European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - May 25, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Sunday May 25, 1986 the stars and stripes Page 11 letter Arm Landers barrage of replies to writer of child abuse letter i was amused and then alarmed by the recent letter on child  i am compelled to respond. The amusement came As i cast myself in the role of the harried Parent. Visualize the following scenario i have spent several hours attempting to instill the basics of English grammar into a number of teen age minds. The last 45 minutes have been de voted to driving students Home from school on a bus whose diesel engine tops 90 Deci Bels. Add to this cacophony the chaos Gen crated by the older students san Aming my porsche or my Mercedes whenever an appropriate vehicle appears in the oncoming lanes. My Ferrari is usually Good for three minutes of  out pandemonium the noisy bus route is finished. I am free to take my three children and one charge and go Home. I remember that i need milk. I Park the car and Start unloading children. On two the acc whoops there goes one bouncing into the traffic Lane i catch the nearest appendage and stand the child next to the car with a Stern warning to the effect of please be careful you could get run Over that  but As i reach in to get the baby out of the safety scat the same errant child proceeds to dash around the car it is the last Straw. 1 grab the child my nerves shot and i say those dreadful words Stop that and behave yourself or you la get a  a fiendish cliche perhaps. But the imminent danger to the child precludes my stopping to formulate a Sweet kind suggestion instead of emitting a harsh threat thes an Lpes european edition capt Dale k. Patterson us editor in chief cmdr Jeffrey Zakem us Deputy editor in chief . Blackwell a Proctor a. Mcdermott product lion manager managing de. Circulation manager this newspaper is an author lied unofficial  members of the military services overseas. 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Newburg 06j51 a Mil Nasur 043si 44243 . 209. A Well. Perhaps i am forgiven. The letter writer was describing cases where no potential danger exists. I have to agree with him. I also Sec too Many parents slap Ping and snapping at their children for no apparent reason. I cannot however and this is where the alarm registered concur with his assertion that children should be left to their own devices especially in Public a child docs not have the right any More than an adult docs to infringe upon the sanity of those with whom he must share breathing space. No child should be allowed to go on a spree through the commissary discovering How everything tastes. No certain things must necessarily remain undiscovered by Little hands. And As the Law holds parents Pecunia Rily liable for their children s mis deeds we As parents have an incentive to Sec that they arc not left to their own devices. To pop another Bubble in the Stream from the writer s Wand children do not learn Good sense As it applies to Public situations simply by observing How their parents behave. From the child s View Point the parents arc simply doing Boring mundane adult Type activities. The child therefore decides to do some Normal child Type activities running and skipping dismantling discovering if you will and he must be taught that this is after  primarily an adult world and situations exist in which it is not desirable for the child to exhibit totally childlike behaviour he must be trained albeit with love to behave in a socially acceptable Way. Let s teach our children to do right. We owe it to them to provide firm control and Clear guidelines Between which they can learn while respecting those near whom they must live. Mary e. Luce Ludwigshafen Germany. Well what to do then if a child does t follow a Parent s right example commend them for being Independent and Strong willed the same Book that encourages parents to use the Rod also commands parents not to provoke their children to Wrath i.e., Don t frustrate them. This is As the writer states mental and emotional abuse. And it can Lead to insecurity and a loss of self esteem in a child. But consistent Loving discipline to in clude the Rod will strengthen the Bond Between a child and his her parents. It demonstrates a Parent s concern and it identifies for the children what boundaries they can operate in. When parents Don t set these boundaries for their children they in effect keep them guessing As to what is allowable or not. That is mental and emotional child abuse. And it leads to the scenes which the letter writer found so objectionable. Mark l. Loncar hell Nikon a Greece. As part of the child s developmental process the child must also be taught when and where to sit quietly hard As that might be. A child being told to sit quietly out from under the feet of adults is not child abuse As you would infer it is common sense and in Many cases far safer for the child. How Many times have you tripped Over or bumped into a child unattended because the parents were too Busy to in it trekkie convention there will be sur Ink convention sap. A Al the Youin Hilel in Wehs Ambrunn Nuernberg. The confirmed  of Honor win be Mart Lenard Moil famous at or. Speck s lather ambassador Strek and Alio loudly remembered n the Gorilla general Urko in the to Urlet plane of the apes and Kim Bermill owner Aaron Slem to in Iha to series Here come the  realm alien Lee i 110 do and the Pike Lor me youth Hostel is Aboul 41 do tar three nights Lood ii you d like More Imo Rowlton Aboul the wormhole convention please Contact Claudia Weltsman Stahl Kulzer Strasse 9 8510 Fuerth West Germany sure that the child understood How he she was expected to behave. Leave a child to his or her own de vices Are you crazy do you Haw any  just what a child can devise in just u Short time yes allow a child to learn but in the proper places supervised playgrounds schools your Home not in laundromats exchanges. Heaters commissaries churches and restaurants. The Best thing they can be taught Here is How to behave in Public. Society will expect it later. Some children can be told Only once what to do and will do it without question. Others need an