.1 envy you. I m not even up to How we took my publisher said to Start with Libya and work Back was. Did you have any Luck with the paperback rights harlequin Shook his head. No but lbs wants to see a typed manuscript. They re thinking of doing behind closed doors ii " will you Guys shut up Beerbaum said. I m written the definitive chapter on Mike harlequin was flabbergasted. What right do you have to write about Deaver you hardly knew the i knew him Well enough to buy a Bow from him " harlequin turned red in the face. Deaver belongs to me. I taught him everything he knows about acid Okay ill give you Deaver for your Book if you give me Meese for mine,"1 Beerbaum said. Harlequin thought it Over and then said it s a Deal. But from now on i m going to write about anybody in the White House i want the phone rang and Stretcher picked it up. A gee or. Regan i d love to do it but i m working on my Book Why Reagan s roses failed is it really important. It s for the president to read to a joint session of Congress before we go into Nicaragua. Wow this is a. Moment in history. Can you Tell me who exactly was in the Oval office when the president decided. Don t yell Don t yell. I la write the Damn Stretcher Hung up. Wait until i a my observation on Regan. He in be sorry he talked to me like that " Dumbarton who had been correcting galleys looked up and said was Bob Mcfarlane National Security advise before Al Haig or after him Haig was never Security adviser. Mcfarlane took Over from Clark who replaced Richard Allen. Haig was Secre tary of state and he was succeeded by George you re making a mistake including facts Stretcher said. The publishers Don t want history. They want reputations wrecked character assassinations and Cut Throat ing of the first order. That s Why they re offering us such Large sums of harlequin said have you been offered a Large sum of Money not yet but my agent tells me when they see my chapter on Pat Buchanan s tantrums i m a sure Book of the month " the phone rang again. This time Beerbaum answered. Yes or. President. You would like to redo your entire fiscal budget. Yes sir it can be done but could it wait until tomorrow i m researching the upstairs downstairs part of my Book and i be set up an interview this afternoon with the chef. While i be got you on the line or. President what do you eat for breakfast. Yes sir or. President i Olget on the fiscal policy right Beerbaum said was he burned harlequin said you Lucky dog. You can now write an entire chapter on How you were personally chewed out by Ronald Reagan. I wish he had fired me Beerbaum said. When you get canned by the president you sell a lot More c los Angeles times a Small . Aviv Pound of the most Sci urious Gomti by now available in Captain Clype s Jssgtall-am5r1cah chocolate Chip it Hail Yin South gotta Quinn Trust. \ today s crossword by Eugene Sheffer across 1 hindu garment5 tibetan Gazelle 8 recedes12 like of bricks 13 free 14 hero of a hindu epic15 it s used by Gary player 17 Ball of thread 18 moslem Nobles Var. 19 elevates21 tear 22 coarse file 23 seance sound26 jewel 28 the of a clown"31 israeli port 33 june Bug 35 at the of a hat36 wild 38 Church Bench 40 opener 41 actor Kristof Ferson 56 hawaiian wind 57 Kimono Obi 58 communist43 card game 59 picnic u45 american Indian 47 european Clover 51 philippine termite 52 traveler on foot 54 items in Santa bag 55 French season pests Down 1 icelandic tale 2 minute particle 3 part 4 deduce 5 seized firmly 6 fuel 7 austrian psychiatrist solution time 28 min. Yesterday s answer 8 enclosed in a Box 9 Aaron Sarena 10 fruit decay 11 maxims16 ship s prison 20 totem pole 23 ump s Cousin 24 pub order 25 Scenic roads27 swab 29 caviar 30 undercover agent 32 Sully 34 passed on37 be incumbent39 sheep s clothing occupant 42 de Norton Milieu 44 japanese seaport45 butter Servings 46 wild of 48 press 49 City in Ohio 50 epochs 53 supped 18 3 3 36" 45 54 24 46 25 21 32 16 26 37 13 .19 33 42 52 55 58 38 53 34 43 47 20 28 39 14 17 35 44 56 59 40 48 10 29 49 11 30 50 4-30 Hubert my my just look Juty 19381 runner up id the slate fair Queen 6 1960 King features Syndicate. Inc world Nihls i Pont Tell me Pip y0u hear the cow came that Paushter Knock it off Hubert
