European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - June 12, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse Columns our fair feathered friends deserve respect too by John Windrow stall columnist what have we done for our dear Friend the Chicken lately not i Heck of a lot. Those do gooder types who Are always running about trying to right wrongs should get themselves in o lather about this. The Chicken which provides us with eggs for breakfast feathers for pillows cockfight for amuse men and Fried delicacies for the supper table gels precious Little respect. I happen to be in admirer of the Chicken and i would like to Sec something done about this. Not Only Are chickens unappreciated there Are even people who abuse chickens. An acquaintance of mine used to be a smoke jumper out West. When he was in his cups be used to Tell a Sunry about a Bunch of his colleagues who leaped out of a piano and took a Chicken along releasing Ilai approximately 1,000 feel. He said the Chicken sailed along rather serenely for a time flapping its wings and Ihen resting which seems logical to me. They descended together the smoke jumpers and their Loyal Chicken. Chickens naturally stay close to people in Lime of stress Bui when they reached ground Zero the Chicken was resting instead of flapping and crashed into Terra Firma. The fiends found this amusing. In my idyllic youth 1 communed with chickens on a daily basis. In Tennessee everybody had them scratching around the House even town folks. A lot of those Yare is did t have too much going for them but if a Man had a few car tires lying around with Flowers planted in them 3 big Pecan tree with the trunk painted White a Cement Bird Bath and a flock of colourful chickens clucking away it did wonders. Of course the chickens ate the Flowers but the people in the House ate the chickens. After time had its Way Wilh the people they were buried and mourners brought Flowers. Mother nature is big on moving in circles. I knew a Man named Lee who lived in a ramshackle falling Down farm House across the Railroad from our place. Chickens were his passion. He kept a flock that blackened the skies when they look Wing about the Yard and scratched the Earth Bare for Miles. When Lee s roosters crowed at Sunrise the Teves Ell off the Trees. Wolves howled. Cattle stampeded in every direction. We were walking about his place one Day surrounded by a legion of milling chickens every one of them looking exactly like All the others. Suddenly Lee grabbed one. Look at this Hen boy he said eagerly she s got an extra toe on each to turned her upside Down and there they were extra t jes there s no Way i can describe How Ilir ill those hundreds of chickens looked to me. Tha Man knew his chickens. I was in his House once chatting with his wife. A Little Brown Hen sit next to me on the divan. We were watching to together this merry Hen and i when she started to cackle and then walked away leaving a freshly Laid egg behind her. Miss Elvira i said this Chicken has Laid an egg right Here on your she turned a warm smile on her Hen of in t she Sweet of miss Elvira said. A Man on another nearby farm raised fighting roosters blazing brightly coloured fireballs with red eyes and talons like razors. Cockfight were illegal so Buck travelled by night Wilh crates of fighting roosters packed in his trunk. I be seen them Chase dogs out of the Yard. You gotta be careful Wilhem Buck said. They re Worth a lot of Money but if you Don t watch out they la fight till they re All dead. They Don t know what it Means to of valiant Noble Chicken where Are your monuments your National holidays of re cognition Why Aren t there any major league baseball teams named for chickens the Cincinnati chickens the Boston i.1 , the Chicago fuckers the St. Louis leghorn the san Francisco fowls it s time Lor people to get behind the Chicken. Consider this june 5 up report in Sheridan ore., some 26,000 dead chickens buried in .1 pit exploded scattering pieces of poultry 40 eel Chicken grower Larry Mohler reported. The chickens died from prostration and mopier Yset a Bult Dorf to shovel the carcasses into the pit. Twelve hours later gases produced by the rotting Corpse caused1 them to explode. Exploding dead chickens he i first of All i want the Oregon authorities to delve into the mysterious 26,000 deaths. But there s something even More significant in this. I consider this to be a sign from Mother nature who May Well be a Chicken for All we know that she s sick and tired of chickens gelling no respect. Repent before it s Loo late. Take a Chicken to lunch today. Charity s Calls Are not always very Sweet by miss manners United feature Syndicate dear miss manners kindly give me your positive slews and solutions to the outrageous practice of charitable solicitations by Telephone at night often at mealtime and sometimes very late to out of slate contributor. These tie Good causes but the abuse of privacy and crass Telephone solicitation by absolute strangers hat gone Loo far. My reaction hit been to say b do not accept Telephone sol Catlon and they should put any request in the mail. Perhaps they should be told that they should remove my name from the calling list and that any future Call will end my support of the cause for All time. It is time even for people of Good will to Tell some Chai Liei they have gone too far in aggressive insensitive solicitation. Gentle Reader miss manners is sadly aware that hard sell tactics including attempts at embarrassing people a Welt As inconveniencing them Are now considered an indispensable part of fund raising for Good causes. People of Good will who Are unselfishly donating their own time to such techniques As phone a thongs will certainly argue that the effectiveness of such methods outweighs the unpleasantness. And so these techniques will continue to be used unless people such As yourself make it Clear that they arc counterproductive. Miss manners supports you in this. By All Means you have a right to control your time and and to require that solicitations be made in writing so that you can study them at your Leisure. May she however discourage you from penalizing the very idea of philanthropy because of this abuse when you Are announcing your intention of ending your support because of the rude tactics she asks you to inform the annoying caller that you will donate the same amount of Money to an equally worthy cause that has not so offended you. Should you omit doing this and keep the Money you would merely be confirming the notion that no one gives without being bullied. Dear miss manners i am interested in a Young Man but i am not certain of his sexual preference. How May one tactfully inquire about this delicate Mallert gentle Reader one May not. What one can attempt to find out More through observation than questioning is whether the Young Man is romantically interested in oneself. That rather than the broader question is what is your business. Anyway a positive answer to that should make the More general question unnecessary while a negative answer makes in irrelevant. Dear miss manners we need a simple formula to define the dress code for a Small office. Expressions such As pants that Are too tight revealing necklines or loud and Garish colors do not do the Job at All. Nor does proper attire Good Laste or Businesslike Centle Reader request that All executives and employees who aspire to executive positions dress accordingly while expressing understanding that Peop who Are satisfied to spend their careers on the lower Levels May consider it important to express inc selves through their clothing rather than their ideas. Dear miss manners i am planning a dinner party at which my guests will include a retired monsignor of the Catholic Church a retired colonel of the air Force a retired Captain of the infantry and several other guests. My problem is who gets precedence in introducing and sealing the monsignor is much older than the colonel. Do i use the colonel s and Captain s titles although they were retired after world War 111 they would like in but i Don t know if it is Correct Centle Reader in unofficial situations both age and clerical status Are Given deference. The military go in order of rank but in cases where two people Are of equivalent rank in different services the order of precedence of the services prevails. One addresses retired officers by their titles unless one knows that they they prefer otherwise. Miss manners threw All this in merely because your parly is too easy 1. The monsignor 2. The colonel 3. The Captain. Please let her know when you Are presiding at an official occasion on which you have invited a Young Bishop an elderly retired commandant of the Marine corps a foreign vice Admiral and Mother t Resa. Have an etiquette question t address mail Romr is manners Black or Blue Ink on White paper on Yin care of the stars and stripes afo 09211, . Forces. June 111966 stripes Magazine