explanation of Why their behaviour must be such and the consequences if they Don t. Still others Only get the message after a swat on the rear. Don t misunderstand. I am very much against child abuse in  forms but i am also a Strong believer that children need to learn that they can t run wild in Public places. One of the Best ways for parents to learn How to discipline their children is step being taught through army Community service. Children arc never too Young to learn the word  Linda d. Swink Butzbach Germany. The writer says we who discipline our children arc sadists child abusers Idi ots and mentally immature. I hate to Dis appoint this gentleman but he s got the picture  wrong. I truly love my children. They arc god s most wonderful gift to us. What kind of Parent would i be to let my children do whatever they please How much respect will i earn from them when they grow older when they leave Home for a life of their own will they recognize the authority of the Law their teachers or their Boss i want my children to know that i love and care for them enough to take the time to spank them when they be done wrong and to Praise them when they arc Good. I want them to grow up with a sense of responsibility a respect for authority and most of  a Strong set of moral values to discern Between right and wrong. I realize that these qualities arc unfashionable in an age where the world cries if it feels Good do it but i will raise my Chi Dren the Way god has asked me to. I discipline them because 1 love them. Pamela Pharris upper Heyford England. Yes child abuse is the most terrible problem we have in our society today. However what you stated As examples of child abuse is discipline. How can you con fuse the two parents discipline their children out of love. Discipline is necessary in child development. You said a two to five year old does t understand what behave your self Means. He might not be Able to re cite the dictionary definition but he should know by the tone of voice that he has done something he should t have and you want him to Stop it now. Soap boxes state on either Side of the Carton that the contents Are harmful if swallowed and irritating to eyes and mucous membranes. Parents can t let Chil Dren discover everything for themselves that could be harmful to the child As Well As your personal items such As stereos Tavsan dvrs. This is such a one sided View of raising children taking examples from the laundromat or Exchange Only when things that have to be done Are being interrupted by a Loo Active child. Of course you will see parents lose their patience. Have you Ever followed these same parents and children to the Park or to the Cream stand have you Ever watched these families at a backyard Barbecue gel involved with the organization on your base that deals with child abuse. Not Only will you learn More about it you just might Stop belittling parents who Are try ing to raise their children to become inde pendent ambitious and responsible adults. He Lamina k. Jones in Ciurlik Turkey dear Ann Landers there arc a lot of jokes about mothers who complain be cause their sons never Call them but it s not funny. I know the problem Well be cause i have such a son. I look upon his wife As my daughter so that s not the problem. I m sure they Don t realize How much it would mean to me to be called just to Sec How i am. They Are very Bright people yet they have not figured this out. Another thing they have not figured out is that i feel awful to be called Only when they need Money. I have never failed to help them out but it hurts to know that this is the Only place i fit into their lives. I am quite self sufficient and do pretty Well generally but i feel abandoned and lonesome at times. I should also Tell you that i am not a complainer a bore nor am i demanding or Bossy. I do not inflict my self on people nor am i a self pitying Type. Maybe you arc wondering Why i Don t Tell my son and his wife How i feel. I have too much Pride. I want them to want me and i would feel undignified begging for attention. I May tear this letter up but if i mail it i Hope you will print it. I la but there arc an awful lot of mothers in Ann Landers read ing audience who will Sec themselves today. A mum mom somewhere in the . Dear mum you have written a letter that is sure to hit a number of mothers Between the eyes. You can be sure this column will be mailed to hundreds if not thousands of children around the world. Dear Ann Landers honestly sometimes you amaze me i could t believe my eyes when i read in a recent column whoever it was who said the love of Money is the Root of  evil knew what he was talking about that s what you wrote. With  the people around to keep you from goofing up How come nobody caught this Gaffe the person who uttered those famous words was the apostle Paul in his letter to Timothy i Timothy 6 10. Ever hear of the new testament Chattanooga Reader dear out actually i m a Little belter acquainted with the old testament but that s no excuse. I did t know who said it but i do now. More than 4,000 people wrote to set me straight and the letters Are still coming. For shame dear Ann Landers i am a 30-year-old male with a steady Girlfriend and a Normal sex life. When Sara docs not spend the night with me i sleep with my Teddy Bear. She is the one who gave me the Teddy but she does t know i sleep with it. I know it does t seem right for a Guy my age to sleep with a kid s toy but when i m holding that Teddy Bear i sleep so Well it s like i have no cares or worries in the world. When i was Little i did t sleep with any stuffed animals. This just started a year ago when Sara gave me this wonder Ful Little Teddy. Do you think i should see a psychiatrist i worry about this regression to childhood. Please give me your opinion. The Bear facts in Bayside dear Bay not to worry. If the Teddy 1s a Comfort to you go ahead and sleep with it obviously the symbolism is Clear. Teddy is a substitute for Sara. All letters to the editor must contain the full printed name and address of the writer and must be signed. We do not read unsigned letters but we will withhold you name on request and protect your privacy. All letters Are subject to editing