European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - May 15, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Columns mice tales help when work s at a Snail s Pace by John Windrow so i if columnist  the news desk udi Dull  and it s a Good tiling i work Wilh .1 Kiriy like frenchy who knows How  n yarn. Take llu1 other Day when to were searching for i weird Story to brighten up fs0 12. A f Jet 5 find wares Page. There s nothing Here,".frcnchy said except j Pii Iri Boul a poisonous Snail in the South Fae stir that has killed at least 20  to can i make fun of people getting killed mid. It s called the Coos Goon Raphus and it infects is venom with a disposable Loolah frenchy said. I could Tell he was getting excited. Frenchy loves exotic bizarre stories especially sex and death stories. He missed his calling. He should be working for the papers thai sell in supermarkets i h headlines Jixie Tahiti terror killer Snail Biles Beauly in Bikini save it for the night desk 1 said. Maybe they la make a world news Brief Oil of  a Tariff frenchy mumbled to himself awhile. This wire service stinks frenchy said. We Luven i had anything Good since the Story Aboul the by who somersault a the length of Paul Revere s ride  of i Don t know 11 said trying to console him. We had the transsexual Beauty contest that of Wiit l miss Mani id ". Frenchy scrolled through the Dupal Chason the computer . I i mild write a tilter stuff than it is Riboul my own of Rcpt in cps he said. Liki what. Will for thy said rubbing Hisham ref i. Puld Wriler about will the Junir i  in my House when 1 lived in Smith Louisiana. Kris body Junke Fri itchy ". A if � i had m n i " ill nit1 Ishmil  or lived Way out ill tin Rtin Oliy in Slid in tin Middle  enormous  i Iii Fields like i a Kern in ran All around us. Noi another Hist Lor mile. There were mice in thir sugar Cam,1, millions and million1 of  they ale the sugar can i said. Sire icy did. Hordes of Chi Iii tie Humours out there munching away Day m All corralled up in one Bunch he d freeze on a Point like a Bird dog waiting for the cats Toroc Ului the Tats  in move. I d i i l up 10 Klo the  at Nielli ind it i on  thin Jet ill inc Way in lilo Loik to. I d in ski up i Vii mint Foo tie twon my frenchy weight morcthan2qq.\ did you t r Interr cats. No j find Guvi Nti his Boa oni Lii u f. It  1.1 Fiu i Long. I Rii Imi was cart. Lif Guiod la fort of cur Mirt 143 Thor fool 50 Nii i to ,1 m  ij1 my Friend did t it la me liar had Iirth Eiliv he d wrap Bim Scalf around the Ninus. Bill he run Len l is i t 7t. Tiny Norv. The mouse would Btl Yinti hero  Rinju and Earl would look at me with Lear. In i eyes because his Stu Lexer would t work. There s nil hint sadder than a Boa with Back  did Earl starve ". Naw i u5tjd o catch the Moue by the Tail rap his Hill on a Doorknob to stun him real Good anti then put him Back inside Earl s Coil. Earl would think hit d paralysed the mouse and then he d gobble ii Rij it Down. Bui thai took too much  Why did i you move move frenchy said throwing out his hand and looking up at the heavens. Sixteen huge rats a nutty dog an arthritic Boa Constrictor and to wants to know Why i did t move most places won t even Lake  you re not  any of this up Are you i said make it up stranger thing than that move on the wires every Day. Remember when we go inc Story about the Guy who went to bed drunk Wilh a pistol on the nigh Island and when the phone Ranju he woke up grabbed the pistol said hello and shot his ear off t surely Hope the  enquirer does t Hirn him away from us. What to do when the Best Man is a woman by miss manners United feature Syndicate dear miss manners my husband to be will be having a woman As his Best Man. We be been referring to her As inc Best  she is and has been for Many years his closest Friend and Uherc to no doubt in his mind that she is the Only person fit for the Honor. I support him completely in this decision that is not the Issue. The Issue is what should she Wearl it s going to be a morning wedding and the Groom and my lather will Wear morning suits. The Matron of Honor will be wearing a Lavendar Street length dress. There will also be a Flower girl and a ring bearer. The suggestions i be had so far Are a dress Matching the Matron of Honor s but without a bouquet or a feminine suit skill and jacket Man s suit is Oul of the question Ulm about Hokey my main concern is that she not stick Oul like sore thumb. Gentle Reader if your wish is to retain he spirit of the Rote of wedding attendant by according each position to the person most suited to it regardless of gender. Miss manners is thoroughly with you. She hat had quite enough of bridal couples who Are More interested in the theatrical effect than in who is with Thini Ai the altar. But if you keep Ollir Ukini of it As a gentleman s Rolf which is to be played by a Lidy As the Mere horrible mention of her wearing a Man s suit suggests she wants nothing to do Wilh you. Had your Best Friend been a gentleman she Hopes Thiol would have been no la a of pulling him in a flowered dress Wilh a Long Bow Down the Back and a floppy Garden Hal. Your husband s Aitken Darji a hound be dressed As a lady member of the bridal parly equivalent to your Matron of Honor. They need t match exactly but should be distinguished slightly from inc bridesmaids. If the female attendants carry bouquets there is no reason Why the Best person should t. Dear miss manners i often find that my dinner guests disapprove of my food or wine. Allergies aside and assuming nothing More bizarre than mushrooms or shellfish to what lengths must a hostess go to please her guest so if a guest is making a valiant Effort to choke Down the food but i obviously nauseated should one pretend that the distress is not evident or offer to provide an Melet if the guests bring along children who Don t eat anything stranger than meat and potatoes is one obliged to prepare a second dinner if one knows the guests like Sweet White wine with everything from fillet of sole to roast beef is one expected to serve ill and How does one handle guests who fish out whatever they Don t eat and pass it Dawn to someone who does whatever happened to manners gentle Reader whatever indeed Don t Btl miss manners brooding on that one or Well still be at the table when the Sun comes up. Thu hostess s duties Are to provide food Hal she believes her guests will enjoy Loaid them if they. Arc in obvious distress and otherwise ignore i Cir eating habits. The last two arc relatively simple. If a Jilin is nauseated show him to a bathroom. If he is not gobbling Clown everything you provide or is. Comm iding the rudeness of a joking exchanges from his plate with other guests pretend not to notice. It is no favor to keep after a Gucci who May not be hungry or who hates everything you May think of until you find something you can cram Down him. As for providing agreeable meals there is Only so much a person not in the restaurant business can do. If guests allergies antipathies or other dietary restrictions arc known la the hostess she should plan her menu accordingly. Exotic foods should Only be served to those known to like adventurous eating. It is also gracious to provide things you know will be appreciated even if that Means providing an icky wine in addition to the one which inc sensible guest will drink. Beyond All that you Are not responsible if your guests or their children arc food fusses. It is they who should then have the sense to recognize this liability by stuffing themselves before going out and using dinner Lime to socialize which is whal visiting is All about anyway. Have an etiquette question t please address to miss manners in care of the Stan and stripes Apo 09211, . Forces. May 75,79s6 Aripa Magazine